General Discussion

[DreamsnThings]

So how are people on the ttrpg side of erps? Life is calming down marginally and i wanted to poke people over here<3

[IsabellaRose]

I'm generating ideas again, so that's something. But the writing is still just not coming like I want. I've never had anything hit my ability to write like this has. Usually ideas come and words flow. My head is just not where it usually is. I honestly have no idea what's happening in my brain these days.

[Warning]

To be honest, we all have days like this, at one time or another. I've had periods where I just didn't know what to write anymore. It took a while to get ideas back or to write in a way like I wanted to. Maybe it's a temporary mindblock? I hope you will find your ability again soon. Last I remember, you had an impressive writing skill. :)

[AsBloodTurnsEverCold]

Hope things come back to you Isabella. It sucks when you want to write but nothing comes.  I've been there and it was stressing I had to force it until it clicked again. Pulling for you. 
On my end things have been lackluster to bad but its looking up. 

[WritesNaughtyStories]

16 hours ago, IsabellaRose said:

I'm generating ideas again, so that's something. But the writing is still just not coming like I want. I've never had anything hit my ability to write like this has. Usually ideas come and words flow. My head is just not where it usually is. I honestly have no idea what's happening in my brain these days.

I'm in a similar place and I think it may be the slow, constant ache of our current social collapse.

[IsabellaRose]

3 minutes ago, WritesNaughtyStories said:

I think it may be the slow, constant ache of our current social collapse.

It's just everything. Literally everything. My job, all the crap about my mother, my fucked up family, my relationship being up in the air, the world in general, watching people be gleeful about hurting others, everything combining to make me wish I could escape this timeline and find the alternate one where society actually prizes humanity and empathy and we collectively to lift each other up instead of what I see all around me now. 

I'm trying so hard to not give up in the face of everything falling apart all around me. It's really hard. I know I'm strong, but everyone has limits. I'm running out of steam. I try to be kind like I always am to everyone, my coworkers, my neighbors, everyone I interact with during my day, but every interaction just brings a tear to my eye and puts me on the verge of total emotional collapse. It's exhausting trying to be a positive light in a world of darkness.

Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering when the end will come, if it will be sudden or a long, slow, lingering time of suffering, and I am certain it will be the latter. I don't know if I'm built for that kind of suffering. But I try every day to get up and be the smile someone needs, the kind words that might lift someone else out of despair, and none of the people I interact with know my own inner misery and melancholy. I spit it out in words like this on some anonymous website, but in reality, people probably hate how positive and happy I appear in my everyday life. You'd never recognize me in the real world. I want to project hope and positivity, support and love and caring, all the things I believe makes humans good, when what I really feel is wretched gloom and hopelessness. Is that a the kind of lie that isn't so bad if it helps someone else?

I don't even know why I'm writing this all out in a public forum. I should probably delete all these words and just post something short and snarky, maybe a little sexy, let everyone see the me I've carefully crafted here, the curated Izzy, the one who always says something fun, funny, or flirty. But I'm falling apart right along with the rest of the world, and at least here, anonymously, I can be honest.

I am hurting. Not just personally, but yes, that, too. But I am hurting for the possibility that we could have risen above our pettiness, our selfishness, our fear of anything "other". I hurt for the victimized as well as the dupes who hate what they don't know. I hurt for the disenfranchised, but also for the blindness of the ones who were taken for a ride, for that self-aware moment they may one day have that their hatred was weaponized against their neighbors, friends, family, against the very people who would have loved them unconditionally. I hurt for our failed society. I hurt for our failed humanity. I hurt for what we've become when I know what we could have been.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not enough to make a difference to the people I love. I wish I were stronger. I wish those of you who need it could be right here so I could hug you and share a meal and conversation with you, be the human you need and by doing so, make my own heart that much larger for containing you, too. I wish I could be that person for everyone who needs it. But instead I'm hiding in my house, afraid to be who I really am, afraid of the consequences of being "other" so I keep pretending to be what they want me to be, because it keeps money coming into my bank account, keeps this roof over my head, food on my table, savings in an account so one day I can hopefully quit that job and stop pretending. But that day may never come.

Living in a failing empire is only fun for the ones on top, and none of us are those ones. We'll all be crushed sooner or later in the name of profit, in the name of progress, in the name of whatever new label they create for the exploitation of everyone else for their benefit. 

I hope you can find some peace during these dark days. I hope you have someone to love, someone to hold, someone to talk to. I am surrounded by people most days and have never felt so alone. They say you can only see the stars once it gets truly dark, but that's little consolation to me right now in this rapidly descending dusk.

Oh, and um. Here's something sad and sexy, because it's still me.

A lonely, lovely young woman, discovered to be the artificial creation that she is. She only wanted to love and be loved, but instead she was alone.

[WritesNaughtyStories]

On 16/05/2026 at 16:24, IsabellaRose said:

Is that a the kind of lie that isn't so bad if it helps someone else?

No but it becomes a horror if it consumes you and the want for light is extinguished as well.

Would that I could gather so many of our virtual friends for dinner - vegan okay for everyone?