guide LewdiKris' (Not a) Guide to Erotic Roleplay

[LewdiKris]

Welcome to this no-doubt-too-long post!

 

So, what the hell are you reading? Good question. As the title suggests, it's not really a guide. But I hope there is some wisdom or, at least, some points around which interesting discussion can foment. I would also like to point out that nearly everything herein is like, just my opinion, man. It's based on zero data, zero expert analysis, and precisely aroung a month of experience, so far. "Okay then," I hear you start, "Why the hell are you writing this? For likes? For glory? To please some strange, obscure pact you once made with a sea-dwelling nymph?"

That last one was a bit specific, don't you think? Maybe you're projecting, hmm? But to answer the question, I guess it would go a little something like this:

It's the kind of thing I think I'd like to read, for a start. That seems a pretty good reason alone. Second, It would be nice to get my thoughts and impressions down on paper (shut up, it's a figure of speech) for my own satisfaction. Thirdly, I hope I'm wrong about a bunch - if not all - of it. That way, I will gain insight through carefully considered constructive criticism. Not to say you aren't allowed to yell at me. Go ahead. I won't read it. But maybe, just maybe, I'll pick up some information or thoughts from the intelligent (and immensely talented and attractive!) readers that I don't think I'd get any other way except for years of experience. I'm patient, but I think this might be more efficient. Worse comes to worst I can edit the post to just the words "I'm sorry, I'll be a good sausage." and we can forget all about it.

Good. with that bit of rambling out of the way; ON WITH THE RAMBLING!

 

Getting started!

First, an obligatory but heartfelt thanks to the staff and posters who are responsible for the guides that already exist. They are fantastica fantastic resource. If you are unsure, they are brilliant. I look at them often, and will likely do so until I finally forget how to read.

But what should you know, beyond what's in the guide? (No doubt I'm about to describe a bunch of things in the guides, only worse.)

Presumably, you're here to roleplay. Good. If you're looking for fish cake recipes, you're in the wrong place. How do you start a roleplay? The guides lay out a few ways you might do so. Join clubs, create clubs, post on the private bulletins, and make a preference sheet to see if anyone lines up with you. Not only is this good advice, but it's also really good advice! But what's missing? Volume. No, don't spam the same four-hundred-word manifesto about how you want to be treated like a piece of naughty lettuce while a MILFy horse lady throws bowler hats at you. What you want to do, is figure out what things (thingS, plural) you might be interested in, and then post them. Where? If the thing requires multiple partners/players, make a club. If its to do with a specific niche or fetish, take a look at the clubs and see if one fits. If you join club and post your lewd desres on the relevant topic, your getting the ball rolling. If you just need one person to be your MILFy horse lady, put that in the private bulletin. The key is to make sure you have done all of these, at least a little bit. Suddenly, you're open to people from all different sides and about many different things. But what else can you do? Well, let's assume you stopped reading and ran away to do as I told you. It's fine, I'll wait.

Now; I want you to go back to ALL of the posts and take a look at what you've written and consider the following: Beyond the kinks you're asking for, the pairings you want, and the canon you care about, have you told the potential partners anything about you? And no, I don't mean the last thing you ate, your star sign, or your favourite dog name. Does what you've written make you sound like a person that people would want to make friends with? Are you displaying your willingness to try new things, or your interest in things outside of the smut? In short, represent a person with every post you make, and not a list of wants and want-nots. Do you see what I mean? Most of the folks here are here for the lewd things they want to write and read about (just look at some of these usernames, like this one "LewdiKris"; What a creep). But, whether they realize it or not, the real thing we're here to do is communicate. The stories are a product and a process. However, the engine behind it all is collaboration, and that means talking to one another. People talk to people who seem nice, who seem interested and interesting, and people who are willing to meet them halfway. That's not to say you have to compromise on your hard-offs, nor does it mean you have to give up your MILFy-horse-lettuce fantasy, but it does mean that if all they see about you is "I want" and "I don't want", why would they want to try and tell a story with you?"

I think it's also worth mentioning when you SHOULDN'T start a roleplay. I think there is an instinct (which I know at least I suffered from) early on, to kind of glom onto any direct interaction. This is all new; you made your first post two hours ago and nobody has replied! This will sound like a joke, but there's truth in it; you feel vulnerable. You are worried about breaking the rules, about being rejected, and that you'll never get to roleplay with anyone. So when you get a direct message from a fellow member that's a single sentence saying something like "My X would like to meet a Y and do Z to them." (Honestly, that's more coherent and charming than some you'll get), you might be tempted (and that's fine). But keep in mind how much effort that person put into trying to get you, an actual human (or maybe a very elaborate AI setup), to spend, what might be hours thinking and writing smutty little stories with them. Hey, they might be a real beast: cranking out prose that would make Shakespeare weep and describing scenes of carnal lust that make all of your naughty bits go all funny. But probably not. First of all, those writers are rare enough that they might not exist. Second, a writer even a quarter that good can and should do better than that. Don't just agree to roleplay because you haven't started one yet. You will. Trust me. (Unless you really are an asshat, some people are beyond help.)
 

