Is it wrong to fuck a friend?

[smash642]

My dumb arse would probably not even be able to do it hypothetically, but I do really want to get it off my chest. I just want to fuck my friend so badly.

 

It's not all that moral, naturally. Yet, with this girl, I just want to do her. The difference is, that there is no romantic motive behind this. That should go without saying, as if I had some feelings for her, it would just be as simple as asking her out, and possibly going from there. We do already have a close bond, being on the same uni course and being in the same circle of friends. But fuck, for some reason I can't help but want to have sex with her, with no romantic intentions behind it. Just being fuck buddies. I'd say I have a fair chance, as she seems like she would be quite a sexual person too.

She's got a body that I'm incredibly weak to. She's thicc, basically, with a nice weight to her, big boobs and a great, firm ass. When I think of the friends I would fool around with, she'd be at the top of the list. I think our connection is somewhat strong that it could actually happen if I brought it up. I would go as far to say she could even take my virginity.

However, this lust does come at a great price. What if it does tarnish our friendship? I think we're at a good enough stage to get over it if I got rejected, although she might gossip to the other female members in the group, which then would spread throughout our circle, putting shame on me (and rightfully so if I was stupid enough to do it!). Even if word didn't get out, I didn't want to ruin what we had just because I didn't want to keep my dick in my pants around her.

It's a pretty simple dilemma to solve. "Don't become that one prick that does it! Save your friendship!" Things like that, and that is some great advice. The thing is, I really do treasure our friendship, as with most of the other people in the group. It's just that, I'd like to be a bit more experienced in sex. I can write for ages online, but that's next to naught if I don't actually experience it in real life! I should lose my virginity to that one special person, but who knows how long that's gonna be? It's desperate as fuck, I know, and probably the lack of any sense throughout this post shows that. I'm just a uni student that wants a bit more in life, you know? And I'd feel safe if it did end up being with a close friend like her. The problem is, that's the extent I want to take it to. I don't want to risk hurting her feelings by saying I just want to fool around.

 

I want to ask, then, what would you do, in my situation? If you have any questions please send them my way. Even if it's not for this problem exactly, I'm curious to know what you think of this topic! I feel many do have friends they wouldn't mind getting in bed with, but have you ever acted upon it? Did it actually happen? How was it afterwards? How did you ask in the first place? I'm interested in those responses, and any help regarding my situation would be greatly appreciated.

[onearmeddruid]

Is she someone to just fuck around d with or is she not I would talk to her about it first 

[Valadrass]

Okay, here we go. 

I've been the friend on the other side of this situation. There are a few important factors to note that make my situation very different though.
1: I am the only female in my friend group, so the idea of gossiping around to other female friends has never been an option to me even if I ever did feel the want to (I never have.) 2: I was engaged at the time and still am. There was no deceit involved, I was very open and communicated with my partner about everything, the friend that this happened with was constantly asking his permission at every opportunity as well, and that point in itself lead to some very interesting outcomes. 3: The friend in question was and is deeply in love with one of his other friends and that added another layer of unique complications. And 4: He is a very emotionally unpredictable guy with a lot of issues, and hell, so am I

That being said, let's get to the similarities and my experience of it.
This friend of mine, we'll refer to him as R. He initiated the relationship (technically, though it gets a little muddied) and was also a virgin. He would come over for a night every week or so to drink with me and my fiance (let's call him C) and one night after this had been going on a while, I found him outside while he was having a smoke mumbling to himself. When he came back in, we had a game of 'truth or drink' as we usually would and I asked him about that. After a lot of urging, and some bending of the rules of the game, he told us that he was arguing to himself about wanting to kiss me. I started to tease him about that, he challenged me to go ahead with it, and I did just that. Things went from there in the weeks that followed and it became a full sexual relationship. It was the closest I'd ever been with him, and the same went for C and him and even C and me strangely enough, we saw sides to each other we never had in our previous stage in the friendship. But R is the type of person who can't stand the thought of emotional vulnerability. Not even just in the sense of romantic emotions, that never became a factor, but just having someone close enough to really know him freaked him the fuck out. So he would say dickish things here and there to me and C to put us at a distance. That was the first complication. Then when we got it through to him that there was nothing to be afraid of, he became afraid of how our relationship might affect his standing with the girl he was in love with. Again, that caused an issue and that issue was resolved with communication and our physical relationship continued. Then things just kind of...cooled off after a while. He started to become distant again, but we were still good friends and had the occasional physicality. But then something happened with him personally that I do not have the right to share, and it caused somewhat of a fracture in our group. From that point on, we've drifted apart to the point where we are still friends but I would say he's the friend I speak to the least. Now, the ending to my story was the result of a lot of different factors, and I think things could have ended much better if both of us had communicated more about where we were and what we wanted. I think that is the biggest thing I would take away from this and offer up as advice: communicate as honestly and openly as possible. Don't be pushy or bring bravado into it - if you really want to go through with it, and I think it could be worth it, just talk to her honestly and rationally about how you feel and what you'd like to happen. If she's as close a friend as she appears to be, I can't imagine how that could backfire for your friendship. But there will always be other factors to consider and then that's where no amount of online advice is going to be able to give you every answer you're looking for. I hope my ramblings helped somewhat.  

