What is your advice on how to avoid sounding like a creepy perv when meeting new roleplay partners?

[Mini Magi]

ED seems to believe in creative freedom for your writing, and that includes getting to write your sex scenes no matter how kinky and weird they are... so long as they don't violate the ToS or law, which is fair! Unfortunately, any site that allows freedom of sexual content attracts the t r u e c r e e p as well. We all eventually figure out how to spot those people of course, but many roleplayers (especially new ones) can still ACCIDENTALLY come off as a creep in their interest checks, partner requests, E-texts, and even in casual out of character conversations. They just don't realize their language or behavior is inappropriate.

If you're one of those roleplayers that write sexual content, please participate in this topic to help teach where the creep factor starts to come in!

I HAVE A FEW STARTER QUESTIONS HERE, but if you have anything else to add, please do!

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

SPECIAL NOTES: This topic is absolutely going to draw on personal experiences. Make sure you don't name any names, or call someone on ED out. The goal is to try teach each other and learn, so please keep it polite!

 

-Edit-

My post got onto the ED homepage, so WOOOOOOOO!

[Starcry]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?:

Personally? Nothing throws up red flags unless they use super aggressive language and refer to the characters as "You and me" instead of "Your character and my character." I really don't like it when people confuse reality with fantasy and that is what seriously creeps me out.  (No offence to those who prefer first person.)

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

The obvious one is being greeted with "HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HAVING MY MASSIVE HORNY COCK BEING SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT!?" Or being told that they are super horny and want to play with you.  No I don't want to know that you are fiddling with yourself while we write. Keep that stuff to yourself please. If you like my posts - great. But I seriously don't want to know that you took so long to reply because you kept cranking one out. 

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

"Hello there,

I read your preferences and we seem to tick the same boxes so I was wondering if you'd consider writing with me? 

Thank you for your time,"

 

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Nothing really. I guess people going on about how horny they are and won't shut up about it?  

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Playful non-serious flirting is ok but full on flirting that makes it clear that they are interested or are coming onto you then that is a no.

 

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I guess not setting clear boundaries of what is acceptable and not commutating that they are making you feel uncomfortable. 

 

 

 

[Somethingsomething]

What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

I don't think I have a creep red flag to be honest I guess there are some people I would not necessarily roleplay with due to how they write or due to what kinks they have but none of that makes them creepy to me, just uninteresting.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

I absolutely agree with @Starcry, I am really weirded out by people addressing the characters we're going to play as you and me. I mean some people might not have a problem with that but I will always let my partner know that I do not like that. At all. There might be other things that can make me feel uncomfortable (dependent on how the topic is approached), like specific kinks that I do not want to participate in.

What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

I guess just the way you would start any other conversation: Say hi, tell your potential new partner why you would be interested in roleplaying with them, maybe why you decided to write them and ask them whether they'd be interested.

Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

I am not a fan of that but I mean if both people like it.. why not?

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out.

Just right away let your partner know if you feel uncomfortable with something they say.

 

 

 

Ps.:

5 hours ago, Starcry said:

"HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HAVING MY MASSIVE HORNY COCK BEING SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT!?"

Lovely. Another gem: "You're hot, I've heard that German girls give good blowjobs!" Umm. First off I doubt that you know how I look so you can't possibly judge whether you find me attractive or not and also: I do not think that giving good blowjobs is a trait that is connected to where you're coming from. If I am wrong and there are scientific studies on that topic, let me know.

[Mini Magi]

Fukkit! I wanna have a go too after all!

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
Writing in first person in some specific plots. I know that some people just prefer it as a style and I am not shaming anyone who wants to write in first person. But there are some modern plots that in my opinion look like they want to write as themselves, and that dancing between self-insert and fiction unnerves me.
-Edit-
Oh! And also when they are asking for a specific gender to write with them, like "Only writing with females". The gender of my partner is irrelevant, and so is my own since all that does happen happens in writing. It makes me feel like there are either ulterior motives or sexism, and I am NOT touching either of those with a 10 foot pole.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
A lack of "class". There are certain ways to word things very wrongly. I dunno. Maybe I just have a stick in my butt, but when someone tells me that they are horny from either my or their writing, I'm slowly but surely getting outta there.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
With a healthy attitude and some humor. People like to laugh, so if you can make them smile with an honest compliment or a funny remark, that's a good icebreaker. One I am a bit proud of was "I've been debating if I should even try since you seem more interesting than me and probably already got your plate full, BUT I figured that at the end of the day the worst things you can say are "no", "no thanks", or "fuck no!", so here we go!" I also treat writers who caught my interest with respect. Not only because there is a person at the other end of the monitor, but because that person has spent a lot of time to get their writing to this level. Skill deserves respect!

