Let's start being honest about sex!

[Somethingsomething]

1 hour ago, Xenia Renekton said:

To each their own I say. Im at 22 and still no action of even a kiss but thats me myself and I. I know what I want in life as well and sex has never been on my priorities? But itll probably happen when the time is right for me and hopefully with the right person. 

I think it is absolutely fine to take your time. If you do not feel of missing out anything, why should you stress yourself about it. And if you do not feel comfortable being touched by others, wait until a person comes that makes you feel so comfortable, that you feel good about being touched.

[Imouto Kanna]

I don't find virginity to be all that special. It's a social concept. However, if someone feels their virginity is special, I'm not going to argue with them (unless they wanna debate). I respect other people can have different opinions than my own. ^^ Sex for the first time with someone you love will always be special, whether or not that was your first time having sex ever. Having that bond makes it special.

To me, virginity just feels like it's used to control and shame people. Sexuality should be celebrated! I'm also, unsurprisingly, against waiting for marriage to have sex....   Sexuality is so complex and it is totally possible to not be compatible sexually with someone.

[Imouto Kanna]

6 hours ago, KinkyKathy said:

As much as I sometimes wished I was a flower child of the 1960's when sex was free and open, to me a girl's virginity has always been the ultimate gift, something of hers that belonged to her alone and when she finally gave it she would be rewarded by her first orgasm.....boy, talk about viewing life through rose colored glasses.....

Oof if only. First boyfriend I had never made me orgasm once. First two boyfriends actually. Funny how much our perspectives change as we age.

[Somethingsomething]

34 minutes ago, Imouto Kanna said:

Oof if only. First boyfriend I had never made me orgasm once. First two boyfriends actually. Funny how much our perspectives change as we age.

I guess the female orgasm is just not having such a high priority - neither in male nor in female perspectives, especially when people are younger. It was the experience that I made too. I honestly never really considered an orgasm to be an important part of my sexuality because, I always enjoyed sex, with an orgasm or without. It was like the cherry on the cake. I guess girls are not raised with enough sexual self-confidence to insist on their orgasms right away. However this might be different if you start your sexual journey in a long term relationship in which in general I guess there is more playing around and more exploring each other. But it might also dependent on how easily you come, if you come by penetration only (I guess that is the minority though), etc..

[Somethingsomething]

1 hour ago, Imouto Kanna said:

Sex for the first time with someone you love will always be special, whether or not that was your first time having sex ever. Having that bond makes it special.

[Somethingsomething]

1 hour ago, Imouto Kanna said:

Sexuality should be celebrated! I'm also, unsurprisingly, against waiting for marriage to have sex....   Sexuality is so complex and it is totally possible to not be compatible sexually with someone.

Well, I do actually know a guy that is very religious and him actually did wait until marriage. I think there is nothing wrong about that. Sure, people can be not compatible with someone, but I guess since you still make out and share some kind of intimacy, you kind of get a feeling whether you groove together or not. And I think if both really decide to wait, they will develop your sexuality together, which bonds them on a whole new level. I guess if you know that you will stay together for the rest of your life and do not have any comparisons, it is easier to adjust yourself to your partner and the other way around.

[Imouto Kanna]

2 minutes ago, Somethingsomething said:

I guess the female orgasm is just not having such a high priority - neither in male nor in female perspectives, especially when people are younger. It was the experience that I made too. I honestly never really considered an orgasm to be an important part of my sexuality because, I always enjoyed sex, with an orgasm or without. It was like the cherry on the cake. I guess girls are not raised with enough sexual self-confidence to insist on their orgasms right away. However this might be different if you start your sexual journey in a long term relationship in which in general I guess there is more playing around and more exploring each other. But it might also dependent on how easily you come, if you come by penetration only (I guess that is the minority though), etc..

I just think that most ~young~ people don't realize that for most women clitoral stimulation is required to orgasm. So young guys think they can get away with just penetration and it's her fault if she doesn't orgasm (I'm sure many young women feel the same way too).  I also had little to no confidence when I was younger ( I still struggle) and didn't speak up that I hadn't cum even though we dated for a year and a half. I imagine they just assumed I did or didn't care. 

