I'm gonna buy/bail you with...

[IsabellaRose]

I shall purchase you with this parasol.

But who shall purchase this tiny woman up for sale, and what price shall she fetch?

[Cash Money Chad]

I shall purchase you with that penis..not this one that one it turns out I am both of  these penises so either  way that's a lot of semen

who's gonna buy that for a dollar 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

You tell me. I buy you with just a dollar. Blame your price tag

Sadly, that was my last dollar. Mind giving me a dollar? Any dollar would do! I'm cheap at the price!

[Akuja]

What say I buy you with a million 2 dollar bills and some yen. Maybe around 百万円 (Translation: One million yen). 

Now, considering that I’m now a broke-ass weeb, I’ll gladly put myself up for sale. Now who wants me?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Hah! Right back at you! I'm gonna buy you with YOUR OWN million yen! It has my face on it sure but what the hey, at least i'm buying you with something!

And now here's the thing, i got my arse jailed for that monopoly money. Bail me out, i'll make your own monopoly money, free of charge!

[IsabellaRose]

I'll bail you out with sexual favors for all the guards... 

But who will bail me out now that I've been jailed for prostitution?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

You sure they held you as prisoner instead personal belonging? But tell you what, i'm gonna bail you out by paying it with paper clip. Lots of clips. I just give them one envelope. The rest are sent with 3 trucks on the way~

And that's how i got jailed; causing traffic jam with those truck. So, you gonna bail me out or what? I could give you freshly made license plate! Or freshly peeled potato if you want to. Or watermelon. Or melon. Basically anything that can be peeled, i'm your lady. But bail me first!

[PixiLust]

Rumor has it, the judge has a foot fetish. I bribed him with a sack of old heels and tights. You’re free to go! Now please.. peel this bag of grapes for me?

Stole the tights and shoes from my neighbor. Guess it’s my turn to go to jail?

[Akuja]

Did you know? I bailed you out by bribing the judge with piece of exotic wood. Wasn’t cheap, but at least you’re a free woman now.

With that said, I’m now under arrest for illegally felling an exotic tree for wood... Someone help me please? 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

By exotic tree, you don't mean a plantain/banana tree ain't it? Coz i'm gonna get pissed too! #Bananaaah~

No worries, i already bail you out by bribing the warden with your own axe and chainsaw. Strange, the warden wearing leatherface and hockey mask. You sure they throw you to jail?

Anyway, i got goose chased by them and smart me choose to hide inside the prison. Now they won't let me go unless someone being nice and "donate" so i could get out. Bail me out, i'll be your best freeloader!

[Akuja]

You’re captor should be busy for a while. Still not sure why he had me drill a hole in one of the bathroom stalls... Oh well, you’re free to go~! 

Now someone do me a favor and purchase me. You won’t regret having me as your bodyguard for life.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Well i need a bodyguard in case there's funny dealing on my garage sale. I'm gonna buy you with a cloud storage!

So! I got everything i want, but i want to be what everybody want. But with a price. Pay me, and i'll be anything you want!

[Akuja]

You’ll be anything I want you say? Now that’s a deal I can’t miss out on! I’ll purchase you with a chance to be isekai’d as my personal Siri/AI-type-thingy on my phone for life! Ain’t that wonderful~? 

Now get to work on sorting out all the hentai in my photos.

Hopefully, someone wouldn’t mind busting me out for illegally downloading so much hentai onto my phone. If you do, I’ll send you some of the good stuff.

 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Then i'll bail you out with good stuff; more hentai. Gotta love play fire with fire you see?

But turn out, it end up very bad and i was thrown back to jail for smothering the laws...bail me anyone?

[Akuja]

The horny jail guards were awfully generous in letting my waltz in after I gave them some wholesome hentai to watch. Not that I’m complaining though as it makes bailing you out easier. 

Now, to pay off for the wholesome hentai, I’m officially selling myself to the next person who comes by! Don’t be shy, I’m just not gonna let you go unless you buy me with something. 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Ay! Stop latching on me! Wanna me to buy you!? Wait, you want me to? Goodness...well, i have this choker- wait, that's cheesy. I'm gonna buy you with leash- wait that's not mine. How about scout cookies- wait that's mine! Okay then, i'm gonna buy you with VHS player! You never know what kind of hentai you missing on VHS days do you? DO YOU!?

Now you tell me. I'm gonna sell myself but i don't want expensive stuff. What you gonna give to get me?

[Akuja]

Why would I watch hentai on VHS when I could just pirate *ahem* legally download hentai off of pirating *clears throat thoroughly* reputable hentai sites? Here, I’ll buy you with the VHS you gave me. 

Now then, the next person to purchase me must do so by downloading my whole being off this malware infested and totally illegal perfectly safe downloading site. 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Finally my quadruple account find their use! I'm gonna own you by buying your illegal server! Huh, funny, now my PC shown naked firefighter calendar as a wallpaper. Guess its my pirated OS CD-ROM time to shine!

So actually, i should install those OS while offline, but me being dumb, i install it online. I manage to dodge the prison time by paying fine but now i'm broke! I'm gonna sell myself cheap! Say, how about one bitcoin? Or tempt me with anything else you had!

[Akuja]

*Tosses out a fishing line with a “Bitcoin” at the end to you* Oh? Well would you look at that. It’s a physical Bitcoin! and totally not one of those chocolate medallions that are wrapped in fake gold wrapping! Now come to papa~! 

Sooo... Apparently it’s illegal to just forge cryptocurrency, which is strange since I got mine from the grocery store on clearance... Anyone willing to bail me out? I’ll pay you with some chocolate coins.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Right, no wonder cop is on my rear when i just take this coin from the river. Tell you what? I'm gonna bail you out with this pack of overly sweet chocolate milk. And i don't care if they had lactose intolerant!

But those milk ain't cheap. And i want those for myself. So here i am offering myself on the shelves! Tell you what, if you can offer me a sweet deal, i'll follow where you go. Cheap~

[IsabellaRose]

I'm going to buy you with ice cream (because I have a theme going here)

But who's going to buy me now? I've apparently been discounted. Bargain bin. 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Discount at bargain bin? Why, it sure smell like a sweet deal! Then i'm gonna buy you with a bundled chips i just ordered! Let's gamble!

<------- ???% edible gambling chips inside

Or that was the plan if i didn't bet everything at the start. So i put myself on this shelves just so anyone notice and can buy me. I don't know, buy me with anything. Money, credits, check, black card, steam voucher, playstore voucher, anything goes. Even your kidney would do.

[IsabellaRose]

I'm going to buy you with a closet full of Studio Ghibli DVDs.

But I've been arrested for (totally coincidentally) pirating DVDs. Who's going to post my bail?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I have to bail you out with 10 lawyers for that! Don't ask me how i paid them...

Actually, i paid them with a pickled apple and they weren't too happy since some of them are doctor who loath apple. Now they asked for cash and i don't have one at the moment. But begging isn't my way! So i'm gonna sell myself again! Any penny would do~

 

[Cash Money Chad]

Im gonna buy you with silver hair dye a box of condoms 400, 000 dollars and Toyota

But now I am out of money and a car who will buy me and me out of this predicament