I'm gonna buy/bail you with...

[Elena Ichinomiya]

What kind of beach in hot summer without...cold drinks!? Here you go! Take everything inside the box! Enjoy!

...

Apparently, that was bad idea. I had to pay fine for the damage around the beach all thanks to the said drinks which cause every people, tortoise and Comodo around the beach dancing all night. Anyone want to rent me? Paid me per hour, cheap!

[Cash Money Chad]

I will rent you with more cold drinks and a warm bungalow to share with me.

Oh no we have been drinking all night and we are running out of cold drinks, plus we have no food, that's important I guess. Anyway throw money at me for more things  

[KanTheKnight]

My friend..I can only offer you my homie to homie loyalty instead of gold. (And my gigantic body to help you rob people)

If anyone wants my..Other services, you know what to do. You better get creative with the offer.

[Akuja]

I hope you take payments in the form of a rap cypher solely devoted to you my friend, because that’s all I’m gonna use to pay for your.. Um… Other services…? Whatever the hell they are…. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get in touch with my lyricist to make that cypher for me. In the mean time, I challenge anyone who thinks they can buy me from a gang of rappers and hip-hop artists.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I'm gonna buy you with chunk of pavement. You gotta have your own street to rhyme on you know-yow-yow?

Actually, i don't even know where i buy that thing. So if you have time, do you mind bail me out from prison? The warden demand any kind of stuff inside the jar. Anything really.

[KanTheKnight]

Last time I bailed you out I lost everything but fuck it im gonna do it again because im loyal. I bail you out by giving him some random movie tickets I found..Buut..

Well, turns out he is a half assed asshole, and lets you go but cuffs me for apparently SMUGGLING these. Well perfect..At least I did my part. 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

What's written on that movie ticket anyway? Because i'm gonna bail you with other guy. Yeah, see that guy behind me? No? Maybe that one? *SMACK!* 

Apparently, that corny move cost me my lifetime grilled cheese service. Bail me out! I'll make you melt in return!

[Akuja]

Hol’up. Make me melt in return? And here I was about to bail you out with a can of tuna just so you can make me a delicious tuna melt! Meh, it’s whatever. I’ll still chuck it at the guard to break you out.

Welp, I may not have a tuna melt to chow down on, but I do have a sourdough bread bowl with clam chowder inside to share with anyone who buys me.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Why not? I buy you for a dollar! Or that's what i would say. Because i'm gonna buy you with a free ticket to any country! Its expire date is tomorrow though...

Speaking of which, i want to buy a microwave. I turn the old one into aquarium...yeah that. So! Buy me with food that come across your mind as you read this post! See? I'm cheap!

[Akuja]

Who the F@ck makes an aquarium out of a perfectly good microwave? Ugh!! Whatever. I guess I could just buy you with the cheapest bento lunch I could find at the nearest コンビニ。Thanks for the ticket Ichinomiya~!

Oh! While we’re at it, who’s up to purchase me for my services? We can binge watch trashy isekai anime! I recently found this show called Redo of He… Er… Actually, who’s up for JoJo? 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

You do know i need microwave to eat that bento right!?

Oh well, who knows if it can be a good alternative for popcorn while binge watching...whatever you just show me. I'm seeing rainbow! So i'm gonna buy your service with pomegranate. I don't know, i just want to say pomegranate for once, so here you go!

Where did i get that you ask? My neighbor garden...now i'm on jail for a break-in. Not cool! I deserve better jail than this! Let me out! That warden demand some drinks you can make. The bar is over there! Hold F to use it!

[Akuja]

Okay! Just calm down. I’m pressing F… I’m getting the alcohol… Using a pomegranate… Adding a rock… Shaking and stirrring… Julep strainer… Aaaaaand….. Done~! Sweet, I’m about to break you out with God knows whatever Eldritch booze horror cocktail I just concocted.

You should be thanking me, y’know. I literally had to sell my soul to make this monstrosity. Seriously, someone bail me out of this nightmare. The drugs are kicking in and I think I got a bad h!gh...

