What was your hardest pill to swallow?

[Nafarman]

Just a semi-serious thread to share some things about our life lessons, talk it out or write a few pages from our journals.

I will go first obviously.

Mine was realizing just cause someone means a lot to me doesn't mean I mean a lot to them, or anything at all.

[Pixel]

Damn, I feel that one. 

Growing up with a very black and white mentality on moral code (due to the contrast in ways I viewed my mother and father, who both claimed to be "raising and teaching" me and my brother.), accepting the fact that good people are capable of doing bad things. People who I love and love me, friends, family, myself, lovers, etc, all at some point have/will hurt you and each other in some way or another. That's just life.

[Gangsta Moll Deactivated]

Accepting that just because we love each other doesn't mean we could stay married.

[Nafarman]

10 hours ago, Pixel said:

Growing up with a very black and white mentality on moral code (due to the contrast in ways I viewed my mother and father, who both claimed to be "raising and teaching" me and my brother.), accepting the fact that good people are capable of doing bad things. People who I love and love me, friends, family, myself, lovers, etc, all at some point have/will hurt you and each other in some way or another. That's just life.

That's so relatable honestly. My parents are really religious and I was raised with sort of the same mentality too. It was more of a struggle for me to believe I wasn't an innately bad person just cause I wasn't religious or didn't fit well to the spectrum of the "good" .

53 minutes ago, Gangsta Moll said:

Accepting that just because we love each other doesn't mean we could stay married.

I admire your strength to come to terms with something like that. Life isn't fair, we all know that but it's never easy to believe that.

[Pixel]

16 minutes ago, Nafarman said:

 

I admire your strength to come to terms with something like that. Life isn't fair, we all know that but it's never easy to believe that.

Especially when, with hindsight, everything seems like the solution could have been so simple, yet in the moment, it never is and we tend to repeat mistakes.

[Nafarman]

2 minutes ago, Pixel said:

Especially when, with hindsight, everything seems like the solution could have been so simple, yet in the moment, it never is and we tend to repeat mistakes.

Mhmm, I agree with that.

[ElieCapulet30]

Wow hmmmm I have alot. Recently my trauma with my father was reopened. From the age of 13 all the way to 18. He used me as his sexual toy saying that it would help him with his job. I was never to tell anyone or he'd have people hurt and kill the ones I love. He'd rape me while I was sleeping for sleep and would either leave the cum inside me, on my outer lips or on my stomach. He never clean it up and never wore a condom. He'd make my mother intoxicated and have her eat me out and pin me down and have me eat her out. He'd have us share toys and never give me the aftercare I needed. All I wanted was for him to tell me how proud he was of me and I never got that. I got called a rag doll, slut, cum dump and so much more. So in my adult life I have a hard time trusting others and even thinking I look sexy....at least my wife thinks I'm sexy......

[Nafarman]

32 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Wow hmmmm I have alot. Recently my trauma with my father was reopened. From the age of 13 all the way to 18. He used me as his sexual toy saying that it would help him with his job. I was never to tell anyone or he'd have people hurt and kill the ones I love. He'd rape me while I was sleeping for sleep and would either leave the cum inside me, on my outer lips or on my stomach. He never clean it up and never wore a condom. He'd make my mother intoxicated and have her eat me out and pin me down and have me eat her out. He'd have us share toys and never give me the aftercare I needed. All I wanted was for him to tell me how proud he was of me and I never got that. I got called a rag doll, slut, cum dump and so much more. So in my adult life I have a hard time trusting others and even thinking I look sexy....at least my wife thinks I'm sexy......

It's always those empty threats to kill the people we love or take away something we love to keep us quiet and in line... It's heartbreaking to hear that, to be abused by the very man who was supposed to protect you from all harm's way. If you'd want to you can talk about what reopened that trauma.

Outside the stereotypes of being sexy or hot, I just believe we look like, "us" you know? Maybe an eye candy on a good day and a mess on the bad but we are still our own unique person everyday, not perfect but beautiful anyway.

[Pixel]

I

Don't even have words

Other than to say that it's very brave and strong of you to be able to talk about something that horrific.

I'm so sorry you had to live through it, but I'm glad that you did live through it.

[ElieCapulet30]

@Pixeland @Nafarman my father was in the Army for 30 plus years. He hurt my 6 month year old nephew and had my niece and himself (my nephew) taken away. So my sister wanted to know about past abuse. Even the cops did....sadly we don't know if the kids will come home. 

Also trust me living through wasn't easy. I use to cut myself and use a needle to do it.

[Nafarman]

2 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

my father was in the Army for 30 plus years. He hurt my 6 month year old nephew and had my niece and himself (my nephew) taken away. So my sister wanted to know about past abuse. Even the cops did....sadly we don't know if the kids will come home

I hope he gets what he deserves.

