Let's start being honest about sex!

[JennyDK]

17 minutes ago, SymbioteSliver said:

Been cheated on more times then i can count, closest ive ever been to cheating was my gf at the time made it clear i wasnt the type of guy she wanted and then didnt talk to me for 2 weeks. I figured we were broken up and was just going to drink a little and play games and go to bed, because i was hurt, my almost sister in law, decides to get me to "drink more and forget avout it, her loss." She had a coworker come over and we ended up sleeping together. 3 days later my "gf" decides to hit me up, like nothing ever happened. Most people male and female say it doesnt count, but i still felt horrible. *Also the reason she found out was i told her rite then and there when we where on the phone, i always said i wanted honesty.

Well, damn - I am sorry to hear. It's never a fun thing to discover. I should know. Why can't these people try and be goddamn decent and honest for once?

[Buio Banned]

never cheated physically, but at one point in the end phase of a long distance relationship (as in, my girlfriend has just said she didn't love me anymore, but didn't want to break up) in my teenaged years, I ended up confiding in a mutual friend who herself was also essentially licking her wounds from being rejected by another friend we had in common and she'd been in love with forever. While it was all over text, my having been in canada and her in japan at the time, I kissed her an we essentially fooled around together, though never going a far as actual sexting. Didn't stop the guy who'd rejected her from blowing a fuse when she told him (after telling me she wouldn't) and telling me he'd have broken my arm if I was in front of him (there is some context to that which doesn't make him sound as entirely the asshole that this shortened version paints him as, but long story short he hadn't rejected her because he didn't want to be with her, and he saw my actions as betrayal). It was a whole mess of a situation with lots of painful feelings all around, and all of it plus some other things going on at the time resulted in the loss of basically all of my Japanese friends, the majority of whom I loved like they were family.

I still think about them today and just... wonder what would have happened if I'd handled everything that was going on in that situation better, with more maturity I guess.

[JennyDK]

Sounds like a total shitshow for everyone involved and I am sorry to hear it went down like that. Teenagers very rarily have the insight, experience and wisdom one gains with getting older. I sure as Hell wouldn't mind my younger self having the insight I have now and things might have looked very, very different.

Still, we gotta take the paths that makes most sense to us at the time and hopefully we end up in a decent place in the end.

[SymbioteSliver]

29 minutes ago, JennyDK said:

Well, damn - I am sorry to hear. It's never a fun thing to discover. I should know. Why can't these people try and be goddamn decent and honest for once?

People are so afraid of taking responsibility, and the backlash, they shift blame. I have never understood it.

[JennyDK]

1 minute ago, SymbioteSliver said:

People are so afraid of taking responsibility, and the backlash, they shift blame. I have never understood it.

I guess some people grow and mature and others...well...not so much.

And all of this coming from a shitlord...then you know it's looking bad xD

[Eros Angel]

On 13/05/2020 at 11:16, JennyDK said:

Have any of you guys ever been unfaithful?

I personally was one time and it was only once....but sadly has had it happen to me more than once

I've never cheated on anyone myself but I was cheated on myself once and I did not take it well. Turns out though the girl I was with had just realized she was straight. Jeez that it would have been really, really helpful if you had just communicated that...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS3r_kYqAlc

This is a pretty good summary of the situation lol.

Edit: Well specifically my emotions

[WritesNaughtyStories]

2 hours ago, JennyDK said:

Have any of you guys ever been unfaithful?

I personally was one time and it was only once....but sadly has had it happen to me more than once

I have never cheated on my partner but I have been a married woman's other man. 

[JennyDK]

On 13/05/2020 at 13:31, Eros Angel said:

I've never cheated on anyone myself but I was cheated on myself once and I did not take it well. Turns out though the girl I was with had just realized she was straight. Jeez that it would have been really, really helpful if you had just communicated that...

I sense a theme in these stories x3
The only time I ever did it, was I was very young and I wanted to try something new, that  my partner could not provide - it was dumb and bad of me. Though she did cheat on me....twice. So yeahhhhh...

The most I did was oral when I did it...nothing beyond that. So quite the difference in severity...but still not a good move on my part.

On 13/05/2020 at 13:35, WritesNaughtyStories said:

I have never cheated on my partner but I have been a married woman's other man. 

And you knew she was married?

[WritesNaughtyStories]

10 minutes ago, JennyDK said:

And you knew she was married?

In a total display of douchebaggery she was married to a friend of mine. 

Completely shitty of me in every way.

[Tsuki]

2 hours ago, JennyDK said:

Have any of you guys ever been unfaithful?

I personally was one time and it was only once....but sadly has had it happen to me more than once

Nope.