Let's talk kinks (Or, who-ha's, wotsits and where to put them)

Well, this is a big can of worms. But don't worry, I'm not about to sit here and tell you what's good or what's bad. I just want to share a little of my meager insight into how kinks might play into your early experiences.

We'll start with a very important thing: Preference sheets. This is another little piece of genius granted to us by our benevolent and beautiful staff. It's both simple to use and incredibly well done. Pop a new tab open with the link and take a quick look. I know what you are thinking; "Aren't you the idiot who told us not to be just a list of wants and do-not-wants?" A fair question, though I don't appreciate your tone. Like every good rule there are exceptions, and this is one of them. Why is that okay? Well, it comes down to purpose. The reason the preference posts exist is to give people an easy way to quickly get the shape of what you like and don't like, to see if you mesh. Most people have one; it's linked right there under their profile pic. This should be clicked by you often and without hesitation (I mean it, click mine, click the first commenters. CLICK THEM!). You should check them regularly, especially once you've got a roleplay going.

But you're probably more curious about what you should do with your own. The short answer: no more than you want to. The long answer: you don't have to have a feeling about EVERY fetish or proclivity and by keeping it shorter (what do you mean, "Glass Houses"?) You can help focus your reader's attention on the stuff that matters. In truth, I generally find that people are more flexible on the things they are interested in engaging with, compared to what they aren't interested in. So, when you're setting your post up, start with the no-nos. Don't be coy, and don't worry about a kink being popular or common, if you don't want to play it make sure it's in your 'absolutely not' list. It's worth remembering that none of this is permanent; it is as subject to your whims as the lettuce is to the MILFy horse lady. I'd err on the side of over-offing (wow, look at me, coining bizarre and useless terms). If you are even a little unsure about whether you are willing to engage in it, put it in red. Now go do that; I'm making a coffee.

Good, nice work, you're not into all the right things and you are a model degenerate. Next, let's have some fun. Let's make some of the things green! What should you put in green? I know it says "Will play", but I tend to believe people read it as "Wants to play". These are the goodies, the gumdrops on the gingerbread man (or woman, or other) of your roleplaying potential, so anything that sounds fun gets a greening. There is one more category, "Might do". I don't have much to say on that one (shocking, I know. That hasn't stopped me from writing this extended post so far). So I'll just say this; "Might" tends to imply that you will, but not as the core theme of a roleplay. I might be willing to play a giant walrus who falls into deep romantic love with an iceberg. If that's what you want, check my greens and get a MILFy horse lady in there. I'll be more likely to engage. (I have no idea why I keep mentioning MILFy horse ladies, I think I've awoken something.)

What else about kinks? I think I want to talk about the phrase "All the usual things". You'll read that a fair bit, in my experience. This is usually referring to scat, gore, vore, and a few others. Now I'd like you all to stop using that phrase, because while it reliably does mean the three named previously, it almost always contains "more than that", and it varies wildly from person to person. So; newbie, don't say it. You too, oldie.

Why are those kinks often shunned? I don't know. I mean, I kind do; but not in an easily verbalizable (or judgement-free) way. I'm not here to yuck people's yums though. More power to you, if that's what you like.

Last thing and I'll end this section, I promise. When it comes to kinks, I think a key thing to finding compatible partners is a willingness to be flexible. Now that is not a recommendation to write/read anything you are not comfortable with, but if you go in willing to indulge a partner, you'll be more likely to get the same in return.

In summary, kinks are like a box of chocolates. If you check what's in the box first, you are much more likely to get something you enjoy. If you go in blind, you're more likely to go into anaphylactic shock.

Messaging Strangers!

Oddly, this bit is the one I think speaks to me the most, because it happens to revolve around my greatest anxieties when it comes to this kind of website: sending messages (especially messages baring your smutty soul to another human) is scary. I bet there are a bunch of you out there who don't understand/relate to that statement, you are blessed and awesome. But there are plenty of us that feel a deep sense of apprehension whenever we reach out to a new person, and this bit is for us. I think I'm pretty good at doing it, despite my worries, and I think I can share some advice.

