On Role-Playing Cheating and Extra-Marital Affairs

[Minorikawa]

I was plotting a roleplay with a friend when the archetype of the Bored Housewife came up. Given the light-hearted nature of the story and setting I hadn't put the thorough thought into it I normally might a character, but when she mentioned her discomfort and difficulty getting into the mindset of someone that would cheat, well, it got me contemplating the nature of such roleplays and a conversation ensued. From what I can gather, there are three approximations of how someone handles a story or character focused on an affair.

1. Dark and dramatic. The entire point of the story/roleplay is to explore the uncomfortable reality of an affair. The slow descent into corruption and giving in, the guilt, the struggle to lie and pretend that everything is okay. This is typically where the marriage may have some challenges, but no more than any marriage has. There is no moral ambiguity, the protagonists are engaging in something bad and the drama and conflict is how to get out of it.
2. Ambiguously morally justified. The spouse or partner is a verbally, if not physically, abusive asshole or is otherwise neglectful. Or they're a cold, frigid, selfish bitch. Either way, they end up having an affair or affairs, but it's justified because they'd be better off without their partner anyway.
3. The invisible spouse/partner. Our cheating protagonist is married, they have a ring on their finger, but their partner is absent and is never really seen. The character may as well be unattached, with the marriage existing for the sole purpose to add a layer of taboo to things. A dash of cayenne pepper rather than a scoop of carolina reaper.

Personally, if I'm going to do a character that's cheating, it'll lean towards 3 with maybe a dash of 2. My partner and I came up with an alternative idea that would be a bit different and unique, but I'm curious what drives other people towards such roles and roleplays. If you do cheating roles, does it take one of the above forms? Or does it look different?

Additionally, do you consider things like cuckolds as part of this category, or is that its own separate category? Do polyamorous or swinger couples fulfill a similar kink? Or are they, too, something separate?

There is certainly an appeal to the taboo of a taken man or woman, as so many taboo things have an appeal. I'm curious where others' thoughts are, if there's a point it's too much, or if you never, ever play a taken character since you are so morally against cheating.

[Sirène]

A bit of a preface, when I approach roleplay I never come into it with my feelings into my character. It's always me writing for a character and keeping myself and said character(s) separate. With that said, I can write any type of plot and there was a time when I've done cheating roleplays but they became repetitive with someone cheating for the hell of it or having a spouse be neglectful so finding comfort in that. Now, none of that interests me.

If I were to do a roleplay with an affair again, I want to write a scenario where someone is in a happy loving marriage but for some reason, they find an attraction to another person. They love their spouse, of course, but then there's a pull toward this other person they cannot understand nor deny. Naturally, guilt must be explored. The effects of what an affair has on not only the spouses but family. It's so easy to just have a character have an affair for the fun of it but it's more appealing for me to explore their guilt and the consequences of their actions, what happens in the long run instead of cheating just to cheat. I don't even know if I could put myself in any category, honestly. 

I have never done anything polyamorous or cuckold so I can't say anything about that. 

[WickedCadrach]

When I've RP'd affair plots, my partners typically want something like position 2 or 3. But beyond that, there's a version of position 2 that blurs pretty hard with cucking, because the moral justification isn't due to some traditional moral failure on the husband's part (he's not neglectful or abusive, in fact, he's usually portrayed as angelically sweet and thoughtful) but because he fails the 'man test'. He's not masculine enough or dominant enough, so the affair is justified. I'm sure the inverse exists, where a husband's affair is 'justified' by the wife not being feminine or submissive enough, but I've never encountered it. 

I do think the taboo is a big draw to affair plots. I've never rp'd a swinger or poly situation (at least not as the focus of the rp), but I have a feeling this is why they aren't as in-demand as affair plots. And yeah... a wedding ring sometimes does make a guy hotter. On the other hand, my RP experiences tell me that there's a lot of power fantasy and wish fulfillment behind guys that want to do an affair plot, because so much of it funnels into 'wow, you're so much stronger/better/bigger than my husband!' Rather than being more 'compatible' or anything softer like that (I guess it's worth clarifying that most of the time the guys I've RP'd with want to be 'the other man' and not a husband having an affair. Take that how you like).

If I ever set up my own affair RP, I think I would go with something closer to position 1. Pain, inner conflict, and potential for emotional and external fallout sound much more interesting than handwaving why the affair is actually ok. But I've also never been in a deep 'I want to marry this person'-kind of relationship where my partner cheated.