Let's start being honest about sex!

[Somethingsomething]

..really? That doesn't sound bowel friendly.

edit: okay, I looked it up, it is apparently really a thing.

[Buio Banned]

Haha, i'm sure hey have been, but that doesn't make them good for your health. even medical enemas are not advised to be done too frequently because of their negative impact on your gut flora.

Let us not forget that Lysol was originally marketed and sold as douche, horrific as that is to think of today. Humans have a long history of putting things that have no place inside a body exactly there.

[Somethingsomething]

On 15/09/2020 at 20:39, Alexander Bodide said:

I'm guessing it has to do with physical exertion. Is it just a me thing though?

Nah, I've experienced the same. I even sometimes have it when I masturbate. What happened to me with one of my ex-boyfriends was, that sometimes my hands would start to become really numb after he had gone down on me. I did some research on it and it turned out it was because I was breathing so much and that led to a change in the pH of my blood. After I figured out what it was, we always had some magnesium on the nightstand because that helped to bring back the feeling into my fingers. I don't forget things after sex but I usually am very lightheaded afterwards.

So I guess it is physical exertion (as mentioned, probably a lot of breathing and movement), hormones / neurotransmitters being released, stress relief, all of that. I guess it is the same thing that makes you smile nonstop after you had had nice sex.

[Somethingsomething]

On 18/06/2020 at 18:31, Arknight said:

Do you think that the romantic sex feels different from the sex that you have only for sex?

Since nobody ever answered to this question (and my food is still in the oven so there is still some time):

Yes, it can feel different. So if you have sex for the sake of having sex and you have it with someone that you have not had sex before with, it is exciting, but there is a chance that you two just don't vibe and that it leads nowhere (it's just rarely really good from the first time on). However if you two vibe well, sex for the sake of it is a wonderful thing.

Romantic sex is a wonderful thing as well. It might be not always as exciting, but it is more intimate, and you and your partner know all the special spots, all the movements, all the little details that make it amazing. So yeah, it is closer in a way.

[Imouto Kanna]

1 hour ago, Somethingsomething said:

Since nobody ever answered to this question (and my food is still in the oven so there is still some time):

Yes, it can feel different. So if you have sex for the sake of having sex and you have it with someone that you have not had sex before with, it is exciting, but there is a chance that you two just don't vibe and that it leads nowhere (it's just rarely really good from the first time on). However if you two vibe well, sex for the sake of it is a wonderful thing.

Romantic sex is a wonderful thing as well. It might be not always as exciting, but it is more intimate, and you and your partner know all the special spots, all the movements, all the little details that make it amazing. So yeah, it is closer in a way.

It’s also different for different people. 
 

I had a fwb at one point and for me it was just a way to deal with my physical needs. I didn’t want too much kissing or anything else. I wanted to be pleasured. It’s a bit selfish I know.

When I’m having sex with a partner it’s a much more fulfilling experience for me. I want it all. I want to feel everything and I want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel. I want to be as intimate as possible. Multiple needs can be fulfilled- physical and emotional, even mental. 

[Florbus]

I had an fwb that was meant to be the same way. But idk if it was a problem with me or her (probably me because it's not an isolated incident), but she could never get me to the top of the mountain, ya dig? It was awful (for me, anyways." She could finish three times and I wouldn't even be in blue balls territory. I think I just have performance anxiety, so that's just G R A N D! Then she caught feelings, we continued fucking, then she just... Moved on one day. Like a light switch. So that was fun lmao

[Buio Banned]

I think performance anxiety is a big issue with guys that hardly gets talked about. Or, well general stress that is.

I got married when I was 23, but I'd been with a handful of women before my wife. She, on the other hand, had never so much as kissed anyone before meeting me.

I enjoyed taking our time in teaching her more about her body when we first met and eventually got to the bedroom, but my darling sadly has astounding anxiety, which most prominently displays with her being terrified of failure and not dealing with it well at all when it does occur.

This, paired with physical issues that even today make insertion difficult on the best of days, resulted in her being astoundingly nervous in the phase of our relationship where we were moving from foreplay to actual attempts at sex.

The frustration and anxiety of those first couple times was so intense that I'd lose any erection I got within a minute or so because more effort was spent on trying to calm her down and listen to my instructions/tell me what she needed and felt than on being in the mood. It got so bad we eventually started using supplement pills to keep me up so I had only one thing to focus on at a time.

Eventually we fell into our rhythm though and these days just like before I've no issue keeping it up throughout all of it.

