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Cemetery

I just need to rant, Don't mind me.

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Cemetery

TL;DR: No where else to vent, and this kinda venting I'd rather not do in rl for.. reasons...

RL, I have no friends that I can say are my friends.  I'm friends mainly with my boyfriend's friends and that's it. I have absolutely no one of my own and it's getting to me.  So, I try to find friends via many social media sites because I'm awkward and have no clue where to even begin or how to communicate with strangers offline. (I'm also autistic and bipolar,  which does play a part in this difficulty.)  I state in my profiles that's what I want.  Platonic friends, not fuck-buddies, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, platonic. friends.  People who I can hang out with in real time and do things with and go places with.

So far, every person who has messaged me on any of these platforms have been...  disturbing.   Some will leave me alone after I say I'm taken, others will try to convince me to cheat on my current by slandering him, then you have the ones that will get angry and start insulting me because how dare I, a taken woman. seek friendship with other humans outside of my relationship!  and if I'm not getting any of those, I get the deceivers.  People who will talk with me for awhile, and once I get comfortable I let them know of my disorders.... and then all conversations cease and I'm blocked,  I do this so I'm not surrounded by people who make me feel like shit all the time for being the way I am.  OR, They will come off friendly and willing to have conversations... and then decide the route of "Oh hey, Let's talk about my cock!" which I try to steer them from, after awhile I give up and just block them.  Mind you, those people often bitch that they have no friends to begin with,  gee.. I wonder why.

My only rl friend,  I don't see or talk to because her girlfriend is a bitch and doesn't like me,  or anyone for that matter talking to her girlfriend that she doesn't approve of.

I have two online friends, but given our time differences chatting isn't always a thing we can do.  My oldest friend who I've known for 10 years now knows that and he's cool with it.  so we just chat when we can or leave messages on each others facebook.  It seems like now a days the only friendships I can have are strictly online and with me sitting behind an avatar.  People seem to be more open to being friends with me when this is the case and, That's fine and all but, I need human contact too.  I've honestly thought of contacting one of my exes and talking to them, taking them up on their offer of friendship... but that's also the same ex whose raped, stalked, and abused me when we were together, and I'd really rather not have that in my life.  Not because I doubt he's changed,  more because I know that he hasn't stopped stalking my online activity waiting for the moment to try and talk to me and get a foot back into my life again.  seeing how my nickname is Harley, I guess that makes him The Joker.

Thanks for listening.

 

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Sunstone

Hey there @Cemetery, I apologise for not replying to this sooner; I wish I had have, but I've only just seen this now due to me being flat-out busy with IRL matters over the week. Right now I do have some free time, and I want to be able to offer some help and support in regards to your post.

I can relate a lot to your situation about lacking in friendships, real life and online. I also understand that sometimes it's more difficult for some people to make friends than it is for others. I'd say you are doing the right thing in trying to overcome these difficulties. Even just acknowledging it, as you have done in this post, is the first step towards making things better.

I'm glad to see that you have decided to joined our community and reach out, it also shows that you are looking for friends and people to hang out with who share similar interests. 🙂

In regards to your... disturbing encounters, I'm really sorry you've had to put up with that... it's very unfair and quite demeaning. Unfortunately you're going to get people like that in many walks of life... especially around places that are centered around sexual activity... but, from my experience (and most other's I would imagine), the good outweighs the bad. I've been here on EcchiDreams for a little over two years now, I can safely say that the ~vast majority~ of people who make up this community are some of the nicest, most understanding, and awesome people I've ever met. But at the same time, personally, yes I've had a fair share of unwanted communication from users every now and then, but if they're getting to you that much, you've just got to block them and move on. I'm not sure if you mean to say you have had to deal with this here on EcchiDreams or not, but if you have, I would highly suggest blocking anyone who is causing you distress. There's a guide on how to Ignore/Block users here. If you are being harassed by other users, and have asked them to stop several times, you can report them to the Staff, as that is a violation of Section 10 of the Terms of Service.

Cutting toxic people out of your life can be tough. Especially if they are someone you have known and developed a connection with previously. It's the worst when they are someone you get along really well with, and then they randomly change into this other person who harbours negativity and ill-intent. I've been there myself, it all hits too close to home for me. In fact, just very recently I had to cut a toxic person out of my life who I had known for a few years, and in doing so, I've learned that sometimes it's okay to let go. If you feel that keeping in contact with someone is a struggle and burdensome, and cutting them off is going to lift the weight off of your shoulders, then I don't think there should be any shame in making that decision to distance yourself from them.