For some reason, this is a list now:

Send first, edit after: This is something I found kind of unique about the forum style thing. You can't delete a post on this websiteas far as I can tell (If you can though, don't tell me how.). This means that if you post, it's done. You've pulled the trigger and there's no going back. Sure, you can edit what you wrote, but you can't change that you sent a message. This led to something that made me much better at getting messages out, and not letting my anxiety hold me back. Now, I don't proofread or reread my message when I reach the end. I hold ctrl and hit enter which posts what you've written. I've done it so often that it's become a habit. "LewdiKris, are you just telling people to send barely literate messages to strangers? And this is supposed to make them less anxious?", I hear you asking. Well, yes, sort of. You can edit a message once sent, so do so. Correct misspellings, take all the instances of the word 'throbbing' and use a thesaurus, then have a look at your grammar. If you're reasonably quick, the recipient will never know; and even if they do, do you really think that you showing an effort to improve a piece of writing is going to seem like a bad thing? I don't tend to think so. This works because it reduces the amount of time you have to agonize over a message down to the minimum. It won't help all of us, but it's works for me.

The sweet spot: How long should a message be? Well, context matters, but for a huge number of first messages, you're going to be initiating a conversation that should lead to the cooperative, smutty writing. Here's the thing, people are reading this who regularly send a single sentence or two saying "Do you want to RP?" or "Hi! I'm a slutty little monkey, can I play with your banana?". Okay; the second one isn't a real example, but it made me chuckle when I wrote it, so it stays in. Are these kinds of messages doomed to fail? Of course not; by and large, people are polite and they won't want to just ignore you completely. But, what you've done is make them have to put in all the work. That's a dick move. Remember the first section, all the way up this page? You're a person trying to get another person to spend what could easily become hours (if you're doing it well) writing with you. You can do better than that. If you do send those kind of messages after reading this, you don't have an excuse. But that's not all there is; what about the other way? Much rarer; of course, because it takes effort, however it has the same pitfall. If your first message is 1200 words, you've just dropped an essay on a strangers lap and are expecting them to read it. Shit, I like reading stuff dropped in my lap (there was a librarian who had a tic; it's a long, but very sweet story), but if my eyes glaze over as I just scroll down its length, I'm out. That's where the Sweet Spot comes in. What's the Sweet Spot? Well, it varies from person to person (giggity), and varies more the better your writing is. But I find between two and three paragraphs is about right. Those paragraphs should do a few things; make it clear that you are messaging the person because something about their posts/club/profile/whatever, caught your attention (implying that just going through lists of names and firing messages at random is a bad idea, yes). It should be nice, as well. Compliments are always good and completely free. Let them know what you have to offer, but keep it short, relevant and reasonably clean; if they are looking for a sausage for a bun, let them know you like to be a sausage and you love buns. Ask questions! Be interested! What kind of sauce do they like on a sausage? Were they imagining a wholemeal bun or white? Do they know where this hotdog is being sold, or is it home made? Every time I reread this it feels like an analogy for something new and even more lewd.

You vs Your Character: Ready? Fight!       ...Okay, that was dumb. I couldn't help it. This one cannot be overstated; on a website where people intend to share large volumes of words, relating to their most lewd fantasies and beloved characters, a little emotional weirdness is inevitable. It is YOUR job to display that you are capable of having fun, without turning into a creep. We don't think that you imagining gorillas showering in baked beans to get your rocks off is creepy. we do find the inability to separate fiction from reality very creepy. We are right to do so because it is a source of what I suspect is some of the most disgusting, cruel, and selfish behavior on these kinds of sites. And guess what? I've got one little trick that goes a long way to convince people you can make that very important distinction. When messaging someone about a potential scenario, do NOT describe what YOU would like to do to THEM. Describe, instead, what your character would like to do their character. Now, there is an awkward truth here: some people enjoy being talked to in that way and others talk that way without having any creepy tendencies at all. But (especially, I suspect, for people who've been around a while) not showing the reality/fiction distinction in your early communications will set off a big, honking, red flag. So if you want to start conversations, get replies, and make friends, keep that in mind.

 

Finally, conclusions!

Look, no joking around. If you've gotten this far and not given up on my nonsensical, uninvited, and misinformed waffle, thank you. I hope you enjoyed it more than your last bowel movement, at least.

So, what was the takeaway of all this? I hope that it's pretty simple. Make an effort! This whole community is filled with people who want to read good stuff and write even better. I wholeheartedly believe that you will get out of it what you put into it. You won't always mesh with potential partners, people might ghost you and you might even deal with a grade "A" douche or two. But, if you are willing to be kind, put in work, and remain honest (with yourself and the people you interact with), you're going to have a lot of fun.

That's the message? Well, that's surprisingly 'Saturday-morning-cartoon', ain't it?

Anyway, a quick reminder before you start writing your comments (if you've written one before getting this far, maybe that requires some examination): all of this is the easily dismissed nonsense knocking around my brain; I don't claim to be an authority, and I have no right to tell you what to do. This was written with only love in my heart and the desire to maybe entertain you for a few minutes before you move on with your day. If I said something that made you laugh, say "Right on." or even that made you baffled (this seems likely), let me know below.

