I'm gonna buy/bail you with...

[Akuja]

It’s no problemo. Imma just break you out with a good lawyer. Yeah. You heard me right. I’m breaking you out of prison. Turns out this lawyer is just really good at both breaking people out of prison and representing his clients in court. 

Of course, he wasn’t cheap what with all the legal fees, the commission fees, and breakout fees… That said, I’m selling myself to earn some quick bucks.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Wow, you don't bring lawyer to bail them out; you GIVE them instead. What a good lad!

Tell you what, i'm gonna buy you with this Lawyer Badge. Not sure who own it but its enough to shake off some discount...in black market if you're into that kind of deal.

But do you know how it cost? Much. So here i am being sold at black market. No shipping fees included! Buy me NOW!

[Akuja]

It isn’t enough to just buy you at the Black Market. So why not do a pro gamer move and just purchase you with the Black Market? Yeah. Didn’t see that coming, did ya? Now, all the legally questionable shit is all yours~! 

This might not sound unusual, but hear me out. I’m in jail, BUT I’m being imprisoned by the Cartels. Turns out some of their stolen crap was being sold on the Black Market.

[KanTheKnight]

I use my seduction skills (that works on almost everyone) and seduce the cartels, and just as the idiots try to get comfortable I take my greatsword out of my inventory and SLASH THEM ALL TO BITS! censored cuz 13 pg friendly post. 

To my surprise..There is one problem. I missed one, and they ended up putting both me and them in jail. Now I'm broke and imprisoned..Please free me whoever it may be

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Wow, they didn't freeze you is a miracle. Anyway, you're in luck as my bail transfer got into wrong person, namely you. What did i bail you with? Hotdog shaped drone. Don't ask me how it fly.

But it only get me this far. Who knows that hotdog drone would spray its...essence at people. Now i'm in jail serving stale soup. I won't stand for this! Bail me out!

[KanTheKnight]

Bail you out!? I got you girl! In fact..I know just the perfect way to bail you out..See all these old hag guards in front of your cell..? 

...

AMATERASU!!

Boom. They're gone. I melt down your cage as well, and I run with you to the exit.

After helping Elena to bail out and without any trace, now the problem is that I have magical debts. And I am b-b-broke!! Please someone buy me for anything worth of value.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Wow, a magic that cost you a materialistic value. Strange, that sounds like a scam deal gone banana. Anyway, maybe i can recharge you by buying you with a seashell? Hey, its an ocean currency! No one using this because this is antique!

After bailing that guy, I grow jealous as he can easily sold himself. So i'm gonna put myself on the shelf and see what people gonna offer to buy me. Anything goes! Money, stuff, bottle cap, lost jigsaw puzzle piece, anything!

[haven]

Hm…I’ll buy Elena using 3 baguettes! Everybody loves bread, right?

 

Unfortunetly, I don’t have any more money to buy bread. BUY ME! I really need bread lol

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Anything for a bread eh? Then i'm gonna buy you with 3 mysterious barrel. Think of it as kinder but for adult.

Speaking of which, do you mind buying me with those spare changes in your pocket? I ain't cheap; just on discount at the moment!

[Akuja]

Sorry. Only got nothin' but dryer lint in my pockets. But hey, I'll just fashion them into some random nation's currency and just say it's worth a million bucks when converted into US money. 

With my pockets empty, I think it's time someone fill mine because I'm poor at the moment and I got nothing else to do in this cell. That said, you can buy me from my cell, or just pull a heist and break me outta here. 

[haven]

I’d bail Akuja out with a German Shepard. Don’t ask why.

 

But hey, in the meantime, if you’re here to buy…I’m going to the highest bidder

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I'm gonna buy you with spare car key i have. Where's the car? Joke on you, find it yourself!

Sorry to say, selling a key which happen to be an armored vehicle key wasn't hot idea. They throw me to jail in my sleep along with my bed! How rude! You over there! Give that warden wake up call! I don't know, just bail me out!

