Magical Ace Case

[MagicalGirl]

Any other asexuals who explore smutty writing? It’s fun to try and understand sex despite lacking a real desire for it.

[Buio Banned]

I'm a complete manwhore so I can't relate, but I'm incredibly intrigued

what would you say draws you to erotic exploration if not personal craving or desire?

[MagicalGirl]

3 hours ago, Buio said:

I'm a complete manwhore so I can't relate, but I'm incredibly intrigued

what would you say draws you to erotic exploration if not personal craving or desire?

Hiya! I have a friend who says much the same. They’re an absolute sweetheart.

There are so many. Probably the same reason I’m still drawn to BDSM to this day. It’s a great emotional outlet to replace the physical outlet that is sex. It allows me to process any newfound curiosity without placing me in the position if actually trying it.

[Buio Banned]

Haha, well happy to hear that you don't feel alienated by we hypersexuals lol.

And if I'm understanding you right, you're essentially saying that it works as a way to get your mind off even if your body has no intention to follow suit?

[MagicalGirl]

For the most part! I’m bad at summarizing things, so I’m glad you understand well enough.

[Buio Banned]

Haha, well glad i got the gist of it.

Out of further curiosity, which part/s of BDSM intrigues you?

[MagicalGirl]

Primarily the power dynamics. I have an extremely submissive personality, but my life forces me to take a very leading and dominating role. It can be stressful, so it’s nice to come home and let a lot of that go.

I enjoy the pain elements to some extent. It’s another outlet for the sexual desire I simply don’t have.

[Buio Banned]

ah, interesting.  i mostly come across people who enjoy the BD and DS parts, but not so much the SM. This is the first time I encounter someone who treats the SM as a release as well and doesn't focus primarily on the bondage.

May I ask why you are forced to live your life in a dominating way?

[MagicalGirl]

Just the way my life’s circumstances have lined up! I’m not unhappy with it. It simply is.

I have a small group if friends I talk BDSM with, so I’ve been really lucky to have a good group of people who can help me talk through things.

[Buio Banned]

ah yeah, good friends are really the best way to get through just about everything in life comes with being social animals I suppose *chuckles*

If it's not too bold to ask, does that mean that you then mainly talk about BDSM but do not practice it?

[MagicalGirl]

Not at all! I do practice it to an extent. My last high protocol relationship ended a couple of years ago, though, and my current partner is mild about the topic. We’re both asexual and submissive, but we have two different ways of processing that, so we’re currently negotiating how we want that to work in our relationship. I was hoping for poly, but I am uncertain how she feels about that at the moment.

[Buio Banned]

ahh, I completely understand. I'm poly myself and my monogamous wife accepts that as she's known that about me since before we started dating, but with both of us being fairly introverted when it comes to IRL interactions, it's not really like I often meet anyone with which to express my poly nature (one of the main reasons I come to sites like these haha).

If I may ask, how do your gf and you differ in your processing of your submissive natures?

And I would definitely suggest that you talk with her about how she would feel about the two of you finding a friend willing to dom you while understanding your limits vis-a-vis asexuality. Open and honest communication is key to any type of relationship

[MagicalGirl]

We already talk about it frequently! She’s been so supportive and communicative, but she’s also been burned pretty bad in the past. All of the love in the world can’t magically heal that, sadly.

I tend to lean more on high protocol and rules and boundaries. For all of the affection I crave, nothing feels better than someone guiding me. It’s a security thing I guess.

For her, she’s more relaxed about it. Like she could live without it for the most part. It’s something I have to frequently remind her I do like.

I also have a huge issue with going beyond introversion to borderline hermit. I need someone who can pull me out of the cave occasionally, ya know?

I’m really glad to see a healthy relationship where poly can work, even if it works better for one side. 

[Buio Banned]

3 minutes ago, MagicalGirl said:

she’s also been burned pretty bad in the past. All of the love in the world can’t magically heal that, sadly.

I can 100% understand. I have some personal experience with that from former relationships.

 

 

4 minutes ago, MagicalGirl said:

For all of the affection I crave, nothing feels better than someone guiding me. It’s a security thing I guess.

Ah, so you essentially want a 'mistress' type who will be affectionately domineering and controlling, (and maybe willing to spank you if you don't do as told) if I'm reading you right

[MagicalGirl]

1 hour ago, Buio said:

Ah, so you essentially want a 'mistress' type who will be affectionately domineering and controlling, (and maybe willing to spank you if you don't do as told) if I'm reading you right

Bingo!

How about yourself? I haven’t had many new perspectives in BDSM outside of my bubble for quite some time!

If it’s alright to ask, is that something you partake in as well?

[Buio Banned]

IRL, hardly ever. Though that mainly comes from being chronically poor and thus never having the spare money to invest in the bondage tools that my wife would be interested in (along with the fact that my wife's health makes sex a far less frequent occurrence than either of us would like), and otherwise not having met any partners who want to engage in that kind of interaction.