I was the same, I just enjoyed sex for sex. Now I want orgasms... life's too short to not have them especially if I put in extra effort for you to (my current partner is on meds that can make it hard for him to). And it's really not that hard for me personally to get off. I can get off in less than a minute with a toy. My partner just has to be willing to use them. 

[Buio Banned]

1 hour ago, Imouto Kanna said:

Oof if only. First boyfriend I had never made me orgasm once. First two boyfriends actually. Funny how much our perspectives change as we age.

Funny that, I actually had the opposite situation in that, as the guy, I didn't cum with the first few girls I hooked up with though I always made sure to get them off as many times as they wanted.

Probably helps that I was 21 and had done plenty of research (and also 'research') by the time i lost my virginity. Oh yeah and that my main kink is female pleasure lol.

 

[Imouto Kanna]

20 minutes ago, Somethingsomething said:

Well, I do actually know a guy that is very religious and him actually did wait until marriage. I think there is nothing wrong about that. Sure, people can be not compatible with someone, but I guess since you still make out and share some kind of intimacy, you kind of get a feeling whether you groove together or not. And I think if both really decide to wait, they will develop your sexuality together, which bonds them on a whole new level. I guess if you know that you will stay together for the rest of your life and do not have any comparisons, it is easier to adjust yourself to your partner and the other way around.

As I said before, I'm not gonna tell him that he is wrong. He is allowed to think that way and both of us are allowed to feel the other person is wrong with their beliefs. 
I disagree. I feel that a lot goes into how someone's tastes develop sexually so even if you do wait it's still possible.

Sex is very important to me in a relationship where I have considered ending one over it. It all comes down to personal preferences. But in your friend's case I get where you are coming from.

[Imouto Kanna]

1 minute ago, Buio said:

Funny that, I actually had the opposite situation in that, as the guy, I didn't cum with the first few girls I hooked up with though I always made sure to get them off as many times as they wanted.

Probably helps that I was 21 and had done plenty of research (and also 'research') by the time i lost my virginity. Oh yeah and that my main kink is female pleasure lol.

 

That's interesting.
Maybe it's also the "quality" of your research? Like some porn is hella unrealistic and I'm sure some people don't know any better 
I love pleasing my partner but I start to get cranky if I'm not satisfied.. I've coined the term "dickpressed" instead of depressed lmao

[Buio Banned]

well, as I said, i did actual research beyond just porn. to the point that I was often the one teaching my female friends about themselves (things like the g spot actually just being the underside of the larger clitoral structure, proper preparation needed for anal, etc.) several years before I'd g on to actually lose my virginity.

I honestly would love to be a sexologist one day though I have absolutely no idea how I'd actually get there any time soon.

but yeah, a neat side effect of being a horny bastard since literally as long as I can remember but also having a great fascination with the human mind for about as long, was that I ended up being very intrigued in and looking up lots of things about sex and sexuality in more academic settings rather than just for spectacle. 

Also helps that pretty much every girlfriend I had when i was a teenager were met online and (thus pretty much always lived on a different continent), so whenever I was planning on eventually meeting up with anyone I wanted to make sure I was able to make it a pleasant experience once it happened haha.

[Imouto Kanna]

2 minutes ago, Buio said:

well, as I said, i did actual research beyond just porn. to the point that I was often the one teaching my female friends about themselves (things like the g spot actually just being the underside of the larger clitoral structure, proper preparation needed for anal, etc.) several years before I'd g on to actually lose my virginity.

I honestly would love to be a sexologist one day though I have absolutely no idea how I'd actually get there any time soon.

but yeah, a neat side effect of being a horny bastard since literally as long as I can remember but also having a great fascination with the human mind for about as long, was that I ended up being very intrigued in and looking up lots of things about sex and sexuality in more academic settings rather than just for spectacle. 

Also helps that pretty much every girlfriend I had when i was a teenager were met online and (thus pretty much always lived on a different continent), so whenever I was planning on eventually meeting up with anyone I wanted to make sure I was able to make it a pleasant experience once it happened haha.