Cheating for me mean destroy confidence and it's the worst thing you can do to my person. 

I was only cheated in the field of friendship not love, but that was the worst shit I've passed trough. 

[JennyDK]

On 13/05/2020 at 13:50, Tsuki said:

Nope.

Cheating for me mean destroy confidence and it's the worst thing you can do to my person. 

I was only cheated in the field of friendship not love, but that was the worst shit I've passed trough. 

Cheated  how?

On 13/05/2020 at 13:48, WritesNaughtyStories said:

In a total display of douchebaggery she was married to a friend of mine. 

Completely shitty of me in every way.

We all have stuff we regret we did and which was wrong. The important thing. in the end, is to hopefully improve ourselves and work to be better people.

[Buio Banned]

Sometimes I really wish we could be more like bonobos as a species. All pan and poly, fucking to make each other feel better whenever we are stressed haha. No jealousy, no frustration, just a lot of universal love.

[JennyDK]

Bonobos is what? I don't personally find it alluring for everyone to be the same - that is just wishful running away. If we don't face bad shit, it is hard to grow as people. While life is a piece of shit at times, I also kind of like it to be in some weird way. It helps me appreciate the good parts even more.

[Aura]

I've never cheaeted myself and I've never been cheated on, though I've also never been in a genuine relationship before. Closest was some girl would basically psychologically manipulate me into doing whatever she wanted through guilt. 

There was one point where I'd hooked sex with a married man, but my head wasn't even close to straight there, I was probably at the lowest point of my life and thought next to nothing about myself. I felt like a failure as a man and that the only way I could be useful is if I served other men regardless of my own thoughts or concerns. It's a mindset I'll definitely never go back to, myself and it's a regret that really ate at me for the longest time and even led to a breakdown when talking to a friend about it. 

While I consider myself a very forgiving person, there is absolutely no excuse for cheating. I would never encourage it in a million years because it tears people apart and you get next to nothing out of it. Unless your partner has a cucking fetish (in which case I'd argue it isn't cheating at all considering you're being totally honest and you're still working within the boundaries of your relationship), you are crossing a line that can never be uncrossed and will scar your partner, possibly permanently. If I were to be cheated on, while I probably would forgive that person, I'm not sure I would ever be able to remain in a relationship with someone like that unless they showed very clear signs of remorse for their actions and even then I think it would depend on why or how they did it.

[Buio Banned]

10 minutes ago, JennyDK said:

Bonobos is what? I don't personally find it alluring for everyone to be the same - that is just wishful running away. If we don't face bad shit, it is hard to grow as people. While life is a piece of shit at times, I also kind of like it to be in some weird way. It helps me appreciate the good parts even more.

Bonobos are a type of chimpanzee that are our closest genetic relatives. Their default stress reponse when someone startles the tribe is to have sex to make themselves all feel better, and they regularly have orgies lol.

And, I mean, just about all humans are already the same in that the vast majority of us enjoy the idea of having multiple partners but also get jealous at the idea of sharing partners with others on an instinctual level. 

Not everyone would have to be the exact same (there'd likely still be about 1% of us who are asexual for example, and it's not like pansexual folk don't still have leans as-is) but our species would get along a lot better if the default instinctual response was not jealousy when our mates are attracted to others, and if we all were able to find any other member of our species attractive. We wouldn't have entire bloody histories of gays and trans folk being murdered and otherwise persecuted, for example.

[Tsuki]

@JennyDK it's a long story. When you trust and love a person like she was part of your family and she leave you alone without a single word after over ten years of friendship. 

@Buio

9 minutes ago, Buio said:

No jealousy, no frustration, just a lot of universal love.

Sometimes I think the same. Especially when jealousy became a mental desease that was throw away all the good things. 

[JennyDK]

I think it works well for them, because their level of consciouness and of course intelligence is still far from our own. Still, one can still admire such a group dynamic.

I don't think humanity is monogamous by nature, honestly. Personally I have it like this: If me or my partner fancies someone else, they are free to join US in bed. Not just me, not just my partner...and there is to be no emotions of romance involved. I like group sex, but not polyamour (or whatever its' called). I feel no jealousy as long as I know and feel my partner only has romantic feelings for me.

So for me, this is the better option rather than an utopian idea - granted, this is kind of utopian too, but more realistic.

[Alexander Bodide]

8 hours ago, Eros Angel said:

Ok I would like to ask a question and it is going to sound sexist but it is based on personal observation; it really seems to me that the more your balls fill up with cum the more angry and distracted you guys get lol, where as you mention this post orgasm clarity I agree with that, though there is the idea that after sex men just "roll over and go to sleep" My experience is that men are never more loving and affectionate and never so clear headed and willing to actually listen to what I'm saying, then during this time.