 

Online, very frequently. My main and biggest kink is female pleasure/satisfaction, so I tend to tailor my sexual persona and actions to whatever my partner craves for the most, but I naturally lean more towards the dominant side and earned quite a bit of early experience with writing about the BD and DS aspects thanks to a string of particularly kinky online girlfriends in my teen years. As such I often find myself in those kinds of roleplays or general interactions with people I meet online today and write out whatever excites them (and with pleasure as their excitement will excite me in turn). While I participate in erotic writing of all forms, I do have to admit that I always find it particularly enjoyable when someone has a kink they are otherwise shy about and then discover I have no reservations towards it, and I have developed quite the weakness for partners who like to call me Daddy.

[MagicalGirl]

Exciting! I had to save up so much for any of the fun tools I want to use. I was gifted a couple as well, which is so nice. I don’t really get to break them out, though. Not a lot of reliable doms in my immediate area.

I really enjoy learning about the daddy dom aspect. It used to make me uncomfortable, but a friend of mine who happens to be a little (and a domme little at that!) talked to me about it. It makes so much more sense to me now, even if I don’t necessarily fall into that category.

If it’s alright to ask, what draws you toward that aspect of dominance?

[Buio Banned]

Ooh~ a dom little, that is a rare breed indeed haha.

And feel free to ask me about anything ^_^ i am very open in general and will never fault another's curiosity. The worst that can happen is if you do end up asking something that is too personal (and that really only tends to happen when it involves sharing information about another person who themselves might not be comfortable in it) I'll just politely decline to answer

As for what makes me gravitate towards DDlg... I guess it's a bit of a combination of two things. On the one hand, experience and memory. The two girls who first called me that were rather... intense partners for me, and held incredibly important parts in my life for the time in which I knew them. So I'm sure that on some level it's by association to that time in my life that I react so positively to DDlg in comparison to the dynamically very similar Master-pet play (which I have no problem with at all but also doesn't push my buttons to quite the same extent).

Beyond that, though, I think it just naturally fits my personality. I... have a bit of a hero complex if I'm being perfectly honest ^^; I always feel a very strong compulsion to help and chat and present myself as someone that people can open up to and rely upon for advice and understanding even if I've only just met them. I like taking care of others. In addition to that I'm also more naturally dominant than submissive in bed and relationships in general. So being a daddy who takes care of his little, provides strength and control while always having her health and happiness in mind, and is willing to accept all her deepest held secrets and desires and provide plenty of aftercare to let her know that she is loved even if she likes being a slut or a brat with me—it just comes naturally as an extension of all that.

[MagicalGirl]

I can see the allure. The first serious and higher protocol relationship I had leaned very heavily on the Master/pet dynamic, and I really enjoyed that time to just decompress from the other issues in my life at the time, but one of my favorite parts was the feeling that someone wanted to actually take care of me to begin with. Like it made me worthy? I learned later on how that kind of thought process was extremely toxic, but I still value how much I was made to feel wanted, even beyond the sexual play involved.

I can see how you come across that way! I’m already a pretty open book, but you’ve been very open and kind. It makes you easy to approach, but the fact that you were also willing to initiate the conversation in a respectful manner with an open mind made it easier too. It’s hard for me to want to discuss and answer questions when the first statement is along the lines of “LOL can’t be ace cuz pervy writing site/bdsm lover.”

[Buio Banned]

28 minutes ago, MagicalGirl said:

I learned later on how that kind of thought process was extremely toxic, but I still value how much I was made to feel wanted, even beyond the sexual play involved.

Man, I feel that haha. It's kind of the same for me on the other side of the equation. I don't have a very high opinion of myself in general, I'm very frustrated at how I am not at all designed to thrive in the capitalist system as it exists and have general self image issues left over from a lot of bullying in my childhood and some very much toxic parental figures in my teenaged years.

So I Iike being needed. I like being helpful and being someone that others feel they can rely upon to give them stability. It makes me feel worthwhile. And ironically, I realized through growing up that in chasing that feeling too much I ended up hurting a lot of people I set out to help.

 

33 minutes ago, MagicalGirl said:

I can see how you come across that way! I’m already a pretty open book, but you’ve been very open and kind. It makes you easy to approach, but the fact that you were also willing to initiate the conversation in a respectful manner with an open mind made it easier too.

Well thank you. I like to think that these days I've gotten pretty good at embracing my helpful nature for the right reasons and with mainly positive results

 

35 minutes ago, MagicalGirl said:

It’s hard for me to want to discuss and answer questions when the first statement is along the lines of “LOL can’t be ace cuz pervy writing site/bdsm lover.”

Oof, I can certainly understand that. It's the sad fact that humans just... aren't smart enough. Like, on a physical level our brains just aren't developed to the point of being able to handle all the complexities and intricacies of life, and our instinct is to take so many psychological short-cuts in our analysis of the world around us because for so long in our evolution that was preferable to pensive observation and accurate categorization.

That results in a depressingly common reliance on labels and preference for incredibly rigid definitions to those labels, which makes those of us who do not fit into those commonly held assumptions often end up at the receiving end of abuse (either intentional or incidental) from those who prefer to try and make us fit their worldview than rearrange that worldview to fit our reality.