I remember being like that too. I did some research. Tried to help out my fellow classmates in middle or high school by giving them a stapled stack of paper with "sex facts" on them lmao. 
Though I lost my virginity quite young. I always thought it would be enjoyable to learn more about sex and then spread that teaching onto others. Sadly, my health isn't good enough for any of that though  I took a few classes in college and loved them.  I've always found sexuality so fascinating.

But that's very sweet of you to do so much. Only 1 boyfriend of the 4 long term ones I had actually felt like he enjoyed pleasing me as much as he enjoyed being pleasured himself. Sometimes I miss the sex he and I had, it was fantastic. 

[Buio Banned]

11 hours ago, Imouto Kanna said:

But that's very sweet of you to do so much. Only 1 boyfriend of the 4 long term ones I had actually felt like he enjoyed pleasing me as much as he enjoyed being pleasured himself. Sometimes I miss the sex he and I had, it was fantastic. 

I'm quite sorry to hear that. It is a great shame that so few of us get to find sexual partners who really fit us (enjoyable as the sex with my wife has been compared to previous girls, it is more common than not for us to go several months and even up to nearly a year in between sex because of various factors including her low sex drive).

It reminds me of an article I read once about a woman arguing for more polyamorous leaning social norms. Her argument was simply that in generations past, marriage was something done for utilitarian purposes more often than not. You were expected to find someoen who could provide a good home first and then 'learn to love them' later. However in modern day, with our understanding of healthy and fulfilling relationships having evolved so much, she felt it was honestly unrealistic and unfair for her to ask just one man to fulfil her emotinally, build a solid financial life together, understand her cerebrally, and then meet all her physical needs and be compatible sexually on top of all that. She argued that it only made sense to split up those tasks between different people of different specializations and interests instead on throwing all that on the shoulders of one partner or to settle for 'good enough' while feeling hidden resentment that part of her life was not being fulfilled. She didn't ignore the concept of jealousy f course, but rather simply stated that it should really be more generally acceptable that people talk things out and come to an understanding that satisfies everyone as best as possible.

Though I'm of course biased, having identified as poly ever since I learned of the concept at around 16, I certainly find it hard to refute her logic and find myself wishing that the idea of our partners' different needs being met by different people did not make us so negative and jealous as a rule.

[Somethingsomething]

13 hours ago, Imouto Kanna said:

Sex is very important to me in a relationship where I have considered ending one over it.

Definitely!

 

12 hours ago, Buio said:

Though I'm of course biased, having identified as poly ever since I learned of the concept at around 16, I certainly find it hard to refute her logic and find myself wishing that the idea of our partners' different needs being met by different people did not make us so negative and jealous as a rule.

Phew.. Well, I mean in a way we do split out different needs onto different people. We have friends that we share hobbies with, with whom we communicate on a deep, emotional level, but with whom we do not share our sexuality. And then we have a partner that we share intimacy with and certain aspects of our life.

Speaking for myself, I do not find polyamory appealing at all. I wouldn't want to share my partner with anyone, as selfish as it sounds. But I do know people that live or lived that way and for whom it was just the right thing. One friend of mine even made coffee for the girls that his girlfriend brought home   (non-existent jealousy level 100). And another friend of mine had just such an enormous sex drive (seriously. I don't know anyone like her) that she simply could not restrain her sexuality to one person.

[Buio Banned]

Oh yeah, poly isn't for absolutely everyone, and I don't know any poly person that has not had to deal with jealousy in some form or another through their experiences.

I guess my point was that I wish it was more generally accepted as an option, and there wasn't just this stigma that polyamory was about 'being allowed to cheat whenever you want'. To me that's missing the point just as much as asking a gay couple 'so who's the man and who's the woman between you two?'

[Somethingsomething]

Well, I don't know how it is in Denmark, but I have the feeling that in Germany being polyamorous is pretty much accepted. I never heard anybody talking about it in a way that suggested it was basically "free cheating". But then again I guess it depends on the part of society that you're mostly interacting with and and and.

[Buio Banned]

Well, to be fair I'm only residing in Denmark, and have been for only about 4 years.

