Insatiable

[Gangsta Moll Deactivated]

When I was first married, we watched a vintage sex movie called ‘Insatiable’.

The title was misleading, because the heroine was not really insatiable so much as unstoppable: she did not so much require or demand sex as, when sexually stimulated, respond so immediately and with such intensity that she could allow nothing to prevent her orgasm.

Although I was young, and sexually inexperienced, I saw something of myself in her: I have some of that unstoppability, that intensity, that inability to hold back once started. My husband wass my first boyfriend and we married when I was 20. We held back from full sex until just before we married, though I was not quite a virgin when we met: but he learnt that once stimulated sexually I could not hold back - and he exploited that, though for my pleasure as much as his, and he respected my need to not engage in a full sexual relationship until married. Once married, my unstoppability was fully unleashed and our sex life was full, satisfying, vigorous, frequent and reasonably adventurous.

I never really thought about sex: I didn’t need to, it was just there as an integral part of our loving relationship. Yes, when separated I resorted to masturbation but as a physical more than emotional release. And yes, I entered upon a brief and disastrous affair, but that was more to do with my vain need for self-validation than for sex.

At times our working lives have separated us, sometimes for long periods: his work for the oil industry taking him on long postings abroad, mine as a mathematician leading me on shorter but more frequent trips all over the world - and most recently his posting to Dubai leaving me alone at home in lockdown, and my brief but disastrous flirtation with casual sex, leading to our horrible but necessary divorce. There is more to love, and to marriage, than sex: but I do desire sexual gratification, and do resort to masturbation, frequently - and to fantasy, which is why I am here on this forum.

Here, in this very open and very sexual forum, I think I explore myself - the sexual side of me - and I find myself insatiable: no longer just unstoppable but actually unsated, seeking so often for more, to go further, to be more extreme. My married sex life was with one man, inextricably part of a full and meaningful loving relationship: my sex life here is more extreme, wilder, more needy and urgent. But thinking back to that movie - ‘Insatiable’ - I think I see that what I do here is not so far from what I lived. What I say, do and share here is not so far, not so much more extreme, than the real sex life that fulfilled me so much.

When I refer to what I do here, I mean what those who follow me will recognise as my frequent desire for forceful, demanding sex with multiple partners - what might be called being gangbanged but I think is more like ‘pulling a train’ - multiple men taking me in turns. To me, that is extreme - and surprising, though no longer shocking since I am used to it: but I do ask myself why I should think like that - how could one man have sated my sexual needs for so  many years, and now I desire to be taken by so many more? What changed me, what perversion or obsession has taken hold of me to lead me that way so frequently?

I see it now, perhaps mistakenly, as insatiability: that the real sex I had was such an integral part of life that it did indeed sate me - through its frequency but also its demanding nature, but enhanced by being so much a part of everything that made my life what it was - what it still is. To get that now from one man, within the shallow narrow confines of simple physical sexual gratification, would not be possible: it needed the emotional, loving, caring, supporting context of a full and shared married life. So however intense the mental images and feelings I conjure to fuel my masturbation, when I cum I cum and there is nothing to continue it, to sustain the orgasm, to bring me to another and another, as I was used to: and so I imagine more men, so that the stimulation repeats, so that I can imagine going on and on but without risking thinking of that long term emotional connection that would sate me with one man alone.

Which is a long-winded way of justifying my constant desire to be forcefully gangbanged...

[Pixel]

Dang.

Sex was so... Soulless with my kid's mom that I hardly crave it at all anymore, rather than dying for a great experience

I'm envious, in a way.

[IsabellaRose]

On 30/04/2023 at 04:57, Gangsta Moll said:

To get that now from one man, within the shallow narrow confines of simple physical sexual gratification, would not be possible: it needed the emotional, loving, caring, supporting context of a full and shared married life. So however intense the mental images and feelings I conjure to fuel my masturbation, when I cum I cum and there is nothing to continue it, to sustain the orgasm, to bring me to another and another, as I was used to: and so I imagine more men, so that the stimulation repeats, so that I can imagine going on and on but without risking thinking of that long term emotional connection that would sate me with one man alone.

Which is a long-winded way of justifying my constant desire to be forcefully gangbanged...

Holy. Shit.

I think you just put all my emotional / sexual issues into words here, but in reverse.

I thought maybe just getting older was my reason for losing my... urgent and insatiable desire for more and more men? But I think, having approached the same situation from the opposite end, I'm changing in the opposite direction. Years of hookups and meaningless sex have been my norm. Even my one prior long term relationship was manipulative and controlling and emotionally unfulfilling. Now that I'm with someone who is actually fulfilling my emotional needs, and making sex more than just a physical thing, I seem less needy. I crave others less often. This, this thing I never expected, this satisfies me in ways I don't understand. I feel like I should want more, more times, more partners, more and rougher experiences... but instead tenderness, caresses, snuggles which never meant a thing to me... these now fulfill me. I've been trying to figure out what changed, what made it just... go away, that need for more. 

At my age, I should not be experiencing REAL love for the first time, but I think I am. I think this is what I was missing out on all those years. Which might also explain my sudden disinterest in and inability to write more and more erotica, especially with partners. It has seemed for some time that when I try to write an erotic roleplay it was just... unfulfilling. I lost interest quickly. I think I now have the thing you describe in the beginning - a loving relationship. This is new for me.

[Gangsta Moll Deactivated]

I fear I may be hurtling into the maelstrom: out of the frying pan into the fire. But it's energising  a vibrant new set of feelings.

They say opposites attract ...

[Pixel]

4 hours ago, IsabellaRose said:

 

At my age, I should not be experiencing REAL love for the first time

There is no right or wrong time or age to experience real love, Isabella. The right time is the time when it happens, not before or after.

[Gangsta Moll Deactivated]

1 hour ago, Pixel said:

There is no right or wrong time or age to experience real love, Isabella. The right time is the time when it happens, not before or after.

So wise  for one so young - and so cute.

[IsabellaRose]

3 hours ago, Pixel said:

There is no right or wrong time or age to experience real love, Isabella. The right time is the time when it happens, not before or after.

You are correct. I guess I thought I already had love once, real love... I had that amazing connection with my ex, but over the years I realize it wasn't what I thought it was. But I still... new and different will always appeal to me. I think people can experience sex as a wonderful connection between two people who aren't in love, and I think it's a way we should connect far more often than most actually do.

I also have to admit to wanting desperately to show an inexperienced someone all the things I've learned. I imagine that feeling, a combination of guide, partner, playmate. Being able to be whatever they need. But then I worry that I'd fall into that same kind of manipulation that was done to me, making someone into something they're not, perhaps going so far as to mold someone else to take my place... bleh. I don't like to think of it that way.

But for now, content, satisfied with one person in all the ways. It's new to me.