The Humor of Asexuality

[GFCat]

I once went through an asexual phase briefly, during which I felt much of what a lot of others say. But of all things ever said on the topic, this is probably one of the greatest:

 

"On second thoughts, let's not call it being 'asexual'. That feels a wee bit pretentious. 'Celibate' will do. I can still see the appeal of emptying one's grubby little speed bag, I'm just lost on why it's so important that you catch the residue in another person's organic waste paper basket.

But having made the decision to not pursue any of this sex business anymore I've discovered a strange new world I never knew existed.

It's like I've eaten spam a few times from a few popular brands and in a few serving suggestions, and found I'm not really keen on spam, 'cos it's salty and slimy and looks like something you might find in the alien queen's litter box. But I've found myself in a world that's completely obsessed with spam. People spend their entire lives in pursuit of spam. Every single advert on TV sells their product by placing it alongside spam. Movies have to work in at least one spam scene to reach the broadest audience. People break up and get divorced because they don't exchange enough spam. Soldiers are given time out to go have some spam. Low-risk prisoners are given spam visiting rights. People die for spam. Entire economies have been based around spam. Selling spam is the world's oldest profession. The lack of spam has been linked to mental disorders. The only thing getting teenagers through difficult puberty is the thought of one day getting to have spam of their very own.

And when I explain to people that I'm not that into spam they tell me I must be some kind of hopeless cissy girl, or that I just haven't found the right spam yet. It feels like when a theist says "I'll pray for you." Or when a parent of some hideous mewling womb dropping says "You'll understand when you have one of your own." Quite infuriating. It's just tinned meat, guys.

But on the other hand, as a white middle-class anglo-saxon male between the ages of 18 and 35, it's fun to be in a minority for once. Finally I've got my very own thing I can get offended at. This must be why gay chaps always seem to be having such a good time."

                                                                 -Game Critic / Comedian Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw

 

What are your thoughts on this? I know you guys are a highly sexual bunch, but it's still fun to briefly share opinions on what other people think.

[Starcry]

As far as I understand from this documentary:

 

 

What is quoted from you isn't the only reason people are Asexual. People who are Asexual literally have no sexual attraction to anyone or thing at all. They have no desire to have children either. The only thing they do have is the desire for closeness, cuddle and loving based relationships. However, those who do not yet realise they are Asexual will have sex with a partner but only out of a feelings of guilt or obligation. When they have intercourse it has been described like this:

 

Females: They will do whatever their partner wishes but will never climax. The whole experience feels very uncomfortable for them but they push past it because they love the person.

 

Males: Like females they will do as their partner wishes and climaxing is more of a basic male function than out of pleasure. 

 

--

 

Unfortunately for Asexuals their sexuality is considered a big joke and (like Pan-sexuality) isn't recognised as a proper sexuality by the LGBT community. Like Pan-sexuals they are outcast from groups that are supposed to be understanding and pretty much made to feel like lesser people because of their sexuality.

 

As a pan I love everyone, even Asexuals. I think one of the reasons both sexualities are able to connect so well is because of the general attitude towards both. For example:

 

Whenever I tell someone I am pan-sexual I get the following response:

 

1) What the hell is that? 

2) So does that mean you like to fuck kitchenware or something?

3) (After explaining what it is) But... isn't that what a Bisexual is?

4) So it's an excuse for whoring around?

5) Does that mean you like to fuck animals?

6) Does that mean you will fuck ANYTHING?!?!

 

--

 

Like Asexuals; Pans aren't recognised as a real sexuality, which I think is horrible.

 

I guess to sum up my ramblings;

 

I think the quote is wrong and that Asexuality is no joke. It is much more different than just being "celibate." For me the key difference is one is a conscious choice, the other isn't. (Pretty much the same as being gay!)

Edited May 31, 2014 by LazarusLuna