Small update: funnily enough, a few hours after posting this, R messaged me out of the blue about making plans to hang out just the three of us again. It's too early to tell what's going to come of this, but also worth pointing out that it is very possible for a friendship to continue even after sharing those experiences. 

[thedude]

It's not wrong at all. But it depends entirely on her feelings about it. Ask her and be open about it, but don't come on too strong. Might make things awkward and/or end the friendship, or it might work out perfectly. There's only one way to find out.

[Sunstone]

I think it entirely depends on how close you are as friends, and how she feels about it. 

Personally, I'd suggest taking small steps if you are unsure of whether you should make advances or not. Maybe just test the waters, maybe open up to her a bit more and ask her some questions you might not normally ask, if you feel confident enough in yourself to do so (just be careful asking questions like that, you don't want to come off as creepy in front of her. x3 Best to find the right time if you want to ask those things~.)

Also, I'd imagine that if she respects you as a close friend, she wouldn't be gossiping about any personal matters that you shared with her. 

Basically, I'd try and find out where you both stand in terms of your friendship. Exactly how you can figure that out? If I were in your situation, I'd ask a few questions when the time feels right, and just play it cool.

One last thing I'll say is, don't set yourself up for disappointment either. She might not be interested in taking things further at all, and if she shows signs of being reluctant, it's best to drop it and leave it; respecting her decision(s).

I hope I could help somewhat with this post. Good luck out there. Rooting for ya, Smash!

[thedude]

Cute AND smart. Listen to this man Sunstone.

[Aura]

This is a situation that depends on so many variables that we can't really help you with. It's ultimately up to you whether or not you think she'd be okay with it. She's your friend, not ours. (Unless she is on ED coincidentally... awkward...)

But all things considered, if you guys are as close as you say you are, then talking to her about this won't do anything bad to the relationship as long as you make sure she knows you aren't only interested in sex. Don't bother playing games with subtle hints and signs. Just be direct and upfront about your feelings. For all you know, she could be wanting you to make the first move.

You also have to make sure you're okay with it. Would you be okay with losing your virginity with her? That's, again, your decision, not ours.

[smash642]

Thank you all for the sound advice so far! It reassures me to have found out it isn't such a morally wrong thing as I first thought haha.

I think, however, I will end up waiting a fair while from now before formally acting up on this. For one, we're still on summer holidays, and won't be until early October. I think it would still be quite rude to ask to meet up over the summer to just ask if we could fuck haha. In addition, I need to (somehow) find out if she's in a relationship. She wasn't before we left for summer I believe, but I don't want to interfere with a relationship she may have found since the holidays started.

With all of that being said though, I am still greatly considering going through with this. I have grown more confident thanks to your replies and advice. We have messed around with each other a bit, so I think we do have a somewhat close bond. I don't think it would easily shatter if I brought this idea up, especially if she is a sexual person like I think. On the other hand, I wouldn't be disappointed either. She is my friend, first and foremost, and I will respect her decision on that front. I don't want to be upfront straight away, but I won't be playing sly mind games with her.

Either way, I think this would be something to talk about in person. Something like this may not come across right on my phone. I could always ask to just casually meet up one day, and then bring it up later on, but I feel that may be a bit much like masking my intentions if I then brought it up. Being both at uni, it would be easier to bring up, and actually act upon. The other challenge would be trying to hide it from our friends haha.

 

Again, thank you so much for the responses to this post! I wasn't expecting this amount within only just over a day. I kind of want to keep this discussion going! I'd likely update for when I do make the move on this idea, but I still want to be getting advice and whatnot. Plus, I just find the idea of having this kind of relationship with friends interesting, so, if you wouldn't mind sharing, I'm all ears ;).

