real vs fiction Wishful thinking. . .

[The Great Excalibur]

I woke up on the couch with my red-haired beautiful girlfriend there still sleeping with her loving sleepy expression as I made sure not to wake her up by scooting off on the side, as I did so I decided to go out into the kitchen where I was greeted by her Parents who were so happy to see how well we were doing as a new loving couple. I couldn't remember how long we had been together but after finishing up a morning drink for myself I went into the living room again leaning on a wall just enjoying the beauty of my Girlfriend sleeping there, I could easily tell I had the biggest and happiest smile on my face then ever before this was just so lovely.

It didn't take long for her to wake up seeing me looking at her with my smile as she gave one back just as heartwarming as my own leaving me with a blushed grin on my face, she got up fairly quick as we both were messing around with one another grabbing, tickling, kissing and whatnot over on the computer table as her Parents and my Father came over to say they were leaving. I went to my Father and gave him the biggest tightest hug I ever had done with a big smile telling him I finally did it with a small tear forming in my eyes as he told me how proud he was. . .

The next thing I knew I woke up in my one room apartment alone not wanting to believe it was a dream. . .

Seconds later I was standing in front of my Apartment with my Girlfriend as we both smiled looking at our adorable Daughter with me feeling so happy, only for there to moments later be an older version of me walking towards my Girlfriend as I maneuver our child into the apartment telling her we will be there in a bit and that we just need to talk about something secretive. Only for me to moments later see my Girlfriend crying knowing this is not real as I hug her tightly crying knowing all too well that I will wake up without her in my arms.

Sure enough moments later I woke up in my one room apartment on my sleeping couch crying immensely knowing that I couldn't go back to what I was just experiencing. . .
I have not felt so devastated in a long while, I would give anything to live in that dream world once more.

Hey there everyone so sorry for leaving this tear jerking story I just experienced today, but I had to get it out somewhere for both myself and others to read ( especially if they have experienced similar scenario )

[Pixel]

This reminds me of a classic DC story with a parasitic plant called the Black Mercy. It attaches to you and paralyses you to feed, while pumping your brain with your hearts greatest desire. Your perfect world, as real as you can imagine. Only for it all to be ripped away if the plant is removed. 

We all have our ideal lives. Unfortunately, I lost mine long ago. You'll find yours. When you do, cherish every moment of it. Nothing is perfect, but don't take anything for granted.

[The Great Excalibur]

@Pixel I remember that parasitic plant, and to be honest I never thought I would get a dream that conveyed emotions I have never truly felt on such a level only for it to be ripped away just like in that episode. 

8 minutes ago, Pixel said:

We all have our ideal lives. Unfortunately, I lost mine long ago. You'll find yours. When you do, cherish every moment of it. Nothing is perfect, but don't take anything for granted.

I do hope so being 25 with nothing to show for makes me question it, however, I will keep hope out for as long as I possibly can. 

[Pixel]

I'm 32 with dick all to show for it. But, I learned more recently than I care to admit (more like actually comprehended it), it's never too late. Everything is building towards something even if it doesn't seem like it. Keep your focus on you and what you're doing. But, hey. Maybe consider one of those dating apps, it's an easy way to get yourself out there like recommended before. At least you'll meet people who may also be struggling to find someone they vibe with.

Never lose hope. 

[bumpnrun]

One step at a time...just keep making steps.

[Lookin4fun]

 

That's a really sad thing to happen. Note, I'm not a doctor or mental health professional, so take what I say next with the grain of salt that this is coming from a stranger on the internet.

I say this, not attacking or criticizing you, but I think you need to find something else to occupy your mind other than this. I fear it may become an obsession to get a girlfriend/relationship and instead you need to focus on developing a healthy mindset and coping mechanisms. Again, this is me concerned for you, not putting you down. It might be time to step away from whatever negative or isolating influences that are in your life and surround yourself with friends, family, and positive social situations.

