Flirting online with strangers

[Aura]

It's not uncommon that people online assume I'm a girl. It used to be a lot more common because of the way I used to carry myself, but it still happens. But as a result, I've gotten a lot of guys try to flirt with me over private messages across various platforms. For a long time, I'd play it off as an erp and just assume they came at me in-character, so I'd respond in-character myself. It's the only way I've ever been able to wrap my head around "flirting" over text with someone you've never known or seen.

But more recently I think I've come to realize people genuinely do try to flirt with others like this and it honestly boggles my mind a bit. I don't think I'm in the minority when I say I don't expect to ever meet up with and get intimate with anyone I've met online, especially not if our interactions began with some guy getting horny over my anime girl profile picture that I pulled off of Google.

I suppose I should stress that my intention with this post isn't to shame or call out people who enjoy flirting with others online, moreso just to express my confusion and see if anyone else has any input on the topic.

I've noticed there seems to be different types of flirting when men approach me. If they're interested in the more soft side of me, they act more soft and "gentlemanly." If they're interested more in my kinks, they play that heavy-handed "Do what I say" attitude. Since I'd respond in-character, I think both of these types of people would usually end up getting what they want out of me for at least a quick roleplay. I'm not gonna pretend like I don't get anything out of playing into it from that angle, but I have to say I have never once thought to myself that these were things that would actually be happening if we were in an actual room together. I suppose I see through the "façade". I've done so much escapism and playing around online, I know just how much more control you have over how you present yourself online versus irl. Consequently, all of it feels fake to me. Partly because I'm confident the other person is faking a lot about themselves and partly because I know I do it a lot, myself.

Beyond that, when you cross the border from erp to genuine flirting with me as a person, it just feels a bit silly. I mean, irl, flirting brings with it a lot of romantic or sexual tension. It's a game of cat and mouse and every time things escalate, you start to question how much farther you can push it and things can develop into something you're both mutually passionate about. That possibility makes things exciting. Maybe it feels silly to me because I'm a very physical person when it comes to intimacy. I respond and explore through touch. Online, I obviously can't get that out of it. If you approach me in either of the aforementioned ways, you can't actually follow up on any of the things you say you "want" to do to me. You can't hug me, cuddle me, pet me, or anything like that; nor can you hit me, spank me, or pin me down. Either of those would be really hot to me if they were promised irl and would probably leave me really flustered, but over chat, it's almost funny that you would even suggest that when you literally can't do anything to me. And in the case of the whole tough guy attitude, it kind of just makes people look a bit pathetic to me.

Well, that's my take on the subject anyway. Again, my intention isn't to shame people who flirt in these ways, I'm sure there are people out there who do enjoy this sort of thing, I've seen online relationships sprout up here and there. But I'm curious what other people's views are on flirting online? Has anyone successfully gotten a reaction out of you over textual flirting? Have you ever been successful when flirting with a stranger online? Does it creep you out or make you feel more desirable? Do you have any idea why? I'd love to hear!

[Pixel]

I've gotten into really heated conversation before, sometimes it seems like it comes out of nowhere and I almost never initiate it. I've been sent underwear shots, nudes, name it and it's been sent to me, always unsolicited. Most of the time though, these are people that I've been talking to for a while and I suppose it's gradual, in hindsight.

As far as being successful goes, the best relationship of my life so far started online. It ended badly, but I would consider the fact that it happened the result of successful online flirting. 

It doesn't make me feel creepy or more desirable either way. There are passive "flirtatious" exchanges here and there with some women I'm in contact with but we generally move on from it to different parts of conversation, some of them I role play with and have written amazing sex scenes with, meanwhile we send Pokemon memes to each other and shit. As attractive as I find some of them, it's meh to me, I don't really genuinely flirt with people with actual interest in things going anywhere unless I feel like we're close enough, which is almost never.

[DoggedFellow]

I've always approached this topic with extreme skepticism and caution. It's one thing to put on airs for the sake of having a bit of fun with the other party, but it's a setup that tends to encourage toxicity. I have flirted online before and I won't deny that when I was more immature, it often came from a toxic mindset. There's a certain allure to expressing a shared interest that crosses over into a parasocial relationship based on their actions within roleplay. You start to associate the acts with the person themselves, despite the fact that this is almost never the case. Thankfully I've grown past that and faced the reality that you really don't know who's behind the keyboard and you should respect their right to that privacy.

It's important to remember that most people use roleplay as a form of escapism. It's them acting out the thoughts they've always wanted to explore in more depth with a mutually interested party who has something to contribute. If they wish to take things further, then I feel it's necessary to pump the brakes and really figure out exactly what each party is looking for. That way, things don't go too far before the feeling of disappointment can manifest.