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ArdillaVerde93


  The world is a scary place. For the longest time, I wondered why people would say that. I felt love and happiness, so I didn't understand how this world could be so scary, when I saw beauty in it. I still see beauty, but not as much light, or happiness. And I understand now why the world is scary. Not to mention why I didn't understand it before. Because I had you. I loved you, and that hasn't changed. I saw you were hurt, and I wanted to help. I promised you. I promised to always be by your side when you needed me. But I broke that promise, and I've never forgiven myself. You were hurting so much. It hurt me, too, but I'll never pretend to understand your sadness. But I truly kept you in my heart, and I still do. I always will. But I guess I shouldn't use that word. The word "always," that is. I turned that into a swear word when I wasn't there that day. I tried to make it up to you, by spending time with you. I stayed beside you for so long, hoping for forgiveness. Not from you, but from myself. And it never happened. I'd give anything to turn back time. To be by your side in your darkest hour. I know it can't happen. But I won't forget you. When you left, it felt like you took the sunlight with you. My entire world fell apart, and, even now, I walk around in this lonely world with a feeling I can describe best as a bitter chill. A chill that permeates my every cell. You were my warmth, whether you wanted to believe it or not, and I know you didn't. I gave up trying to count the number of times you told me I should find someone better. That I deserved better. That you weren't good enough. No. I saw the signs. But I didn't help. It would've been so simple for me to make you happy. I was selfish. I worried what others would think, and I left you alone, to fall deeper into depression. Into abuse. If anybody was undeserving, it was me. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to cry. But I can't do anything else. If I lived for 100 years, I could never apologise enough. But I'll start, anyway. I'm sorry. I told you that the monster of a girl who put you in the situation that made you need me in the first place was unworthy of you. May she rot in the bowels of Hell for what she did to you. But I think I hurt you even more than she did. You trusted me, and I ran away with that trust. I cry every day thinking of how easily I could've saved you. I see beauty, but I can't feel anything anymore. Except sadness. Deep, crushing sadness. And that chill. That damned chill! I'll never find anybody else. I don't wanna even try. On that day, when you left this world by your own hand,... When I lost you, I lost myself. I know we'll be together again someday. But someday is too long. I hate to use this word again, but I can't think of another way to say it. I love you, and I promise, whatever that's worth now, that you'll always be in my heart.
 

Author's note~

  Don't worry; I'm not suicidal. And I'm not mourning the loss of a loved one. I just wrote this from boredom. I don't wanna say it's an inside joke, because it isn't a joke. But it's something only SMFoxy and I will truly get. But the basic story is this. A girl falls in love with a boy who's married to an abusive woman. He ends up hospitalised, and the girl can't make it to the hospital to see him, like she promised to do when she promised to always be there for him. The boy recovers, but the abuse doesn't stop. The girl tries to offer comfort, but the damage has been done already, and the boy is mentally and emotionally scarred. A shell of his former self, thinking he doesn't deserve her love. Eventually, he commits suicide.
All in all, I think this was an hour's work.

Edited by ArdillaVerde93
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SMFoxy

I don't know what to say (but I'll try)... And I feel like if I sit here overthinking, I'll probably end up spending longer trying to write a reply than you spent on the story in the first place... xD

This is really beautifully written, especially for the short amount of time you wrote it in, and I feel like it sums up how she feels/would feel about the situation really well.
If I were to make one suggestion, it would be formatting. At the moment, it feels kind of solid, and might read a little better if broken up into smaller sections.
Even without that, I really do think you've done a great job with this. It might be a sad, and short, story, but I can't deny it's well written (nor can I deny that's only my opinon, though).

I also think that the basic background provided enough context for it to make sense. Great job condensing it down to a paragraph. xD

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ArdillaVerde93

I was hoping you'd be first. Thanks! I'm glad you like it. As far as why it's kinda a wall of text, I imagined it as the girl writing in a diary, etc.

Edited by ArdillaVerde93
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SMFoxy

Well, I was. xD
And that makes a lot of sense. Most people probably wouldn't bother formatting a personal journal or internal monologue. xD

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