The Art of Letting Go: A Community Discussion

[Teppo]

One of the biggest changes to have come into my life recently is more fully embracing and learning about the Art of Letting Go.  As an obsessive overthinker, many of my negative emotions stem from my incorrigible need to think and analyze every action I take in my life.  Especially when it comes to relationships.  I begin analyzing every single action or thing that the other person says, formulate theories on why they did it and what it must mean and then convince myself that I have to convince them to love me because all of the logic points at it.  Inevitably, my overthinking draws me to a point where I desperately try to control events into what I want them to be.

As I've started exploring the Art of Letting Go, I've realized that there are many questions, and perhaps no answers.  So, I come to the point of this thread, I wanted to open up a discussion on this subject, what it means to you, what you've learned, what questions you have.  I invite you to actively engage in this with me, to help me, and you, better to understand how to let go and the benefits of doing so.

So, I open the floor with this thought:  "What is the point of having Wants or Desires or Hope if the best way to achieve them is to let go of them?"

[Azalyn]

Letting go of something you see as good or beneficial in your life could open doors to something even better. It may be hard to see at first, but holding on to things sometimes hurts more than letting go. (If I'm understanding this thread correctly... correct me if I am wrong)

[Teppo]

You're not wrong, Azalyn.

My hope for this thread is to invite anyone and everyone into this discussion to help those that are struggling and find community in this.  If you're struggling with mental health and hurting because you want something so bad and it's tearing you up inside, we're here for you.  Well, me, I guess, since I'm the only here so far.  Or if you just have some good advice you want to share on helping others let go, please join in as well.

You're free to talk about what letting go means to you, why you want to do it, your struggles, your journeys, or if you even just need to talk, to feel like you're not alone.  That's what this thread is for.

[Azalyn]

I attempted to make a thread similar to this one last year. I noticed a lot of people mentioning depression or just talking about their general struggles in life. Sometimes it's hard for people to reach out, but offering to be a shoulder to cry on could be all someone needs to hear. 

[Teppo]

I'm very sorry to hear that.  Hopefully this thread can have a bit more life than that one and bring a little peace and hope to some.

[arne]

As someone who still keeps thinking about things I did thirty plus years ago I must say that letting go definitely would help sometimes - the key is first knowing when to let go, forget about something and knowing that some things cannot be changed or helped. Unfortunately this is not enough. You have to not just know that, but also absorb this knowledge, "grok" it using Heinlein's neologism.

[Gangsta Moll Deactivated]

Like you, Teppo, I overthink: but letting go for me is not so much moving on from things in my past as letting myself do things in my present that my past - my upbringing  - holds me back from even admitting I want to do.

I do let go, but impulsively, and often going much too far - luckily, only rarely. Not only, but definitely mostly, sexually: a sort of recklessness can take me, sweeping away all my usual inhibitions and with them most sensible cautions. I do feel guilty doing it, but not afterwards, so the risk is not to my emotional state so much as ... physical .. getting recklessly into situations that could very easily run out of control (but thankfully have not, yet). Not that I am some wild nymphomaniac  - quite the opposite - but I could wish to learn to let go more often, but go less far.

I sometimes think my role playing here is a sort of therapy - experimenting with, acting out, desires but also often things I have actually done but exploring their possible consequences more deeply. Also, to a large extent, acting out in fantasy but interacting with real people, partners, rather than alone in my mind, I think helps me to begin to let go of the most risky.

I think this makes me a rather needy, somewhat predictable, role play partner but I am very glad to have been accepted here and very grateful to those who do.

[Teppo]

@arne Well said.  From what I've been learning so far, and I'm sure there are other factors to consider, but a good rule of thumb to me seems to be to let go whenever what is you are thinking about is causing you to develop negative thoughts and feelings.

@Gangsta Moll Thank you for sharing that.  It's funny because I feel a similar way about my roleplaying.  Like it's a form of therapy for me, to explore the things I haven't, wish I could do, and may never do.  There are some that don't seem to understand that the kinks presented here, while sometimes concerning, are not a representation of who we are in reality.  Because ultimately, this is all fantasy.

I'm not an expert of any means, but I would like to comment my thoughts on that.  So take anything with a grain of salt.  It almost sounds like your past does control you to a certain extent, as it holds you back from being what/who you truly are.  It sounds like you could do with finding an environment that could allow you to safely let go and indulge in who you truly are.  But I admire you for having a firm grip on your limitations.

[Azalyn]

On 16/06/2023 at 21:52, Teppo said:

I'm very sorry to hear that.  Hopefully this thread can have a bit more life than that one and bring a little peace and hope to some.

I meant to reply to this, I thought I did! I didn't mean to make it sound like I was upset over my thread. I'm just happy that people can find a safe place to vent when they need to, wherever that may be. ^-^

[Teppo]

@Azalyn Oh, I didn't think you were, Az, if you don't mind me calling you that.

I'm feeling like a bit of a sap, so I want you all to know that you are LOVED!  You are STRONG!  Everyday is a new CHANCE!  And that there are people here if you ever need to talk.  I'm talking about myself.  If that wasn't clear.

[Azalyn]

@Teppo You can call me Az, yes! 

Thank you for being so kind!

[Teppo]

@Azalyn  Thank you for saying so.  You seem pretty sweet yourself.  I'm always up for making new friends, so if you'd like to chat sometime, send me a DM.  We could probably even chat over Discord.

[Azalyn]

@Teppo I'm playing games 9 times out of 10, so I'm more active on Discord than anywhere. I don't mind talking there.