My home is Canada, and that's the standard i was speaking from

[Imouto Kanna]

7 hours ago, Buio said:

I guess my point was that I wish it was more generally accepted as an option, and there wasn't just this stigma that polyamory was about 'being allowed to cheat whenever you want'. 

I never thought as poly as cheating either. You can still cheat while being polyamorous (though I'm sure you don't need me telling you that lol). To the people who can be polyamorous, good on them. I have too many insecurities and jealousy would be a huge issue for me, so I see myself sticking with monogamy. 

[Somethingsomething]

On 17/02/2021 at 16:31, Buio said:

Well, to be fair I'm only residing in Denmark, and have been for only about 4 years.

My home is Canada, and that's the standard i was speaking from

That's quite a distance! How do you like it in Denmark? Are you planning to go back to Canada at one point?

 

Okay, so next honest question:

Guys and girls, what do you think of body hair? I love this question because some people find it so utterly disgusting and I am still trying to find out why Obviously the beauty standard in most societies is hairless, but what do you guys think?

[Buio Banned]

1 hour ago, Somethingsomething said:

That's quite a distance! How do you like it in Denmark? Are you planning to go back to Canada at one point?

Ehhhh. Denmark is hardly the worst place to live in the world, and I have to be thankful for the fact that it is helping me get an education (smithing program set to start in august, assuming covid doesn't fuck that up) but as I've said to practically everyone whose asked me the same question: There is nowhere in the world where it is comfortable or uplifting to be a black immigrant who isn't fluent in the local language (still conversational, mind you) when the populace is rich, white, and infuriatingly comfortable with the way things are for themselves. Going into more detail than that would go fairly beyond the purview of this thread's topic, but yeah my wife (herself a native Dane) are quite looking forward to the day when we can afford to move back to Canada (though we foresee that being only in like 7 years at the very soonest).

 

 

1 hour ago, Somethingsomething said:

what do you think of body hair?

back on topic, I hardly find it 'disgusting', but I will admit a mild preference for shaven over hairy. Smooth is just preferred to fuzzy for me, as far as textures go, and especially when it comes to pubic hair I prefer the aesthetics of no bush vs bush. Not to mention that hair holds on to odor much more easily.

That said, i've never even dreamed of holding it against a woman if she chooses not to bother with all that. I tried shaving my armpits for a while when i was a teenager and thinking it might help with my BO, and ugh that upkeep alone was aggravating, not to mention the itchiness every few days.

[Somethingsomething]

29 minutes ago, Buio said:

smithing program set to start in august, assuming covid doesn't fuck that up

I'm having my fingers crossed that you can start in august!

29 minutes ago, Buio said:

There is nowhere in the world where it is comfortable or uplifting to be a black immigrant who isn't fluent in the local language (still conversational, mind you) when the populace is rich, white, and infuriatingly comfortable with the way things are for themselves.

Phew, I can understand. I do have someone in my family who immigrated from the States to Germany and who is afroamerican. It is tough. And it is awful and terrifying how invisible this problem is for most of the society, simply because it doesn't affect them directly and they never really experienced racism.

 

36 minutes ago, Buio said:

back on topic

Haha, yeah, the itchiness is real!

If you think about why we even have pubic or armpit hair, it absolutely makes sense that odor holds on to it more easily. However I have experienced that there is not such a great difference if you just keep up your regular hygiene routines.

Well, I honestly like hair. It's not that I have a hairy people fetish, I just like the aesthetics of it. But I absolutely do not care how my partner handles his body hair, I guess I would just be a bit weirded out if he would start to shave his legs However, I am an absolute beard person. Some (but honestly few) men look good without it, but almost all of them (that are able to grow a beard) look just so much better with it! But I also know girls that like it the other way around. There is never a way to make everyone happy

