fanfiction Newbie fanfic writing

[JennyDK]

Allright.

Some time I ago I decided to see how well my writing might be and I started to come up with an idea for a Steven Universe fanfic.

Sadly I only had one in mind I could ask to read what I have written so far and give feedback. Now multiple weeks later, still no response to it.

I would really like if someone could read it and tell me how shit it is what they think of it.

I was aiming for comedy/romance genre wise.

[JennyDK]

First two chapters - a rough draft.

 

Two worlds

 

Lapis adjusted her VR visor, trying to get it to fit better. A soft sigh left her lips and she was just about to give up on this weird new gizmo."Ugghh...I shouldn't have told Pearl I had this figured out. Oh well, I might as well try and give it a go now that I have most of it down by now", Lapis said to herself and then finally the head gear snuck into a decent position.

She booted up the system and within a minute or two she was greeted by the log-in screen for the newest MMO. Already she felt her skepticism bubbled up to the surface once more, but she subdued it enough to push on still. After yet another few minutes she managed to get past the log-in part of the whole thing.

"Welcome to Home World" she was greeted as the world boots up for Lapis, putting her into one of the major starter towns.

"Allright. This looks easy enough I guess...let me just", she further said to herself as she performed basic actions within the VR MMO. A couple of hours passed by and she is finished with the first few and, of course, easiest quests in the sci-fi themed exploration MMO.

Her avatar was not that imaginative, truth be told. It mostly resembled herself, with a few alterations, primarily a different hair colour and she was a bit more toned as well. If anyone knew her real life appearance, they would have no trouble recognizing the woman.

On her way back, she accidentally bumped into another player, both of them landed on their butts. A short whine escaped Lapis' lips as she reacted like she would in real life, but quickly realized it was a bit silly, considering their avatars do not pain.

She rubs the back of her head."Haha, terribly sorry about that miss! I am all new here and all...and yeah. I was not very aware of my surroundings", Lapis told the other player, who had picked a big and buff looking woman. She also had huge bushy white hair and weirdly orange skin.

The other player sighed softly before she rose up to her feet once more and even picked up Lapis from the ground. The next thing that happened made Lapis almost fall down laughing for real.

"Hey! Watch out rookie! Since when did the game get so many new clods?", the large boulder-like female said, but it was sheer difference in her tone of voice and appearance, that almost made Lapis completely lose it and just barely managed to not burst out laughing so hard.

Instead Lapis managed to stifle her laugh and address the hulking woman better."Ohhgh...hnngg..I...I am..s.sorry...miss. Won't happen...hha...again..I..I promise", she uttered and extended a friendly hand to the other."My name's Lapis...uhmmm...shoot..I mean, uhmmm..what was it again...oooooh...the name's Lady Beatrix..", Lapis said, forgetting you are not supposed to use your real life name. The large woman frowned a bit at the reminder of why she rarily ever interacted with other players here.

The large female facepalmed and Lapis could swear she got called a clod once more in the oddly cute little voice. Despite how big and fearsom she looked, that voice could not do it justice. She sigh once more and even more drawn out, but eventually crossed her arms."Jasper. Listen rookie, you sound and look like you need a LOT of help here! Since you bumped into me, I might as well teach you the basics better than the game does...that way hopefully I can avoid crashing into you once more", Jasper said.

And so a few hours passed by for both Lapis and her new MMO friend, whom she still does not know the real name of. Despite the annoyance she caused to Jasper and how she might never get over the difference in voice and body, this evening very much reminded her of why Pearl encouraged her to try this out...

- - - - - - - -

It was one week prior and Pearl showed up to the cucible of Lapis. Both women worked for the same giant corporation in the offices. Pearl had been the first and, honestly, only friend that Lapis managed to make here ever since she moved from a small town and to the big city.

As the taller slender woman with light pink hair approached Lapis' cubicle, a small smile formed as the slightly older female usually managed to bring a bit of joy and glee into her life, even if only temporarily."Greetings Lapis. It is favourable to see you again. I can see you are busy and stressed as per usual", Pearl said and gave Lapis the best smile she had in return.

Lapis stretches her body and leans back in her office chair, only happy to have a moment of resprite from work."Hey Pearl. Always nice to see you. Yeah...you know how it is for us drones. Hardly much new happens to us. At least you have that husband and kid of yours to keep your sanity in check", Lapis replied with a chuckle, which was half way genuine and half way envious.

Pearl knew that there was any malice or hurt meant in the way her blue haired friend talked to her."How long have I known you by now? At least three years if I recall correctly. Yet I seem to be only friend you have acquired – at least from my knowledge. I mean this in the nicest way: Do you...ever get out...and meet others? I would be happy to take you-...", Pearl said, but is interrupted by Lapis.

"Let me stop you right there Pearl. I still don't think you realize how much this life wears on me. I feel like a zombie most days and weekends...well..since I don't have any time for myself normally, that is when I put in my me-time. I know it sounds pathethic and all, but-...".

This time it was her time to be interrupted by a Pearl who had a very concerned and worried facial expression."Sorry to interrupt Lapis, but you just help spawn an idea to your dilemma. Say: Are you familiar with Virtual reality machines...or MMOs? I know it is far more geeky than what you are used to, but please hear me out properly. My son Steven told me about this really fun new game where you play with others without leaving home. That way you can spend your me-time, along with meeting others at your own pace", Pearl said, her tone of voice laced with worry and slight hope.

Lapis groaned and lightly pinched the base of her nose, looking like she really did not want to venture into something so alien and technological as Pearl suggested. Still, she was always there for her and doing her best to make her life here tolerable. It would be outright rude and inconsiderate to turn Pearl down, especially with how kind she is towards Lapis normally.

"Nghh...you are really not going to stop asking me to try out your ideas until I say yes, am I correct, Pearl?", Lapis exhales, trying to brace herself for the worst possible scenario.

 

Pearl snickered happily and her smile grew huge and wide."Noooope! Whatever made you think you had a choice to begin with Lapi-dear?", she said and winked at the younger blue haired girl before her.

 

Later that week Pearl showed up the tiny apartment where Lapis lived, spending far too long explaining everything about the device and trying her best to detail the basics of the game to Lapis. Needless to say, Lapis was still far from eager to try it out, but she followed Pearl's instructions nontheless, having given up on fighting her.

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