I'm gonna buy/bail you with...

[KanTheKnight]

TADARDAAA! TADADADAA! I come in with my tactical whip and a breathing mask and whip the extraterrestrial ANGELS out of the rope that you're trapped in. I help both of you get out of the facility whilst epicly parkouring we finally step foot outside and into my buggy vehicle.

But as we were travelling to get you into a suburb area, whilst we were taking a break from the road I'm suddenly snatched up by a car and it drives off quickly. Well great..Now I'm inside the trunk tied up. Care to bail me out anyone..? As long as you do it with anything that can work. 

[Minorikawa]

No problem. I call up my buddy, you may have heard of him, his name is only Vin Diesel from the Fast and Furious franchise. He pulls up, pops open the door of his fancy American muscle car provided by product placement generosity, and utters one word: "Family." I hop in and we're off to catch up to that car. After a crazy chase sequence, some fancy bungie cord acrobatics, and prying the trunk open while the car is still moving (naturally, filmed at maybe fifteen miles an hour but shot and CG'ed to look like 80), I get @KanDaKnight out and back over to Vin Diesel safe and sound.

"Take care of the package, Vin! ...I mean Dom! ...I mean... Vom!"

"Family," he nods, and takes you off to safety.

Unfortunately the car hits a bump, I get tangled in the bungie cord, and find myself being dragged along in a PG cartoon Looney Tunes manner. Off to where? Am I to be imprisoned? Or am I about to get Road Warriored? Or perhaps Fury Roaded? What does verbing movies even mean? I guess I'll have to hope for someone to bail me out of this trouble to find out!

[Elena Ichinomiya]

At least you got some adventure before being dragged of. But i'm taking interest in your adventure and want a piece of it for myself. So i'm gonna bail you with a color pastel that smell like frozen sausage. Just so you know, i stole it.

But the thing is, i stole it because i have no money (duh!). Why don't you buy me? My price? Well, just pay me with any stuff with your favorite color on it. Either purple mousepad, white necklace, pink tractor...

[Akuja]

Not really a tech savvy kind of guy, but I’ll gladly take you for myself with one of those fancy keyboards that light up in the colors of the rainbow. Why? Because I love ALL THE COLORS! 

I’m also tossing in a bottle of red wine because I just Love the color of it.

Again, not really a tech savvy guy, but I thought it would have some more value if I took it off some random top esports, twitch streamer schmook. Since I’m being charged for burglary, can someone be a darling and bail me out of this mess? My favorite Vtuber’s streaming in like.. five minutes.

[Minorikawa]

He's several days late, but comes in with a gigantic hammer and swings through the bricks of the prison and... into the wrong cell. That's okay! He hammers through the brick to the next cell over, freeing Akuja from his confines! However, all the noise has alerted the guards and carrying a hammer this big slows him down, so after an attempted dramatic "Go on without me!" only to find Akuja was already over the prison wall, he gets caught.

And now he's in the most well-defended portion of the prison to prevent break-outs.

...help?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Oi, you there. Its time for you to come out. World need you and other crap about hero thingy. So i'm gonna bail you with 5 cat food, 2 dog food, and 5 ready to eat pizza something. Though the lattes smell like mold but its enough to knock the warden. Now go save the world. Oh, and don't forget to brush your teeth.

...

Ungrateful brat! I save them and they throw me here once they know i'm the main villain! This is the shortest heroes tale ever! Bail me from this gingerbread jail will you!? I got train to raid- err...to catch! 

[Minorikawa]

Well, this hero has always had a weakness to the villainess of a story, especially the kind that dresses all sexily. So I rally the troops with a creative speech about how we'll win the day and history will remember us for ages and something about true heroism and all that junk. We storm the jail and manage to rescue you!

But unfortunately everyone else figures out that you're the bad guy, so now I'm all chained up in the dungeons. Shucks! Anyone able to talk 'em out of it? Let 'em know it was a big misunderstanding? Perhaps by them off with some dirty ol' magazines?

[KanTheKnight]

I am the anti-hero so of course I'll have to save somebody who does more area damage than arial plane bombers. I sneak in into the dungeon and come in with a freezer. I open it to your rutheless guards and they see heaven in there. But as they all reach to take one, I swipe kick them all inside the freezer like looney tune cartoons and close the freezer door and perform a sealing jutsu on it. Then I bail you out and we flee together!

But as my luck is, as we say thanks and goodbye to each other, the boss of that dungeon was a dungeoness. She is super fierce, and soon put me back here..In a cell..With double guards who dont even sleep. Just guard me all day and night long. Please someone buy me to save me, I can't handle dominatrixes! T-T

[Minorikawa]

Don't worry buddy, I got this.

He offers himself up to the Dominatrix as a distraction so that the anti-hero can get away. After all, he said he likes villainesses, right? Just get tied down and used a bit as a boy toy and... oh... wait... what's... no, no he doesn't like toys like that... wait you wanna put that where?!

So uh... I uh... I need someone to either swap places or bring a proper submissive to appease this Dominatrix because this got way kinkier than I was prepared for...

[Elena Ichinomiya]

My words, where did you find that...unstable minded thing anyway? But i guess i don't mind bailing you out by switching place. I mean, its just a dominatrix, what can possibly go wrong?

...

Anything will go wrong when you're underestimate thing. Come on guys! Don't be shy to bail me out! I can't say what that dominatrix want but certainly anything kinky would make up for it. Heck, even kinky fanfic would do! Just get me out!

[Minorikawa]

Dressed in a ninja outfit, he manages to sneak all sneakily into the Dominatrix's chamber, and just as she's about to apply her crazy kink onto Elena, he straps a VR headset onto her! The Dominatrix is confused and enraged at first, but suddenly she is very... very... turned on. In the distraction, Minorikawa... spends a bit too long eyeing up Elena and pondering some of his own kinks, but then frees her and sets her free!