I guess my questions is: Are you guys ok? It seems like full balls are some kinda curse that makes you guys wander around in a frustrated haze lol

Edit: Oh and I mean you guys as in the males of the species not specifically the men here lol

I've never experienced the post-nut sleepiness. I feel like that part is a myth. Now for "full balls", if they're full because I haven't been thinking about sexy stuff for days on end, then there won't be a change in attitude. But if it's been a while and I can't get sexy stuff off my mind? That absolutely puts me in a haze where I basically can get nothing done until I release, at which point the part that feels best is simply the feeling of having my own mind back; I can feel my mental faculties rushing back to me directly following the nut. However, I don't think anger factors into it for me. Maybe that's more a thing with guys who are given to higher testosterone levels?

6 hours ago, JennyDK said:

Am I the only one here who is kind of "meh" when it comes to sex toys? It very much feels like most are just over happy with them, but they just seem pretty unncessary most of the time.

What are we calling toys exactly? Because I enjoy a good riding crop, giving or receiving. Also handcuffs, or that body tape that sticks to itself but not anything else. When I was younger I wanted to try wearing a remote-controlled shock collar...I'm not as enthused about that idea now, but I know I'd still try it given the chance.

Anyway, most of the time toys aren't involved, but they're nice to spice it up here and there.

[Buio Banned]

I myself don't particularly see how higher intelligence and consciousness should in any way naturally lead to jealousy and a standard inability to appreciate all genders and  the sexual satisfaction of your partner even if by someone else's presence *chuckles*

Also, what you described was so close to being monogamy that it may as well still be it. Wanting someone to 'join in' but wanting to make sure that they will only have sex with both you and your partner and that there is no romance at all (which kind of guarantees that the sex won't be as fulfilling) and saying you will get jealous otherwise still shows that you clearly view your relationship in a monogamous light, you just also fancy the idea of having what essentially amount to a human sex doll around to enhance the experience—as again you are explicitly not wanting any emotional connection to be formed.

it's essentially 'monogam-ish', or monogamous (single in romantic partner) but not monosexual. And I'm not saying that to say you are bad or wrong, but rather to highlight how the point you made really doesn't serve to support your argument that humans are not monogamous by nature (which, i mean, we aren't by the strictest definition, but also practically no mammals are, and doesn't change that we still are much closer to that than polyamorous since we overwhelmingly get jealous if we think our partner has interest in another than us, physically or emotionally)

[Eros Angel]

I'm honestly a monogamist myself in my orientation towards romantic relationships. Though typically not a jealous person the girl I mentioned spent two years pursuing me and another three convincing me we where meant to be together until one day, whoops, sorry not gay.

Course she didn't just tell me this just started sneaking around with one of my male best friends behind my back.

Though jealousy is always seen as simply a bad trait I suggest that if you have never felt it you have never been in love and then betrayed.

[Aura]

Yeah, I don't think polyamory would be anything but a mess of anxiety for someone like myself. I'd constantly be comparing myself to others and it would just make me feel stressed and insecure over things I shouldn't be. I wouldn't get that one-to-one sensation of building each other up and instead I'd just feel like I'd need to prove myself in order to get any attention from the group. Basically, I'd just be worried about not being as good as the people around me and not contributing enough to the group. I need a personal one-to-one relationship so that we can focus entirely on each others' strengths and weaknesses and support each other through thick and thin, I wouldn't take pleasure in being in a group where an individual's problems would likely just get overlooked entirely. I hate that societal pressure to not "bring down the room." If something's bothering me, I need to know I'd be able to share those feelings without feeling awkward or guilty.

[JennyDK]

@Alexander Bodide It can be a grey area with some things - I can see the interesting about handcuffs and a collar (not shock one), but to me they do not really qualify as toys.

@Buio Why should everyone like every gender anyway? I mean, it's okay to be different nd have different likes and dislikes. I feel a bit like you are putting words in my mouth there though, so I would appreciate not being told how I feel about whoever I should choose to allow in to join me and my partner. If you view that as beign a mere sex toy - that's your perspective. You are not in my mind and know how I feel about them, so I kindly prefer that you don't pretend you know I personally think about them.

I want monogamy in romance and love and I will not feel bad for wanting that. If others can do other stuff, I will not think less of them, it is just not for me.

