bumpnrun

road trip

When I was a younger man my friends and I decided we needed to do something that would make the world a better place to live. We needed to do something that made a difference. So, over a dozen beers or more, we decided to rid our little corner of the world of excess beer and waste nary a drop. During the summer of my thirty-fifth year I was still committed to that endeavor, and on a Saturday morning during the dog days of August, I went to my shop to work on a project. The air was already hot and muggy and I was having a hard time getting psyched up to do anytime productive. Finishing my morning coffee, I tossed the dregs out onto the lawn and snagged a cold beer from the fridge. I walked around the muggy shop sipping my beer and picking at things but not really doing anything at all. Then after a few minutes I heard a truck roll in, its tires crunching on the gravel as it rolled to a stop. The creak of the drivers door told me immediately it was one of my best friends. He bounced in through the open shop door and taking full advantage of my open door policy, open fridge door policy, snagged a cold one for himself. Now with the perfect excuse to do nothing, we retired to the picnic table just outside the door. Sitting under the shade of a big elm tree we began to commiserate over the hot and humid weather. Where the thought came from, I don’t know, but I commented it would be a good day to go skinny dipping. Back and forth through our minds we went, remembering places we had gone years before and rejecting them one by one for various reasons. A couple of beers later, my girlfriend rolls in and also utilizes my open door policy. After setting another cold one in front of each of us, she sits down and asks what we are talking about. So I tell her the topic of the day is skinny dipping and we all go through our mental lists again. Then, with the consumption of just the right amount of canned knowledge, I had a brainstorm. We have a major military installation nearby with several small lakes available to the general public. They are for fishing only, no swimming allowed. One of those lakes was not more that ten minutes away and I suggested we pack a cooler and ease on over there and have a look. They both rejected my idea until I pointed out that it was way too hot for anyone to be lying on the beach area and no one will be fishing either. Besides, what else was there to do. We make the short drive which takes us through a thickly wooded area and arrive at a deserted lake. We sit there looking it over debating our chances of getting caught. I guess that day was my day to be the leader so I got out and just started walking to the far side of the lake. Once I was moving, my two companions and a small cooler of beer hurried to catch up. Once there, I didn’t waste any time but stripped naked and waded out into the shallows. Then my friend stripped down to his tighty-whities and went out into the deeper water while my girlfriend sat on the cooler at the waters edge. A few minutes go by and I’m laying there with the little colonel sticking his head out of the water and a car drives in. We are not in a panic mode yet but as a guy in uniform gets out, my girlfriend comments that it’s an MP. She would know because she works at this base. The MP starts walking at a fairly brisk pace toward us. Naturally I tell my girlfriend to toss me my briefs. Now in that particular year there were tons of comedians out of work and my girlfriend decides to start her own act. She gets this wicked little grin on her face, keeps looking at the approaching MP, then back at me, my briefs that she’s holding, and back at the MP all the while I’m hissing for her to throw them to me. Finally, after putting the words shovel and bag of lime in a coherent sentence, she tosses me my underwear. Geez! With my underwear on, my buddy and I move out of the water as the MP walks up. He asks if we were aware that this was a no swimming area as he waves his hand at various warning signs. Naturally, since I’m the leader for that day, I feint ignorance. I’m good at it too. Lots of experience. It works. Standing in front of a person with government authority while in your underwear tends to make one humble. So with the proper amount of yes sir’s and no sir’s, he gave us a warning to get moving before he came back. By the time he made it back to his car we were dressed and heading back to my truck. I dropped the tailgate and we all sat down for a cold beer with my girlfriend in the middle. As we lamented our predicament a military chopper flew over us and now I remembered that one had been by when we first arrived. Living so close to a base like we do makes us oblivious to their activities, but that was probably how we got caught so quickly. As I sat there I kept thinking about how that MP looked at our cooler. He knew we had beer with us and I wondered if he thought we were the culprits that were trying to deplete the local beer supply. What if he was hiding up the road a bit, ready to pull me over for a sobriety test? From where I was sitting, the road went straight for about a hundred feet, then made a sharp right turn and disappeared into the woods. I began to think that he might be sitting somewhere up around that turn just waiting for us. So I asked my sweetie if she’d do me a favor, and that is where our day got better. When asking her do me a favor, I was expecting her to say something like, “Sure, what do you want?” What she actually said was, “What, jack you two off?” I was totally shocked! She had come up with the perfect solution to an unknown problem. I complimented her on her problem solving as my priorities made an abrupt change. A drunk driving ticket could wait, this couldn’t. So I lay back on the thick rubber bedliner, unsnapped, unzipped, and once again the little colonel reached for the sky. Of course, my Honey likes shaking hands with the colonel so she got busy right away. Now my buddy surprised me, he just sat there grinning like a cat with a cornered mouse, but did nothing. I actually had to coax him to give my Honey something to do with her other hand. But he came through and we lay on our backs with our beer google grins thinking all was right with the world. After a bit the little colonel reminded me that maybe my girlfriend would like some of this action too. And even though we had once done it in the backyard, late at night, in a thunderstorm with lightning so bright it shut off the street lights, where anyone living on either side of us could have looked out their windows and seen us, I knew this wasn’t going to happen here in broad daylight with military choppers flying overhead. Our decision was to go back to my shop where I moved a few things and parked inside. I had a blanket in the back seat so I put that in the truck bed. I also opened up a cardboard box and put that on the floor completing our makeshift boudoir. Since my girlfriend wasn’t on any birth control, and we had no protection with us, this was going to be an oral affair. And since it was our first time having a threesome, and not knowing the rules of engagement, we just dove in willy nilly. I’m not saying who did what to whom and when, but there was a lot of sucking, licking, and slurping. When it was over there was two guys that weighed slightly less than before, and three people with the proverbial happy face that porn stars try so hard to emulate. Yes, it was a good day and I have a special affinity for the dog days of August.

lost love

Game day

play time

Does that mean couple together?

power play

Power ranger

man up

Can we watch?

Is that what we are here for?

Scary show

fairy godmother

Are your plants dying?

Tall tale

Won't we be too busy to care?

muzzle blast

Are you worried about replacing electrolytes?

Jack off

Does the size matter?

Are there enough people to begin?

cat woman

Soft scent

Is the gang bang still on?

Feather pillow