Now, because we're on the modern interweb and this post seems like it will never end; be nice down there, and don't get mad or take any of this too seriously. If your gut reaction is a strong one, write your reply and then leave it unsent. Wait until tomorrow and then see if you still think it needs to be sent. I love you all and look forward to playing. xx

Now, go google "MILFy Horse Ladies". I dare you.

P.S
If you like this, I have another couple of ideas. One about Roleplaying Systems (TTRPGs) and group RPs which might be good. And a big, huge thank you to @SMFoxy For helping me get this into at least mostly readable shape.

[Xoddrecroth Deactivated]

This was super duper great! Even as an oldie - as you put it - there were some tips on here that are a great reminder of some behaviors I should adjust or reinforce to better myself in both communication and writing. And your prose and beat by beat timing is hilarious! Great starting guide!

[Gangsta Moll Deactivated]

I am grateful for any advice on role playing and there is plenty here.

I know I make many mistakes in role-playing - my worst being every character I am ends up as myself - but actual advice is strangely hard to come by. Especially I think here where the role playing ranges from very formal structured role playing to open ended stories.

[Cute_Bro]

First of all, how dare you assume I'm projecting a pact with a Fathomless? I would never...yeah never at all...

However now with all seriousness, this was quite an informative and helpful read! I'm not exactly the newest when it comes to roleplay, but I do still get cold feet quite often, especially in this site that I am very much relatively new. So not only has this provided helpful tidbits, but it also has this reassuring aura of "go ahead and venture out! And try." which I think everyone, despite the amount of roleplaying experience, needs every once in a while. So yeah, thank you very much lewd sir!

[LewdiKris]

1 hour ago, Xoddrecroth said:

This was super duper great! Even as an oldie - as you put it - there were some tips on here that are a great reminder of some behaviors I should adjust or reinforce to better myself in both communication and writing. And your prose and beat by beat timing is hilarious! Great starting guide!

Oh, stop. You're making me blush!
I'm glad you got something from it. Means a lot coming from someone who's been knocking around these parts for a while. Cheers!

 

1 hour ago, Gangsta Moll said:

I am grateful for any advice on role playing and there is plenty here.

I know I make many mistakes in role-playing - my worst being every character I am ends up as myself - but actual advice is strangely hard to come by. Especially I think here where the role playing ranges from very formal structured role playing to open ended stories.

It's definitely a weird line to walk, one that we all have to negotiate. But I reckon you... Ah~ you do a good job

 

34 minutes ago, Cute_Bro said:

First of all, how dare you assume I'm projecting a pact with a Fathomless? I would never...yeah never at all...

However now with all seriousness, this was quite an informative and helpful read! I'm not exactly the newest when it comes to roleplay, but I do still get cold feet quite often, especially in this site that I am very much relatively new. So not only has this provided helpful tidbits, but it also has this reassuring aura of "go ahead and venture out! And try." which I think everyone, despite the amount of roleplaying experience, needs every once in a while. So yeah, thank you very much lewd sir!

"Lewd sir" now that, I like! xD
Thanks for reading. I am an absolute compliment fiend, so this makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Stay awesome!

[SMFoxy]

Achievement Unlocked:
Senpai Noticed You! uwu

[Nafarman]

Instructions unclear, now I'm feeding my milfy horse lady some fishcakes wrapped in lettuce.

But honestly, this was really insightful and easy to read! Really love your humor too.

I'm getting this intense urge to find this mystic milfy horse lady now... Oh the shenanigans we would get into.

[Floofenstein]

I just read this and, yeah, I really agree with a lot of it. Especially, especially the effort bit. Show your effort and don't foist it on other people. If you talk to someone, bring your ideas, or their ideas from their bulletin thread! Or, hell, a mix of both, but...Please, have some ideas even/especially in your thread! As much as "I'm open to do aaaaaaanything :D" sounds like a good thing, it's mostly surprisingly useless, as far I've found. Sure you're open to anything but you're not making yourself appealing compared to people who have a request thread with lots of stuff in it!

I do know I'm a bit guilty on the too-much-effort bit, I end up sending big posts when messaging someone, but...I'm verbose, and excited, and I hope to convey that and make my partner excited, also. Something for me to consider, though, so thank you

[SimonGhostRiley]

i really did google MILFy horse ladies, and umm, don't do it

[Warning]

This thread itself is a work of art and I think that it should be seen my more people but not for any particular reasons. (Like, if I thought some people required to learn from it.) It remains that it is absolutely beautiful. A guide or not, there is a lot to think about when it comes to these thoughts on how to roleplay and on how to talk to someone, added with the reality of what kind of people we will be meeting along the way. There is truth in all of it. I am also guilty of the "Send first, edit after" when I find myself needing to correct sentences or add words pretty often.