I really can't wait until we develop the technology to make our brains just naturally better at handling complex structures, definitions, and subject relations.

[MagicalGirl]

Weirdly, I actually disagree! I think that level of compassion and empathy is more of a skill. While genetics can play a roll, I believe there is a personal responsibility to learning how to become more aware of these complexities!

I wasn’t born taking things like this into consideration. I was taught, and while circumstances forced my worldview to adapt to these nuances at a younger age, that doesn’t devalue someone taking a longer time to learn.

I will say that willful ignorance does annoy me to a high degree. Like... you have all of the resources dropped in your lap... Why would one insist on not educating oneself?

[Floofenstein]

This has been absolutely fascinating, thank you both.

That said, my experience is...not quite ace, but similar enough. I've always loved writing like this, for whatever reason, but my physical sexuality is practically nonexistent unless someone actually triggers it. My wife is very good at that, and around her I will usually notice how damn sexy she is (and pretty, and wonderful, and....), but, then, there are some times where i just plain forget sex is a thing I can do until I get reminded....Even while engaging in this sort of roleplay. It's a profoundly strange sensation to be doing this without a shred of horniness or lust (i've heard some people masturbate to doing this, I don't and haven't...i don't at all, really), especially when contrasted by just looking at my wife doing whatever and wanting to go touch her as much as I can.

And I usually look at lewd artwork more on the art sense than the lewd, but that's likely obvious given the above.

anyway, just wanted to actually say something rather than just lurking. Hope I'm not interrupting X3.

[Buio Banned]

@MagicalGirl

Well, see, I understand where you come from, and I was not intending to imply that cerebral augmentation would be an instant cure for bigoted behavior. Proper education is always necessary. But you touched on the exact reason why I believe that cerebral augmentation will be necessary if we want to effect a real change on the perceptions of people on a mass scale. You can put all the information in front of people that you want, if they do not want to absorb it, they will not, because unlearning something you thought you knew is difficult and takes effort.  However, if we are all collectively smarter and better at remembering and understanding complex data sets, that will 1. make it less of a chore for people who learned one thing to adapt their knowledge to new information, lowering their instinctive reticence to do so, and 2. make it easier for those of us looking to educate those who are still stuck in erroneous thought patterns because we will be able to more elegantly and convincingly relay our points.

Fact of the matter is that right now we are working with cerebral architecture that hasn't experienced any significant change in 200,000 years, and that gives us a monkeysphere of approximately 150 individuals which we can accurately track and conceptualize as persons of equal complexity as our own existence. In a world where the number of -nations- at play (let alone the cultures and individuals) dwarfs that and we are all becoming increasingly interconnected and interdependent, a more elegant and advanced basic framework of how we process information will be key to letting our dumb ape brains finally shirk off the harmful comforts of tribalism and repressively simplistic worldviews IMO.

@Floofenstein

You're very welcome and not at all If this was meant to be private conversation we'd have moved to EcchiTexts haha, and you are arguably closer to the target audience that was asked about in the opening post than i am

Also, you sound very much like my wife, and she is demisexual. I was her first everything when we met IRL for the first time 4 years ago (after already knowing each other for 4 years online), and before me she had never so much as watched porn or masturbated (only having done so much as reading a few steamy stories), and even today she has a notably low (though not entirely unexistant) sex drive in spite of the fact that we both adore being physically intimate every single day

[MagicalGirl]

@Buio

That’s truly astonishing! This is something I never expected to scientifically take place. I can see the benefit of it, but I still think it would only be a temporary bandaid. These kinds of tribalistic habits are, sadly, coded into our DNA, and if someone really wants to go out if their way to cling to archaic thinking, augmented brain power won’t change that. All of the logic in the world can still fall to some stupid human being what they are.

I would personally welcome the technology in general. There are millions of practical uses for such a thing on top of overarching grandiose advancements.

@Floofenstein

I’m so glad you wanted to join our discussion! It has since became a little more than my initial, flippant opener, but it’s amazing to see the evolution of it too.  I’m so excited that I met someone under the Ace umbrella who also enjoys erotic writing as a part of the overall artistic value it has.

My girlfriend is also demisexual, and experiences similar feelings about her sexual attraction. Another friend of mine has similar feelings about someone. They’ll jokingly call themselves “P-sexual” (‘P’ being a nickname). 

[Floofenstein]

ah, thank you!

Is that what demisexual is? Ah, a search confirms...Demisexuals are people who get the attraction from strong emotion connections...that's actually cool, really. Everyone I've actually been very attracted to has been someone I've known for a while and consider a friend...heh, learning the perfect word for myself after all these years. It's nice to know I'm not alone X3

Writing, even erotically, as art! Exactly. It's annoying that some people don't consider it an art, and that if it's lewd, it's clearly just for perversion....which, i mean, sometimes yeah, but I like to write, and I like my writing to be actually enjoyable. It's weird, and sliiiiiiiightly annoying, that writing naughty stuff tends to hold my attention better than other such things, but it does, and it really does flow easily. This site is great for people who appreciate it, though, which is something I will appreciate for forever. Glad there's others like me X3