If something from your past is holding you back you need to cut ties with it. Forgive yourself, recognize that you are only human, and move on. Cut ties with emotional baggage from the past.

You are only 25. Life HAS NOT PASSED YOU BY. If you feel that you have nothing to show for you life, then you aren't looking at things that matter more. Friends, family, relationships (not necessarily romantic), your health, and the good deeds that you do for others.

You are also young and probably still searching for your identity. I don't necessarily mean sexual identity, I mean the struggle that all young people face as they ask the question: "What is my place/role in this world?" At some point, you will find this answer, you just need to keep faith in your mind and abilities and press on to drive yourself to greater heights.

[Pixel]

9 minutes ago, Lookin4fun said:

If something from your past is holding you back you need to cut ties with it. Forgive yourself, recognize that you are only human, and move on. Cut ties with emotional baggage from the past.

You are only 25. Life HAS NOT PASSED YOU BY. If you feel that you have nothing to show for you life, then you aren't looking at things that matter more. Friends, family, relationships (not necessarily romantic), your health, and the good deeds that you do for others.

That first bit, like HOLY FUCK. If you have anything like that, take it from me, the master of living in the past and beating myself up forever over every single thing, let go. We don't stop growing and learning just because we're adults. I've had a lot of very good things in my life ruined because I allowed emotional baggage and trauma to win. I'm what... Six, seven months into therapy now? I've learned SO MUCH about myself, my past, sorting out emotions and situations and exactly why I felt how I did and how I could have done things differently for better or worse. And learning to make peace with everything, and move on, has made me feel SO fucking much lighter.

It's as I said, focus on you and what you're doing. Stan Lee was 40 years old when he created Spider-Man. Big change can happen at any time, sometimes when you least expect it. Calling back what I said up there, it's never too late.

 

[Lookin4fun]

Yeah, therapy can help greatly, especially if maladaptive thoughts/behaviors/actions are interfering with your life. I know therapy has a lot of stigma, but fuck what other people think. Therapy and metacognition are the 2 most important tools modern humanity has to unfuck itself so why should that be shunned in any way? Admitting you need help is not a weakness, especially since you become stronger once you get that help.

[Pixel]

Can confirm. I feel like a completely different person than I did at the end of last year.

Now I'm enjoying my hobbies again, getting into better shape, I took up nunchuks a while back which is something I always wanted to do, my son seems happier and I can manage stressful situations/ painful triggers SO much easier. 

Not to make it about therapy lol, just

Don't hold yourself back by thinking about "what if"s in a past you can't change no matter how hard you try. Make a better future for your own life, and one day, for the person you'll share it with.

[G3TxTactical]

When I got back from my second tour over seas I was divorced, alone, and had buried many of my close friends. My parents never came to see me once in those first 5 years in the Army.

   I would have dreams where I was on fire. I had watched and listened to an entire dradley crew cook and burn over seas and it only effected me years later.

   "I am powerful. Strong. I make the world bend. It doesn't bend me." I would say all the time as I had it written on my mirror where ever I went. Slowly I used the gym, visualizations of where I wanted to be, focused on my work, my soldiers.

   I now have been in 14 years. I have a wife of 8 years. 7 dogs. 3 kids with 1 on the way.

"I am powerful. Strong. I bend the world. It doesn't bend me." I just have added. "They need you."

[IsabellaRose]

All you can do is make yourself the kind of person that deserves that dream. 

Find out who you are. Make yourself the best you that you can be. You have so much time to discover yourself, to establish yourself. 

The thing I had to learn was to try to stop being who I thought other people wanted me to be and figure out who I was. It didn't really happen til my mid-30's. Years of trying to find myself. Once I started to be comfortable and happy with who I was, it was years longer until someone found me. Then it ended. Then it picked back up. It's a rollercoaster.

All you can do is ride the ride and be the most authentic you that you can be. Never measure yourself by anyone else's yardstick.