On 13/05/2020 at 14:22, Aura said:

Yeah, I don't think polyamory would be anything but a mess of anxiety for someone like myself. I'd constantly be comparing myself to others and it would just make me feel stressed and insecure over things I shouldn't be. I wouldn't get that one-to-one sensation of building each other up and instead I'd just feel like I'd need to prove myself in order to get any attention from the group. Basically, I'd just be worried about not being as good as the people around me and not contributing enough to the group. I need a personal one-to-one relationship so that we can focus entirely on each others' strengths and weaknesses and support each other through thick and thin, I wouldn't take pleasure in being in a group where an individual's problems would likely just get overlooked entirely. I hate that societal pressure to not "bring down the room." If something's bothering me, I need to know I'd be able to share those feelings without feeling awkward or guilty.

This mostly covers my feelings about it.

[Buio Banned]

On 13/05/2020 at 14:29, JennyDK said:

Why should everyone like every gender anyway? I mean, it's okay to be different nd have different likes and dislikes.

Like I said, Pan people already have leans, so it's not like everyone being pan would make everyone a homogenous blob. there are pan folk in straight relationships, some in  gay relationships, some who don't like relationships at all and just want to fuck, others who want to be with one person only for their whole lives even if they could be attracted to that person regardless of whatever gender expression that person had. Having the ability to like all genders doesn't preclude you from being an individual lol.

And I already answered the first part of what you asked when I said that such a natural state would basically eliminate all of the atrocities visited on sexual minorities throughout all of history. Not sure how that itself is not a good enough 'why' seeing as there are still today people being killed, raped, and tortured for their sexual preference all over the world.

On 13/05/2020 at 14:29, JennyDK said:

I feel a bit like you are putting words in my mouth there though, so I would appreciate not being told how I feel about whoever I should choose to allow in to join me and my partner. If you view that as beign a mere sex toy - that's your perspective.

It was your own description of the situation where you said you just wanted someone additional in your bedroom if you or your partner 'fancied' them but only if it was shared and there was zero chance of emotional romantic connection. Something that enhances your sex life while not providing emotional satisfaction is a sex toy. That's not a derogatory statement, it's just the fact of the matter. What you have so far described is another human being allowed to participate only if they are an accessory to sexual satisfaction that carries with it no romantic connotations. If you want to clarify on your earlier statement and provide nuance where it lacked, you are entirely free to do so, but I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, just putting descriptions to the words coming out.

On 13/05/2020 at 14:29, JennyDK said:

I want monogamy in romance and love and I will not feel bad for wanting that.

who said you had to feel bad? I literally stated the opposite lol.

On 13/05/2020 at 14:21, Buio said:

And I'm not saying that to say you are bad or wrong, but rather to highlight how the point you made really doesn't serve to support your argument that humans are not monogamous by nature

As you just attested to yourself, you are monogamous when it comes to romance, and that's entirely fine. But you described your monogamy literally in the same paragraph  and directly after the sentence where you said 

On 13/05/2020 at 14:11, JennyDK said:

I don't think humanity is monogamous by nature, honestly.

creating a complete non-sequitur.

[JennyDK]

3 minutes ago, Buio said:

It was your own description of the situation where you said you just wanted someone additional in your bedroom if you or your partner 'fancied' them but only if it was shared and there was zero chance of emotional romantic connection. Something that enhances your sex life while not providing emotional satisfaction is a sex toy. That's not a derogatory statement, it's just the fact of the matter. What you have so far described is another human being allowed to participate only if they are an accessory to sexual satisfaction that carries with it no romantic connotations. If you want to clarify on your earlier statement and provide nuance where it lacked, you are entirely free to do so, but I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth, just putting descriptions to the words coming out.

You are interpreting on how you think I feel about those people. You can have sex with others with no romantic feelings without seeing them as sex toys. You are free to think differently, but you are not to tell me how I should feel about them.
But let us agree to disagree and move on....

[Alexander Bodide]

19 minutes ago, JennyDK said:

@Alexander Bodide It can be a grey area with some things - I can see the interesting about handcuffs and a collar (not shock one), but to me they do not really qualify as toys.

Oh yeah, I can't believe I left out regular collars. I suppose stuff like this might be considered more "accessory" than "toy".

Okay, for strictly toys...I used to use a cheapy little silicone fleshlight type of thing. I had to buy replacements every few months because they were too small for me (stealth brag I...guess? they were really pretty small though), but the low cost made it not a problem. There were actually three different models in the series: pussy, anus, mouth. The ass one was okay but not as good as the pussy one. The mouth one was designed with an opening on the back end of it, which I think was supposed to be for "suction control", which I never quite figured out. Since the whole toy was too small, it ended up just being something I would go all the way through and....it was just a mess. So after I tried all three I just stuck with the pussy. The end.