 

A lot gets said about how important it is to set the mokd, but in many conversations that us framed as something the man has to do for the sake of his partner (within the context of hetero normative conversation anyways), but guys need to be in a good headspace and be taken care of by their partners too and that needs to be said more IMO.

[KinkyKathy Banned]

I'm glad you seem to have taken care of your erection problems.  Never having a man inside me, I can't honestly say I understand but I am told that performance anxiety is commonplace with males.  Don't get me wrong...just because I'm a woman doesn't mean we don't have our own version of 'failure to perform'.  No, erections aren't part of our anatomy but we have problems that only females have to deal with, namely our infamous Period.

   Absence of foreplay can leave us not only sexually frustrated but upset....fucking us dry hurts, guys!

[Florbus]

Dry sex is fucking awful... One time my fwb gave me head, and she REALLY wanted to make me finish at least once, so she went to a handjob. She went hard af on it, and soon all saliva evaporated. She literally burned my dick. That one was really bad. 

[Imouto Kanna]

It feels like many problems in life could be solved or lessened if people could just be more open with each other. But I get it. For some strange reason I can talk about sex to anyone easily but when it comes to my partner asking for specific things during the act, I get so shy and nervous. It can make things rough.

Also as a woman (in my opinion) I've been conditioned by society and the media to think that if my partner loses an erection, it's my fault and that he doesn't find me attractive in some way. Like just seeing me in lingerie should be enough for him to be rock hard. But not all men are like that especially as they age. So I know that's not true now, but for a very long time I felt that way and occasionally due to my anxiety those thoughts still creep into my head. That is one way to easily ruin the mood, getting so lost in your own thoughts.

[Florbus]

100% accurate. Even I as a male get into the idea of, ok, this is what's happening, I should be hard enough to cut diamonds. And if I'm not, she might feel like I don't find her attractive. Shit's fucked, honestly. 

[Balthier]

I lost an erection once while having sex. Was completely mortified/embarrassed. Thought something was wrong, finally got around to reading up on the allergy medication I had taken a hour before, because of a slightly runny nose, and found the culprit.

All I was thinking was, "My god! Am I getting old!? I'm in good shape..." I was super embarrassed before I figured out the problem.

She was very understanding, however, I made it up to her the next day when the med had worn off. Also... I had to test to make sure that's what the issue was. Lesson learned.

[Imouto Kanna]

2 hours ago, Balthier said:

I lost an erection once while having sex. Was completely mortified/embarrassed. Thought something was wrong, finally got around to reading up on the allergy medication I had taken a hour before, because of a slightly runny nose, and found the culprit.

All I was thinking was, "My god! Am I getting old!? I'm in good shape..." I was super embarrassed before I figured out the problem.

She was very understanding, however, I made it up to her the next day when the med had worn off. Also... I had to test to make sure that's what the issue was. Lesson learned.

Oof that sure must have been scary for a moment!

[Balthier]

Yes it was. More like for many hours. 

She said something like, "it's okay if you don't want to have sex now," when I lost hardness right in the middle of it. I said, "No I very much do... Hmmmm. Maybe I don't?  I've never had this happen before."

Goes to show gents, read up and be aware of side effects of certain over the counter medications.

[Somethingsomething]

15 hours ago, KinkyKathy said:

No, erections aren't part of our anatomy but we have problems that only females have to deal with,

But well, some women struggle getting wet.. which is a female erectile problem. I guess it is just as stressful for the women affected of it as it is for men when they can't get hard.

 

About guys not getting hard or losing their erection, I actually twice dated guys that, as it turned out later on, suffered from heavy depression, which basically killed their sexual drive. However I was in the lucky position not to reflect it back onto me or questioning my sexual attraction because I've had made enough sexual experiences until those points in my life, so I was / am pretty confident. Still it was super frustrating, especially because that one guy and me went out for like 3 months. When I mentioned the topic, he told me that he was simply nervous because he did not want to disappoint me. I mean that is okay. Sex can be scary because you want it to be amazing and that can put a lot of pressure on one person. I've experienced basically what @Buio described, but with one of my ex-boyfriends, who was 5 years younger than me (he was 20, I was 25). He was super nervous and anxious about not lasting long enough or disappointing me, but all it needed was some patience, talking and playing around and it worked out just fine. To come back to the original story, the guy and me eventually stopped going out (he said he was lacking passion, I said how can I be passionate when we're not having sex?) and it was only then that he told me about his mental state. I'm still sorry that he did not tell me earlier, because I could've dealt with it differently*.

So long story short: It's not a problem if you can't get an erection or if you lose it. I guess communication is the key and there will always be a solution to whatever problem you or your partner faces.