Unfortunately, this ninja mask doesn't have the best visibility, so he makes a wrong turn and falls down a pit, which happens to belong to a Whompa from Star Wars, and now he's hanging upside down in an ice cave that came outta nowhere.

...um... can... can someone distract it with some Taun Taun meat or something? I um... I'm in a predicament.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Bashing those thing head on would be idiot. Picking ice would take time. But at least i can distract them. I'm gonna bail you out by using pig and rat mutt thingies for a distraction...where's the crank again? Ah here we go.

There, off you go! Now then...time for making my run...if it was that easy. I got split up from that guy and end up thrown in this shaky prison. Don't know where they put me but it sounds like container. Bail me out! Or buy the whole container if you're up for it!

[IsabellaRose]

I'm going to use the force (and this lightsaber I found on the floor of that ice cave while trying to catch up with all of you) and bust you out!

But after we escape, I consider giving in my to anger and nearly turn to the dark side, then turn myself in as I overcorrect back to the light side. But now that I'm behind bars, I'm back to a happy median and really want out Who can bail out this Skywalker-wanna-be?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Sure why not? I'm gonna bail you with a serving of both Ronto and Rontoless wrap for the guards. Not sure why but when i ask them how much it gonna get to bail you out, they said they want a round with me. So i give them one Rounto to each of them. They look at me crazy  but what the hell, come on! I give you a round later!

...

Err...i make mistake, i get into wrong truck and now i'm escorted to some underground market for auction. Interested to buy me off from shelves? Better hurry. They accept cash, credit, barter...your ex-credit number, your 5th kidney, and even your soul. Hurry before they add another payment method!

[Akuja]

Well shit, looks like I’m already too late. Seems like they just started accepting crypto as a payment method, so I’m gonna go ahead and buy you with these NFTs that I basically just copied and pasted from the auctioneer’s portfolio. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must cleanse myself after dabbling in something so  vile and wretched as NFTs…

Ugh… Kill me. Now I’m being sold off as an NF… Er.. No? Oh thank Christ almighty! I’m being sold physically at an auction! As much of a relief that is, I still want someone to buy me. I’m getting kinda tired being displayed next to some bored monkeys.

[KanTheKnight]

Pft easy. I buy you out by offering my guru services on how to impress the opposite sex, in turn getting you freedom back. But, eh..Turns out they caught into my fake advices quick and now have taped me on a cross, with literal gorilla tape and plan to yank my pants down at the square center of this random city! Please somebody bail me out ;<<

[Elena Ichinomiya]

That's my city! Liar and trespassing will be prostituted! But lucky for you, i'm gonna bail you with empty elder scroll i found on my last journey to the southwest. Not sure what so elder about it but it has beard on each scroll...

But let me tell you, journey to the southwest ain't cheap. In fact, i barely cover half of continent. Why don't you buy me? I can use some change for my next journey. No limited amount! But no discount...

[IsabellaRose]

I'm going to buy you with this collection of vintage albums I found in my uncle's basement... now we just need a turntable.

...and I just got arrested for stealing a turntable. Who's going to bail me out?

[Akuja]

How so.. You remember the dude you stole the turntable from? Well, I gave him a shawarma rack to replace his stolen turntable and now he’s dropping all charges against you! *insert woohoo emote*

Sadly, the guy I took the shawarma rack from wasn’t all to pleased and came up to me crying his eyes out and shit. Something about it being a memorial for some Stark fella? I dunno. Anyways, now I’m being arrested on emotional damage. Someone be a hero and bail me?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I already bail you with pitch of warm lemonade drinks! What you doing sitting there? Waiting your row number called? Get out!

Because you see, i happen to work in that prison. The warden wasn't too pleased knowing i serve delicious [STATEMENT DELETED] drinks. All i did is serving drink named "blood from my enemy" and they flipping flip flop and push me inside confinement. At least the cushion are nice. But its boring! Get me out!

[IsabellaRose]

I'll bail you out with sexual favors for the guards because I'm in the mood and they're here.

Of course, now I'm arrested for prostitution... and I didn't even charge! Help me get out of jail!

[Akuja]

Yo, what's up~? Act natural and keep cool. You're being transferred to another prison, but you'll be riding in a taxi I stole from a walrus-looking dude. What?! Don't look at me like that! I just asked for a ride to the prison to visit, but the fucker said I looked like a goddamn sea urchin!! He totally had it coming!

Anyways, don't worry about paying the fare. The cops got the taxi impounded but I'm still inside. Maybe someone could pay the fine or break me the hell out of here. I would do it myself, but I'm in a car. There's no room to do capoeira in here. 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Don't bother, i already paid the bail. Seriously, don't breakdance on harmonica concert!

Now leave me be. Its time for me to sell myself at full price...fine, you can bargain for lower price. Just pay me with something that i couldn't resist! Like chocolate bar for example. Or one can of root beer

[maid lover]

I'm going to buy miss Ichinomiya with a bag of ice, that way she'll stop being so hot.

[Akuja]

Oh yeah? Tell me about it. Elena’s SO~ hot that I’m gonna buy you with an Elena Ichinomoya maid dakimakura and Elena herself in a maid costume. Hmmm… Y’know, isn’t it kinda suspicious that I would get Elena as a maid? Or is it just me? Eh, whatever. It’s not like the authorities have power over the almighty Akuja-sama~! Ahahahaha~!!!

Or so I thought… I forgot to pay this month’s rent on the crappy apartment I live in and now I’m under house arrest for some reason. Someone be a dear and bail me out.