2 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Also trust me living through wasn't easy. I use to cut myself and use a needle to do it.

I can understand that... How are you managing now? Did you get or try to get any help in the past?

[ElieCapulet30]

@Nafarman to tell you truth I never got help. However the one person that helped me the most was my wife. We met in 6th grade and she chanced my life for better. We've been friends for over 18 years and soon to be married for 9 years. She held me most nights and let me cry in her arms. She is the one person who treats me a queen. Even if I am chubby and have love handles.....but she loves them. Alot has happened in my past and alot of it involves losing people or almost losing people I live. But I thank my art,writing,friends, role plays, video games and so many animes for helping me through the years. Also the thing my wife said to me when she found out I cut......"As long as one person on this earth cares for you....you can't end it. You can't kill yourself "

[Nafarman]

2 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

@Nafarman to tell you truth I never got help. However the one person that helped me the most was my wife. We met in 6th grade and she chanced my life for better. We've been friends for over 18 years and soon to be married for 9 years. She held me most nights and let me cry in her arms. She is the one person who treats me a queen. Even if I am chubby and have love handles.....but she loves them. Alot has happened in my past and alot of it involves losing people or almost losing people I live. But I thank my art,writing,friends, role plays, video games and so many animes for helping me through the years. Also the thing my wife said to me when she found out I cut......"As long as one person on this earth cares for you....you can't end it. You can't kill yourself "

That's all we need really, someone to be there for us in our darkest hours and never giving up on us. As long as there is someone to show the error in our coping mechanisms and help us see better coping mechanisms, we can start healing.

Losing people is something we don't really have any controls over. Things happen cause life goes on. It's impossible to have everyone take the same turns as we do. I'm really glad to hear you have someone who can pull you out of the abyss when you begin to sink.

And also, congratulations in advance for your 9 anniversary. Many more to come!

[ElieCapulet30]

Thanks, we would have had a 12 year old son but God loved him to much . He'll give him when....when he's ready. Sorry...it took alot to share these things but I'm happy I did.

[Nafarman]

2 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Thanks, we would have had a 12 year old son but God loved him to much . He'll give him when....when he's ready. Sorry...it took alot to share these things but I'm happy I did.

I'm really sorry to hear about your son...

And I can understand that. It needs a serious amount of mental strength to even get prepared to open up about such topics. I really appreciate that you did. Please don't apologize for it, I really hope talking it out made things lighter for you and helped calming the chaos in your head; even if it just a little bit.

[ElieCapulet30]

Just now, Nafarman said:

I'm really sorry to hear about your son...

And I can understand that. It needs a serious amount of mental strength to even get prepared to open up about such topics. I really appreciate that you did. Please don't apologize for it, I really hope talking it out made things lighter for you and helped calming the chaos in your head; even if it just a little bit.

Trust me it helped alot. I don't normal share my past. That was one of bigger things that happened to me. That's why I don't really do Father x Daughter role-plays. I even went out way to find better father figures in animes to replace my own father. But if you ever wish to know more about my past I will gladly share it.

[Nafarman]

2 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Trust me it helped alot. I don't normal share my past. That was one of bigger things that happened to me. That's why I don't really do Father x Daughter role-plays. I even went out way to find better father figures in animes to replace my own father. But if you ever wish to know more about my past I will gladly share it.

My inbox is always open if you'd want to talk more about it, or you can always use this thread whenever you need to let off some steam.

I'm really glad that it helped you. Sometimes all we need a pair of ears to listen to us to see clearer.

I can understand that. There quite a few plots of roleplays I tend to avoid as well for similar reasons. Speaking of anime fathers though, I think Whitebeard from Onepiece will always be my favorite.

[ElieCapulet30]

Yeah I get alot of people asking for it. Bit my father figures are:

• Toguro from YYH
• Zhongli from Genshin Impact

Sadly that's it I have alot of big brother figures in anime since I'm the oldest out 4

[Nafarman]

2 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Sadly that's it I have alot of big brother figures in anime since I'm the oldest out 4

Oddly enough, I used to look for and still do sometimes for elder sister figures in anime.

3 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Yeah I get alot of people asking for it

It is a popular taboo cliche I suppose. I personally prefer brother-sister and mom-son, sometimes, aunt-nephew when it comes to roleplaying incest plots.

5 minutes ago, ElieCapulet30 said:

Zhongli from Genshin Impact

Ahh... Zhongli. I spent 220 wishes to get him last time but Mihoyo is a bitch sooo yeah, no luck xD

[ElieCapulet30]

Just now, Nafarman said:

Oddly enough, I used to look for and still do sometimes for elder sister figures in anime.