Having online friends can be wonderful, and I'm happy to hear that you have managed to hold on to a select few for some time now - 10 years in itself is pretty amazing! Having real life friends can also be great... but much more challenging compared to making friends online. My best advice I could offer is, and I apologise if it sounds really generic and you've been told it many times before, but believe me, if it has helped me overcome some of my struggles, I would hope it can for you too: Have you considered joining a local group in your community? Like, an Anime club? A board game club? Book reading club? Music group? ...Anything like that? I used to be in an Anime club a few years back, and it helped me immensely to push myself past my social anxiety and gain a level of confidence that I never really had when I was younger. I believe getting out there and finding new groups and people to hang out with is the best starting point in trying to work around things like social anxiety and social isolation.

Lastly, about your mention of one of your exes and the things they did to you... I even feel nervous bringing attention to this as it's such a horrible and deeply personal subject, but, have you alerted the police about this? I would really hope that you have... because a lot of those things you described that they did to you are crimes. This is just my two cents worth, but if I were you I wouldn't even consider having any association with that person at all. They sound dangerous. You don't need someone like that in your life. 

If you need anyone to talk to, you're more than welcome to write to me in EcchiTexts or EcchiChat (though I can't guarantee I'll be online as much as I would like due to being a full-time college student >.<) I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. I wish you well~. 🤗

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Cemetery
2 hours ago, Sunstone said:

*Removed to shorten because I have no idea how tagging works here.*

I've never had such interactions here tbh,  I just started posting here.  but in my experience of hiding online; Sites like this tend to usually have the nicest people you'll ever meet because of a single common interest between everyone here.  My experiences have mostly been on social media, I generally do end up just saying "You're making me uncomfortable, so I will have to block you.  Have a nice day" and block them after hitting send, never to hear from them again (thankfully.)

When I was younger I was all about local clubs and such because I was a home-schooled kid and that was my only social interaction beyond family. Unfortunately....  I've become agoraphobic as I've gotten older and have difficulty leaving my house without someone with me (or my service dog,  at the moment I don't have a service dog as I'm currently dealing with loss.).. I know, I desire human companionship but I'm agoraphobic. The idea of leaving the house alone does cause hives and panic attacks.

At the time, I had thought of it. I never reported it to the local police at the time because the town my family was living in; we weren't liked by the law enforcement of the town thanks to my half-sister's now exhusband, given my age at the time as well, I didn't think they would of believed me anyways.  Like I mentioned he's pretty much The Joker to me, and I don't mean that in the affectionate way that most people use it in.

Inb4 asking if I'm seeing a therapist,  Yeah.  I am.  I actually see her at the end of this week,  I've been feeling emotionally numb all week, maybe seeing her will help; I don't know what will after that, maybe a good scene at the local goth club? I'd give anything right now to not be this way.

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Imouto Kanna

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
If you want you can shoot me a message<3
I don't have any RL friends myself right now. I have my boyfriend who is in another country and a few friends online through WoW so I can relate. It's taken a huge toll on my mental health that becomes a vicious cycle. I want to go out and do things but I know no one. So then I get depressed and anxious and don't want to leave.

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Matty
Posted (edited)
On 19/03/2019 at 20:45, Cemetery said:

TL;DR: No where else to vent, and this kinda venting I'd rather not do in rl for.. reasons...

RL, I have no friends that I can say are my friends.  I'm friends mainly with my boyfriend's friends and that's it. I have absolutely no one of my own and it's getting to me.  So, I try to find friends via many social media sites because I'm awkward and have no clue where to even begin or how to communicate with strangers offline. (I'm also autistic and bipolar,  which does play a part in this difficulty.)  I state in my profiles that's what I want.  Platonic friends, not fuck-buddies, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, platonic. friends.  People who I can hang out with in real time and do things with and go places with.

So far, every person who has messaged me on any of these platforms have been...  disturbing.   Some will leave me alone after I say I'm taken, others will try to convince me to cheat on my current by slandering him, then you have the ones that will get angry and start insulting me because how dare I, a taken woman. seek friendship with other humans outside of my relationship!  and if I'm not getting any of those, I get the deceivers.  People who will talk with me for awhile, and once I get comfortable I let them know of my disorders.... and then all conversations cease and I'm blocked,  I do this so I'm not surrounded by people who make me feel like shit all the time for being the way I am.  OR, They will come off friendly and willing to have conversations... and then decide the route of "Oh hey, Let's talk about my cock!" which I try to steer them from, after awhile I give up and just block them.  Mind you, those people often bitch that they have no friends to begin with,  gee.. I wonder why.

My only rl friend,  I don't see or talk to because her girlfriend is a bitch and doesn't like me,  or anyone for that matter talking to her girlfriend that she doesn't approve of.