[IsabellaRose]

Ill bail you out with this collection of manga... all in great condition!

But also, all stolen because there's no way I'm giving up my own! Now I'm in jail! Who's going to bail me out?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Hey warden! I'm gonna bail this genius lady over here. Does paying her off with power plant would suffice? Yeah, an actual power plant! Don't ask me how i take it to your office, i ask Duperman to take it here!

...

Or that's what i'm planning. I didn't calculate that Duperman would dump me to jail in return for the favor! Bail me out! You can get free...err...i don't know, name your wish your majesty! You'll get it free!

[IsabellaRose]

I'm not bailing you out, I'm breaking you out with a portable hole - put it on any flat surface and - voila! Instant hole! Climb right out the back wall of your jail cell!

 

...and of course they caught me and now I'm back in jail for breaking you out. Who's going to help?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I'm gonna bail you with a dubious food i made from yesterday. Those warden just wolfing it down like no tomorrow though. Don't worry, that's not scream of agony you just heard, now let's go~

...

But the cost of the ingredient to make that food is really put a hole in my wallet and piggy bank. Do you mind buying me with whatever you just grab onto seconds ago?

[Minorikawa]

Looks at the computer mouse in his hand, then hands it to the warden as it was the last thing he had grabbed.

Well, Elena is free, but without my wallet I ended up robbing a Staples store for a new computer mouse and got caught. So now I'm in need of bail!

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I don't see any problem bailing you out. You see, all i need is the lettuce salad to satisfy the warden! My butt hurt though, but hey at least you're free!

But i wasn't free from having no single penny to buy a cola. Anyone wanna buy me? Well, name you price or stuff to trade. If the price is right, i won't bite you for the first hour after purchase.

[Minorikawa]

Given the literal pain in the butt, I offer a nice, top-dollar, super comfy butt cushion to help reduce the posterior hurt.

But because of my prior crime I'm already being accused of theft! Even though I'm innocent... this time! Oh no, how will I get free? Who shall pay the bail for me?

[Elena Ichinomiya]

I'm gonna bail you with a blue cheese. It...smell bad i think. Those warden take long nap before they take a bite.

Too bad i was gutted out when try to use it for another bribe. This time they set my bail value to...any food you had previously. Hope you didn't get any banquet or else they want full buffet of it!

[Akuja]

How’s a leftover Philly cheesesteak with a side of garlic fries sound? I mean, as long as it gives the guards a food coma, those guys’ll eat just about anything. 

I should know. I actually just woke up from a nap with my cheesesteak missing and now I’m on the verge of starving. Next person to give me some delicious nom noms gets a loyal, puppy-like Akuja.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Then i'm gonna buy you affection with ready-to-fried shrimps i bought from the store. You can eat it raw or ask me nicely to cook it for you.

But what should be good time only give me hard time. People thought i promote dog-boi trade. They sent me to prison when i'm asleep! How rude! Bail me out! Don't pay those warden! Just break this stupid lock with...well anything really. Even swiping your credit card would do.

[Akuja]

All is 大丈夫 because I’ll be breaking you out with a dog-boi rights protest. Movement’s gaining a crap ton of clout with the story of how a loving dog-boi owner was imprisoned.

Now, I would be a goodest shiba boi and ask you kindly to cook my shrimp, but I got abducted while you were in jail. 助けて…

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Well, don't worry, that coward won't resist once i bail you out with waffle maker powered by sunlight...they need full 8 hour recharge though since its cheap edition which mean they gonna have their breakfast as lunch.

Anyway! I stole that project from Area 51. So they put me in with some alien looking fellow in this prison. So, anyone mind blasting this cell door so i can get out? I'll pay the damage later!

[Minorikawa]

I don't have the capability to blast with my mind, but I do have this very convenient compound that can melt through the bars. Unfortunately, the fumes were so strong that it caused me to pass out, so now I am imprisoned with your alien companion in your stead.

Only now I'm tied up.

So, uh... maybe some Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible action to get me outta here?