It is a popular taboo cliche I suppose. I personally prefer brother-sister and mom-son, sometimes, aunt-nephew when it comes to roleplaying incest plots.

Ahh... Zhongli. I spent 220 wishes to get him last time but Mihoyo is a bitch sooo yeah, no luck xD

Lol my wife spent like 88 wishes to get him. But omg Xiao, Scaramoche, Ayato and Thoma are so yummy....ah sorry about that.

I like to rp older brother x younger sister role plays and if I do Fandom rps I kind of do it like fanfic but keep the world and people and some events

[Ventus]

I fear failure. I grew up with a dad who while not abusive was the type of Dad that was easy to disappoint. I remember when I was in football and we lost a game and he was super pissed off at me cuz he thought I didn't try. But I did try he was just mad and of course he never apologized or anything. I've also never dated anyone. The first time I asked a girl out I got overly emotional and to make a long story short people thought I tried to kill myself so my entire Middle School life was hell and of course my dad did nothing to consult me about it to be fair though none of my family did so that's why it's easier for me to talk to people online like this cuz if least I can put on a mask and people won't have to worry about the loser I really am.

[Nafarman]

19 minutes ago, Ventus said:

I fear failure. I grew up with a dad who while not abusive was the type of Dad that was easy to disappoint. I remember when I was in football and we lost a game and he was super pissed off at me cuz he thought I didn't try. But I did try he was just mad and of course he never apologized or anything. I've also never dated anyone. The first time I asked a girl out I got overly emotional and to make a long story short people thought I tried to kill myself so my entire Middle School life was hell and of course my dad did nothing to consult me about it to be fair though none of my family did so that's why it's easier for me to talk to people online like this cuz if least I can put on a mask and people won't have to worry about the loser I really am.

I can feel where you are coming from and I'm sorry to hear that life put a lens like that on your eyes. I know just words barely ever fix anything, but there are always different angles to look at ourselves, come to terms with our flaws and eventually becoming a better version of ourselves. It's never easy to move on from our traumas, and how we have gotten used to looking at ourselves, but it's not impossible. With time and effort we can get to a better place, no matter wherever we are.

[Ventus]

I sure hope so. its just hard to go through that.

[Lookin4fun]

I admire the bravery of everybody who has opened up here. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to post my story here...

But as far as the hardest pills / life lessons... here are some from my life, in no particular order. Sorry for being cryptic and going off on the inevitable tangent...

 

Sometimes the opinions of others don't matter. You just gotta do whatever it is you gotta do, no matter how lonely or alienating that decision is going to be, because sometimes you are your only advocate.

Love is an action, not a feeling. You can feel the world for a person, but if their actions say otherwise, then there is no love for you there.

Healthy boundaries are key in any relationship/friendship.

Sometimes you need to cut ties with a person. Whether they are toxic, destructive, or unable to break mal-adaptive patterns, whatever the reason.

Sometimes you are not equipped to help people.

The choices of others do not reflect on you.

Your diagnosis does not define you.

The practiced liar will steamroll the naive every time.

Some family are in name only. They'll preach family until it's their turn to contribute.

DNA and ancestry.com don't lie, unlike "family." After 30+ years of lies, I finally got an answer.

Procrastinating only hurts you.

Alcohol... moderation only. Never have an important conversation when you are not sober.

You are not doomed by the past. You are not bound to repeat the mistakes of your parent. You can break the cycle, you just have to choose to do so every day.

The selfish generation isn't the millennials. I have accomplished more in my short time on this Earth than the brainless selfish baby boomers who constantly bitch about "young people these days." They only say that as a cope because they retired at 40 and squandered the economic hegemony given to them by the post-WW2 globalist economy created by the sacrifices of their parents. The "boomers" didn't serve or tighten their belts, but boy do they claim to support the military. Keep your "Well I would've joined, but my bum knee!" and "Well, my recruiter REALLY wanted ME to join!" Fuck off, boomer, you won't be missed. Seethe about us while we forge a world that will leave you behind.

[Ravenmarie323]

Mine is:

 

-as a person with adhd i had to learn to be exta quiet and make as little noise as possible so i dont annoy everyone around me

 

-As a bigger person i was taught to take up as little space as possible To not inconvienence those i share space with. 

 

-I was taught as a person who wore their heart on their sleeve to not bother everyone around me with my needs. 

 

-As a person with bipolar i was taught by society to bottle ALL of my emotions so i wasnt a problem for anyone else to try to handle my emotions...

 

Today this hit really hard. We were taking cans to turn them in. I pressed myself into the car door and tried not to touch the bags of cans so i didnt make them crinkle.....