 

*edit: The funny thing is, that most of the people that I talked to about this topic were asking me whether I had tried giving him a blowjob or jerking him off to make him hard, suggesting that I should simply put more effort into it. (I had and I swear, as much as I like giving head, trying to suck off someone without an erection is just.. yuck.)

[Xenia Renekton]

Hmm........ Im a virgin? And I'm genuinely terrified of actually uh... doing the deed. I don't know what it is but I cant get comfortable nor can I accept being touched in any way at all even if its just a casual pat on the back or anything. I sort of just panic and push away and I dont even know why and this has been going on for as long as I remember. I thought maybe I was mysophobic but that wasnt the case. Maybe Im just not used to it either. Idk. 

[Buio Banned]

@Xenia Renekton

 

Do you think you might have Haphephobia (fear of being touched)?

https://www.healthline.com/health/haphephobia#diagnosis

[Xenia Renekton]

1 hour ago, Buio said:

@Xenia Renekton

 

Do you think you might have Haphephobia (fear of being touched)?

https://www.healthline.com/health/haphephobia#diagnosis

Its a possibility.  I read the diagnoses but I think more than fear its discomfort... Ive managed to tone it down more so I dont react as harshly when I am touched. But not just anyone is allowed to touch me either. Like my family Ive always been somewhat ok with compared to people I dont know as much. But if a random person grazes me or something I tend to just stiffen up. When I expect it though Im a bit more relaxed? Its a weird situation but yeah....

[Buio Banned]

hmmm, i don't know if this would make it better or worse, but maybe try putting on a blindfold with someone you trust and have them lightly but repeatedly touch you? that way you can just focus on the sensation and put your head in whatever fantasy you want to make yourself more comfortable?

Alternatively, a spa visit with massage might help you better psychologically contextualize being touched?

and of course, if you have general anxiety, getting medication to help with that could certainly have an effect on your reaction to touch

[Xenia Renekton]

Hmm.... I guess I can try giving that a go yeah... Ill see about it and hopefully with time I can get somewhere

[KinkyKathy Banned]

As to you saying your'e a virgin.....I hope for your sake you keep that special gift.  Virginity doesn't seem to be a treasured thing like it was before....shit, I knew a girl that lost hers at age 12!

I have to plead guilty to being one of those that, at the time, didn't feel like waiting.  I was fresh out of the closet at age 15 and the very next year lost my virginity....I was deflowered by a 17 year old goth junior in High School wearing a strap on.  It was also the first time I ever wore a ballgag, but that's another topic for another time....

[Buio Banned]

I personally am rather happy that society no longer enforces notions of female virginity as a 'treasure to be protected' (as strongly as it once did anyways) because of all the forced sexual repression that engendered. Not to mention the not so subtle implication that a woman's sexual life is something to be owned by her eventual husband.

though I will agree that a swing too hard in the other direction that makes virginity feel like a curse is probably equally as unhealthy.

Ultimately, i yearn for a truly sexually liberated society, and sexual liberation means being able to say both yes and no, whenever you want, as much as you want, for however long you want.

No one should be shamed or reprimanded for either holding on to or getting rid of their virginity as suits them and their sexual expression.

'do as thou wilt' 

[KinkyKathy Banned]

As much as I sometimes wished I was a flower child of the 1960's when sex was free and open, to me a girl's virginity has always been the ultimate gift, something of hers that belonged to her alone and when she finally gave it she would be rewarded by her first orgasm.....boy, talk about viewing life through rose colored glasses.....

[Xenia Renekton]

To each their own I say. Im at 22 and still no action of even a kiss but thats me myself and I. I know what I want in life as well and sex has never been on my priorities? But itll probably happen when the time is right for me and hopefully with the right person. 

[Somethingsomething]

2 hours ago, KinkyKathy said:

I hope for your sake you keep that special gift.  Virginity doesn't seem to be a treasured thing like it was before....shit, I knew a girl that lost hers at age 12!

I agree with @Buio on that topic. Of course having sex for the first time is something special. All first times are special. First day in school is special. First day in a new job is special. First time diving with whales. First time moving out of home. But.. a gift? Nah. I must highly disagree. It just adds up to this weird sexualization of virginity, to the thought that virgins are something super special (even though male virgins are considered as.. unspectacular and unattractive for some reason. It makes absolutely no sense.). I think rather as a "gift" that someone gives to somebody else I think it should be just seen as just another special experience that two people share.

 

 

edit: yeah. It's whales not wales.