I have two online friends, but given our time differences chatting isn't always a thing we can do.  My oldest friend who I've known for 10 years now knows that and he's cool with it.  so we just chat when we can or leave messages on each others facebook.  It seems like now a days the only friendships I can have are strictly online and with me sitting behind an avatar.  People seem to be more open to being friends with me when this is the case and, That's fine and all but, I need human contact too.  I've honestly thought of contacting one of my exes and talking to them, taking them up on their offer of friendship... but that's also the same ex whose raped, stalked, and abused me when we were together, and I'd really rather not have that in my life.  Not because I doubt he's changed,  more because I know that he hasn't stopped stalking my online activity waiting for the moment to try and talk to me and get a foot back into my life again.  seeing how my nickname is Harley, I guess that makes him The Joker.

Thanks for listening.

 

YO I FEEL YOU, I feel you so hard.

I moved away from the city I was raised in to go to college and in the 4 years I've been here I have not made a single friend, so I've just been on a campus by myself for almost 5 years now. Like, I tried everything. Local stores, local hobby shops, school clubs, talking to students, ect. Though, I try to be as agender as possible in my appearances so sometimes i think that maybe i make people uncomfortable? Thats just one thing tho. I've had people go out of their way to talk to me all friendly like but the moment I do the same they suddenly turn tail and run. I get the feeling that college campus hook up culture has something to do.with it? That an the fact that everyone who's here already has their own cliques and groups so they probably dont even want another friend. But during that time I tried asking the few friends I have left to just play some games with me some more than just the once a month I was getting from them. I explained the psychological and physiological issues that come from isolation, I mean for fucks sakes isolation It's one of the worst in-prison punishments someone can be given, but they still couldnt be bothered to even watch a movie with me online. These are people I've known most my life, mind you lol

I guess I'm also ranting because this is something that weighs heavy on my heart everyday but I stay silent about it because I have no other choice. But I see you talking about this and it just. Hurts me? Not in a bad way I just I hate seeing other people.have to deal with the same things, if not worse, in your case.

But....this is gonna sound lame but work with me here. Theres this school of thought from literature, you'll probably remember it, Transcendentalism? I just came upon a man recently by the name of R.W. Emerson and one of his biggest things is that he insists that if we want to connect with the universe or just be all around better people, then we must learn to be isolated and enjoy it and to still bring that very isolation with us into society, so as to stay true to ourselves. He suggests that isolation is an evolutionarily advanced mechanism so as to encourage conformity and tribalism all those years ago. To be an individual, to be independent, to think freely was a curse and it still kinda is. But he also believes that the terrible feeling of loninless that we feel is caused by our fear of being alone, of being ourselves and not stabilized by someone else's gaze. But! If we can own that, if we can learn to conquer that fear like we learn to conquer our other fears, than we will be more powerful as a person for it. I've also read how the "journey for knowledge is like climbing a mountain top" and that "the top of the mountaint is cold and lonely but you will be on top of the world" if you do it. Besides, what he and so many others who advocate climbing the mountain leave out, is that you're not the only one on that journey. There will be others on different paths that all lead to where you are going. Keep pushing forward and surely you will meet others who are doing the same along your path. One last thing?, Emerson also says that Greatness is largely misunderstood. If people arent getting you, if people cant seem to connect or understand you, it's likely because you're beyond them. Regardless of your illnesses, that doesnt detract from who you are as a person and anyone who lives thinking that, like these fuckers who block you, are foolish. I think, if you learn to own that isolation and accept the pain of it then you will be so much stronger for it. I'mma bit of a spiritualist so whenever life is seemingly hopeless I just stop and ask myself, why the fuck am I here? Why would the Universe put me into this situation? What am I supposed to do with the things around me? So instead of lamenting my isolation for another year I'm doing everything I can to own it and make it my own. This isolation will be where I create my foundations and they will be unshakable because of that. 

I totally just ranted on your thread, I'm sorry >< ;;

I just, want you to know that you're not alone and that more people kind of understand what you're dealing with. I'm always looking for new friends, no matter how weird or strange they can get, because I crave perspective & understanding from people. So if I havent totally annoyed you with all these words, please reach out to me? I'd love to talk ><

Edited by Matty

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Cemetery

Thanks everyone for your kind words and other stories.  I'm going to Pax East this week with my BF and his best friend,  I'm hoping to have a good time there and a general good time in Boston since we'll be there from Thursday till Sunday  I'll be messaging those who are fine with it when  I come back, as for now? I got packing and stressing to do till we're on the road!

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