[Aura]

Well, if you two are so close, why not hang out over the summer anyway? It doesn't have to be sexual, just spend some time with her and see where it goes! If sex comes up naturally in the conversation, you can bring it up. If you're friends, it's not weird to hang out, I wouldn't even say it's weird to flirt a little.

[smash642]

@Aura

I think that is possible. She is in London, and I'm a fair bit out (but not too far), so something like that could happen? I just hope I could manage to ask if it was just us two, as a couple of others in our group are also in London, so she might be inclined to invite others too depending on what I planned on doing. I may as well try it though

I think I could bring up sex kinda naturally somehow XD. It could make sense to transition quite nicely, but I think the delivery will be so damn crucial here. And I'd say there is a little bit of a flirty attitude between us already, so that was one of the things that made me think about this in the first place

[Aura]

Yeah, phrasing is definitely critical. You want to be absolutely sure that she knows you're not only into her for sex. As for how exactly you should say it, again, only you can really figure that out since you're the one who knows her the best. In the event that she does take it the wrong way, make sure you give her time to cool down before trying to explain yourself again.

[Valadrass]

The thing that has worked in my friend group, which has the potential to go very badly so don't take this as definite advice, just something to maybe consider, is to get everybody together for a drinking night. We start out with some icebreaker drinking games, like Never Have I Ever or watching through something like YouTube videos and playing Drink Everytime x Happens. Then going onto Truth or Dare, which is how we've poked around to find out everyone's sexual tastes, their openness to certain experiences, what they've already experienced, their current attractions to anyone if they have them and a load of other random shit on top of that. Also with the dares it tests how well you know the other people to pick up on a weakness they'll be fine taking a joke over, how confident in themselves they are and what their boundaries are. I know so much about my friends because of all the nights we've had like this and I guess this approach is what opened up the conditions for the things to happen with R. Then also if something goes wrong during the night, later on it could be just a case of 'oh shit, I'm sorry I was an idiot while we were drunk. Can we forget about it?' or if she says something that you think could be an in you could bring it up with her later when you're sober.

BUT like I said, doing this could come with a lot of risks. People do get stupid when they drink and mistakes can be made. It's up to you to judge whether this is something you'd want to try, if there are any points that could go wrong, and if it's worth a shot. But it is just also a fun way to bond with friends if it is your kind of thing, as long as everybody is safe and responsible enough not to cause any damage.

[Atrexity]

[Alaniz]

I didnt read the whole thing but

Its not wrong. Its fun and you get to be closer with your friend. The answer to the title is:

No

[Noah Takumi Banned]

I didn't read the full text just answering the question. I will though if requested.

I don't think there is anything wrong with sexing a friend, but there are boundaries to it. Like depending on how important the relationship is, are you guys taken and stuff like that. However if neither are taken and you want to do that it's fine, the only problem with that is if you're truly friends you will become close and see each other as a couple without trying to most times. Meaning you would feel very much like a girlfriend, you wouldn't want them being with others. Also he might end up being like that with you, and then you guys will have those awkward moments when you wonder if it was a mistake. If it's just for fun and you guys make up rules for yourselves there shouldn't be a problem, but when you do that you have to ask yourself is this someone you could be worth losing due to how the sex changes the relationship. Most times when you sex people and they are good at it, without realizing it you start falling for them. Unless you have sex all the time and it's more fun then special to you.

[PixelBoi]

If I were in your position I probably wouldn't go through with it, that being said if it's something you really want then you'll go for it. I think you should consider and really think about what's more important. A fuck buddy or a friend who you can grow closer to. Even if you're not romantically interested in her you'd have to consider her feelings first and foremost, which is the hard part. How do you go about even bringing it up? You could do something silly as just hangout and playfully bring up as a joke, having a different response if it doesn't go well. You could just ask and tell her exactly what you've told us, but that might end badly. You're already aware of what could happen and we're just an outlet for your choice. Taking advice from strangers is never as good as thinking it out for yourself.

I hope things turn out for the best for you regardless. Good luck!

[kingddude]

better fuck a friend then an enemy thou the hate here is better 

[Elyana Natasya]

tl;dr, No. Isnt it just normal if both side are comfortable with it? And some people started to get into relationship that way.

[Phrincut]

I'm still a virgin, so if I were in your shoes, I'd go for it. Even if it never evolves into anything more than just sex with a friend, its still bringing you close, after all.