About the armpit hair: Honestly, if I was blond, I would dye my armpit hair purple. I would honestly love that. However I don't like to let it grow out, I usually trim it (none of the itchiness, none of the absolute hairiness), sometimes I shave it. It depends on my mood and how confident I feel, because you do get stares if your armpits are not completely shaved if you're a girl. I think most people do not find it appealing, but most of the times I'm confident enough to just not care. It's different with leg hair, I do not like that too much. I might would let it grow out if I (again) was blond, because you would barely see it anyways then, but since I am not, I shave it. I honestly also like to have smooth legs. Such a good feeling. About pubic hair, I think completely shaved looks kind of.. odd? But nah, I'm not a big fan of bushes neither. But luckily there are many options between not shaved at all and completely shaved It was different when I was a teenager though. Every hair was my enemy back then

[Imouto Kanna]

5 hours ago, Somethingsomething said:

Guys and girls, what do you think of body hair? I love this question because some people find it so utterly disgusting and I am still trying to find out why Obviously the beauty standard in most societies is hairless, but what do you guys think?

I love body hair on males, don't care for back hair though. Feels really manly.
As for women I'm not fond of hairy armpits, but I'm fine with other hair! I will say though if I was going to go down on her I'd appreciate the area around being hairless. I've never actually gone down on a woman yet though. That's how I keep my pubes, I shave around both openings but usually keep a tuft on the pubic bone area.

[Imouto Kanna]

2 hours ago, Somethingsomething said:

Haha, yeah, the itchiness is real!

If you think about why we even have pubic or armpit hair, it absolutely makes sense that odor holds on to it more easily. However I have experienced that there is not such a great difference if you just keep up your regular hygiene routines.

 

I've read hypothesis that it has something to do with evolution. So for example you can tell a lot about a person according to how they smell. For the sake of best survival we want people with very different immune systems than us so our offspring have a higher chance of survival. That's why some people really love how their partner's smell while other's can't stand it. I don't recall if this is proven or not. But if you're curious I'm sure a google search could bring up some articles easily ^^

[Buio Banned]

2 hours ago, Somethingsomething said:

However, I am an absolute beard person. Some (but honestly few) men look good without it, but almost all of them (that are able to grow a beard) look just so much better with it!

hahaha, you and my wife would get along swimmingly. I never used to keep anything but a goatee before, but have maintained a full beard ever since we first started dating because according to her it makes me look 'majestic'.

 

2 hours ago, Somethingsomething said:

Honestly, if I was blond, I would dye my armpit hair purple. I would honestly love that.

hahaha, see, now that I could actually appreciate. It's one of those thinsg where, because it's so very eyecatching I'd actually find the aesthetics of it cool as hell.

You'd probably get just about everyone assuming you were a lesbian though

2 hours ago, Somethingsomething said:

About pubic hair, I think completely shaved looks kind of.. odd?

I get that, I think that part really just comes down to whatever you're exposed to most culturally. North American porn is quite fond of the full shave look for all their actresses and most of their actors, so that's just how I got used to seeing genitals when my aesthetic preferences were being formed. Like you said though, there's a thousand different ways to style and trim your pubic hair so it's not like it's a binary choice.

16 minutes ago, Imouto Kanna said:

I will say though if I was going to go down on her I'd appreciate the area around being hairless.

haha, it's as they say 'no one likes to floss while they eat'


 

[Buio Banned]

Oh! here's another thing that I feel tragically few people know about.

*clears throat* Sex is not "supposed" to hurt, ever.

This is particularly true for losing your virginity, girls. A depressing amount of media and 'common knowledge' will tell you that your first time always hurts, and that your hymen is supposed to be torn and bleed.

that is complete bollocks.

The hymen is not a 'seal' over the vagina that needs to be pierced in order to penetrate. It's more like an arching hood that, if handled with care, will stretch as much as any other part of you.

The myth of 'popping your cherry' is one that has developed through millennia of uncaring male partners just forcing themselves without grace on their wives and other female 'conquests'. it is a product of the historical patriarchy mixed with the lack of sexual education that permeated most societies.
 

So yeah, anyone who tells you "oh yeah, sex is just supposed to hurt for your first few times. you get used to it" is entirely wrong. The vagina is meant to be able to pass a baby, there's no way it's "supposed" to tear at the simple insertion of a penis, even if you're dating mandingo.