For science!

[JennyDK]

This is very simple:

Every post includes two things.
1) Your scientific plan to solve the problem issued by the former person,
2) The next problem that SCIENCE must solve and the TOOL with which to do so.

Rules:  Make it as whacky as you like

My start:

We need to travel to the moon!
Tool: Leprechauns.

[Buio Banned]

We have the leprechauns join all their gold pots together in one hoard situated in a room of perfectly aligned mirrors. The resulting rainbows are all concentrated into one Bifröst bridge that we can use to walk all the way to the moon.


We need to cure cancer, with all of these tiny little swords.

[JennyDK]

We will have tons of swords fit for nano machines to wield and then inject them to perform cancer crusades on patients.

We need to have the greatest party ever and all we have are paper towels. What do we do?

[aLittleCrow]

You can make all of the decorations used and outfits everyone has to wear out of toilet paper, and at the end of it have a water fight, to make things saucy.

You have a single bar of plutonium, and you need to recreate the International Space Station.

[JennyDK]

"Allright gentlemen, we will force feed this plutonium bar into the mouth of someone until they develop super powers and will help build us the ISS".

Help, I have fallen and I can't get up! Use that longboat to aid me.

[aLittleCrow]

Find a properly positioned mountain, and, using the longboat as a lever, flip the Earth discus to be right under your feet.

Massive comets have been determined to be on the course to impact us in the next week and destroy our planet! Our brave hero, we can only afford a roll of duct tape for you to stop them!

[JennyDK]

Very simple, my dear colleagues of science! All we need to do is pad is the places of impact so much that the meteors will simply bounce off and fly back into space.

We are in Disneyland, but the lines are monstrously long and unless we do something, we will never get on any of the rides! I only brought this stick of butter. What do we do?

[Tsuki]

Simple guys: butter is a natural burn remedy. It is known that staying in the queue under the sun reddens the skin. So why not offer to alleviate this discomfort by going so far as the beginning of the queue?

Problem: the courtyard is full of leaves so that it is difficult to walk, but you only have a disorganized pile of thin and flexible branches. 

[JennyDK]

Solution: Gentlemen! We simply set fire to all of the branches so they may start a proper and controlled fire.

Problem: Oh no! I am going to a fancy galla and my tuxedo is a mess and dirty! How do we fix this fast? Looks like our only tool is roadkill.

[Arknight]

Simple Guys: Distraction, we take the Roadkill as our companion to the gala to dance and talk, no one will notice our tuxedo that way.

Problem: I'm in Master Chef and my judge will be Gordon Ramsay, all we have is a rotten potato.

[aLittleCrow]

31 minutes ago, Arknight said:

Problem: I'm in Master Chef and my judge will be Gordon Ramsay, all we have is a rotten potato.

The solution is very simple - mash the potato in a tiny cube and give Ramsey to eat it. He will drop dead from the beautiful taste, so you won't have to hear his undeserved remarks!

Damn it! I've overworked myself yet again, and I need sleep! The only thing to solve my pressing desire is a sharp piece of flint!

[JennyDK]

Solution: I will just use the piece of flint to cut the jugulars on everyone asking me to do work. They can no longer overwork me and I can get some sleep.

Problem: We are terrible lost at sea and we have not see land for weeks. All supplies we have left is our cargo full of dildos.

[Arknight]

Child's Play: We dive into the ocean and use dildos on mermaids to knock them out with pleasure and then eat them.

Problem: Aliens communicate with you through ecchitext looking for you to share with them something that represents your culture, but you only have a keyboard that only has 4 letters (What letters? I'll leave it to you)

[JennyDK]

Solution: B U T T - no more, no less, just B U T T.

Problem: I am late for my meeting and the only thing I have brought with me in my car, is my Tibetan monk.

[aLittleCrow]

Why, then you have nothing to fear! Simply ask the monk to warp time and space, so you get transported with your car in the conference room just as the meeting starts!

Damn, I have been away from work for too long, and paperwork has piled up as high as the Empire State building! I need to finish all of it in 30 minutes, but the only thing to help me is a wild Tibetan macaque that just jumped through the window.

[JennyDK]

(had to look up macaque xD)

Solution: Easy peasy! Simple learn and memorize the movement pattern of the monkey, then arrange all the paperwork in such an order, that when you put a pencil in its ass that it will sign all the paperwork!

Problem: I simply cannot put my partner through climax and all I have near me is a pile of bricks.

[Arknight]

Laborious: Build a brick wall around your partner's waist, the fact that you're fucking your partner now that he's turned into a Butt wall should excite her/him enough to reach climax!

Problem: a guy came from the future to tell me that i will give birth to Jhon Connor, butt I am a man. I only have a scalpel.

[JennyDK]

Solution: Use the knife to stab him, skin him and wear his skin and therefore taking his place in getting sent back to the future.

Problem: Oh no! There is no more milk in the fridge and you need it to bake a cake, you live in the middle of nowhere and the only thing around you now is bucket full of piss.

[Azren]

Solution: Study to become the ultimate sellsman and thru trade and barter dominant the world's dairy market this cornering the market on baked desserts.

 

Problem: You fell through a rift in space and time and are stranded in a war between multiple races and you must end the conflict being unable to speak any of the languages.

[JennyDK]

6 hours ago, Azren said:

Solution: Study to become the ultimate sellsman and thru trade and barter dominant the world's dairy market this cornering the market on baked desserts.

 

Problem: You fell through a rift in space and time and are stranded in a war between multiple races and you must end the conflict being unable to speak any of the languages.

You are doing it wrong   Please read the initial post:

Problem: We are stranded on a deserted island and we need to go back. Searching the place we could only find some handbags. How do we come home?

[Arknight]

Only for woman? wear the handbag trying to look like a japanese gal bitch, the laws of the universe and plot twist will make a virgin otaku appear to the rescue.

Problem: I Enter into a duel of arguments with a blind, deaf and dumb woman. I must win the discussion by making her understand that the disabled can enjoy the same as everyone else. my tool her sense of touch.

 

[JennyDK]

15 minutes ago, Arknight said:

Only for woman? wear the handbag trying to look like a japanese gal bitch, the laws of the universe and plot twist will make a virgin otaku appear to the rescue.

 

(Good one   )

Solution: I will caress her erognous zones each time she disagrees with me, so that I may sway her opinion over time.

Problem: We are going 200 km/hour in our car and the brakes are dead. The only thing we brought with us are a bunch of brooms!

[Arknight]

13 minutes ago, JennyDK said:

I will caress her erognous zones each time she disagrees with me, so that I may sway her opinion over time.

(I would try that even knowing it wouldn't work.)

Two in one: Tie all the brooms to the sides of the vehicle, then drive perfectly without crashing into anything until the gas runs out, not only would you have saved yourself but the world would be cleaner!

Problem: I am a wizard who needs to defeat a giant hydra, the only spell I know of is wingardium leviosa

[JennyDK]

(I had to look up what the fuck that spell was XD)

Solution: You gather enough juju casters who knows this spell and lift many feathers to tickle the hydra until it literally dies of laughter.

Problem: Your partner's mother walks in on you having sex with your partner. She hates your guts, but you want to turn it around. The only thing on the bed is a body pillow of Margaret Thatcher. What do?

[aLittleCrow]

I rip my guts out of my body and replace them with the stuffing from the body pillow. Now that the mother no longer has any reason to hate me, I quickly trade the rare body pillow for someone else's guts, so I could continue living.

The internet is filled with too many little kids and very old people constantly on your nerves, and you want to get them off their electronics. You only have 10 Indians with computers at your disposal.