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Fine, i bail you out with a laser jet ink. But i'm gonna throw you to asylum after that. Agree?

By the way, don't you realize you were bailed out by your inmates beside you? Come on! Don't be such ingrate! The warden said they want something that enter your mouth last time no matter what is that. In return, i'll be your nurse on the asylum where i thrown you. Cheap!

[IsabellaRose]

I'm going to buy Nurse Elena's services with a crate of premium vodka.

Now who's going to buy me?

[BenHawkinsLivesHere]

I’ll buy Missie fizzy Izzy with 450 tubes of edible glitter

…and because she’s Izzy…and she is extra special I’ll throw in the bacon flavored icing that comes with it

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I want that. I'm gonna buy you and that glitter with a custom content. Whatever that mean.

So let's start from the beginning. Who want to buy me at full price? It doesn't cost much if you bring something nice!

[Akuja]

Can’t help but notice the Waffle Time thingy on your profile. That said, why don’t I buy you with several bottles of maple syrup that came straight outta Canada. さあ〜、美味しいワッフルを楽しみましょう！

And now I am being held at in prison at the Canadian border. Someone do me a solid and break be out of here, eh? 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

So i bail you out with a molasses beside this prison. They said just take it, nobody use it. Who knows what those warden do with those. Not for sticking back their...uhh...i stop there. Just get out!

So i'm being fabulous and try to Vlog this prison...and end up locked there for real for trespassing. Anyone? Bail me out please? I subscribe to you after that!

[Akuja]

Don't think I can bail you out, but I can buy your freedom and you with a custom Vtuber model made just for you. Just don't ask why it's constantly in a Jack-O pose, m'kay~

Now I totally wasn't taking secret photos of people doing the Jack-O pose, but apparently that's what I'm being charged for. Someone help a brother out? I got some sweet pics I took before I was arrested.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

You do know people these days got offended by a panting dog and what you just did make big boss upstairs very unhappy! But nevermind that. Let me bail you with these yellowed computer screen. Who knows the warden is such a tech gravy savvy? Anyway, the vtuber model you give me...

is that pp?

Let me tell you, i don't have anything to sell. I'm already billionaire but still itching to sell something but no stuff left to sell! Unless you want to buy me that is. Go on, grab it before i put myself on black market auction!

[IsabellaRose]

I want to buy you with everything in my safe deposit box... you'll have to imagine what's in there.

But of course, there might be some things in there that were maybe not acquired entirely legally... so now I'm in jail. Who's going to get me out?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Honestly i want to let you remain in jail after what i see inside that safebox. Seriously, i can't even describe what the hell is that stuff in that safebox. Before i interrogate you about that singing bottle inside the safebox you give me, i'm gonna bail you out by paying the warden with a voodoo doll. I made that myself. Not very effective.

Turn out, it is effective. The warden got so angry as he got himself cursed with...god forbid, i can't even tell what kind of curse was that. Bail me out with anything! Just get rid of me from this prison! This place is below my standard!

[IsabellaRose]

I'd move you to a high class prison... but then bail you out with the contents of the safe hidden below the floorboards of my bedroom. Shh. Don't tell anyone it's there.

 

But now I'm in jail, because they found all the marked bills. Who's going to bail me out? 

[Akuja]

I don’t think I’m indebted to you, but I’ll just say I am just because you’re one of the few badass mothafuckin’ G.O.A.T.s that I know of. That said, the warden was more than happy to take some badass mothafuckin’ goat’s milk and cheese in exchange for your freedom. 

Now that definitely wasn’t me robbing a semi-truck transporting those things, but I’d appreciate it if someone bailed me out of prison. 

[Elena Ichinomiya]

That semi-truck you mention was MY truck! Thanks to you i had to delay moving to my new home! Tell you what? I'm gonna bail you with a dried peanuts and fruits. That warden might on diet or a beaver, who knows. Now get out!

Guess who's on prison now? Me! They arrest me for talking too much while negotiating bail for the person above me. How is that a crime!? They said my bail worth cheap at least. Bail me out already!