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
Being unable or unwilling to tell/accept the difference between a lolicon and a pedophile. Because... Because! (Dramatic pose here.) I'm a lolicon! Shocking, I know, but put short: Being a lolicon means you lewd drawn media, such as anime characters and 3D models (Think RWBY art style). Most lolicons can be left to their own devices since in my opinion since... well you aren't hurting anyone. Artworks don't have feelings, rights, or careers. In short: They are not real. Similar to actual porn, it is adult content made by adults. No one (except underpaid artists) are getting hurt or damaged by those. 
Being a pedophile means you want to lewd actual kids, and I dare say we don't have to lose another word on that one. Hence why the word Pedophile instead of Lolicon is bothering me this much. Who would want to be associated with that kind of shit people? That being said, I understand of course where the connection comes from, and some people might be both. But they are not the same. Lolicons I know would rat out pedophiles without a warning (I love every single one of them for that alone), and that is the hill I choose to die on.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
I don't mind the attention, and if I give honest compliments, the last thing I will do is not welcome any compliments coming my way~ So yeah. So long as it doesn't become serious, why not?

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
Last time this happened was quite a bit ago, and it's not easy to pinpoint how to prevent that. Probably wouldn't hurt poking their side about what irks me. Other than that: This thread, probably. It is a great collection of what to do and what to do not. 

[aLittleCrow]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
... I don't think they exist. Probably because I'm (usually) of the mindset that 'you can't jusdge a book by its cover'. Wait, no, I just though up of one - using pictures of real-life people, or occasionally even using them as characters.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
Anything that revolves around my personal self - what I look like, where I live, how I dress, etc. Or anything that revolves around their presonal self - for instance, how they enjoyed masturbating to my writing or my character. Ew. I mean - sure, you do you, but... ew. I don't need you to tell me exactly where you like to touch yourself, what's the exact pressure you like to squeeze yourself, or what toys you enjoy the most.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
As weird as it sounds - be awkward. Just write the introductory message the way you would be trying to greet some guy/girl at a party that a friend of yours said is pretty cool and wanted to introduce you both, but something else caught their attention. Don't write your approach as though you were beginning a roleplay, since it kind of feels that you're trying to forcefully make me participate in a story that I have no clue about.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
For some reason, it might be the existance of only a single line in their preference sheet. I kind of get the feeling that the other person behind the screen might not be serious about writing the story and is here just for the smut to get off. I mean, that's fine, but... it does influence the way I choose my partners.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Eeh. Maybe? If I knew what it was and how to properly do it, the answer might be yes though. But only as long as it's clear that it'll stay online and won't move to IRL stuff.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
Them starting to give off the vibes of immense care or worry about my personal self. Honestly... I might have been the problem person in question myself a couple of times.

[IsabellaRose]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
I don't have a specific creep red flag, but the way things are worded can have an effect on how interested I am. 

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
I'll agree with most everyone else here - mistaking me for my characters. I play a variety of kinks and interests, some that align with my real life interests, many that do not. Also, that whole "I want to fuck you" mentality. No, you don't. You might think you do. I may even go out of my way to make you think you do. But you don't. You don't know me. I don't know you.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
Just be honest. Say hi, tell me you're interested in a roleplay. Give me an idea of what made you pick me... was it something I wrote? My preferences? Give me something to go on.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?
First person writing. I do it in some writing by myself, but almost never in a roleplay - it help separate me from my character. Also, taking the roleplay in a direction that we didn't discuss that is called out hard in my offs. Oh, and I'm not a fan of my partner controlling the entire world while I play just one character. If I want to do that, I'll play D&D. I like shared world building, where we create the world together and when my partner states something as true I just run with it as part of the world, then when I state something they just accept it as true and run with it.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Probably not. I tend to be flirty. It's a trait of mine for better or worse. It's probably the dumbest thing I do though, because it encourages the kind of things that end up creeping me out if taken the wrong way. Like a little flirting turning into messages out of nowhere like, "I want to choke you on my cock and make you my little slut." I mean, I think I inadvertently encourage that with increasing flirtation, but it's definitely not something I'm fishing for, and really doesn't make things here any more enjoyable for me.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?
It can be as simple as crossing a line I may have forgotten to draw in the sand. Usually it's crossing the line from character to real life. The best way to avoid it is the keep the kink in the roleplay and don't let it overflow to the writers.

[Aura]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

I don't like to think that any particular thing in somebody's interests can really label them as a "creep," per se. But if I find somebody is a little too fixated on one particular kink, it can be a bit of a turn off. In general, though, if somebody is unusually adamant about only roleplaying with someone of a certain sex/gender (not characters of that sex/gender, but roleplayers of that sex/gender), I find that to be a huge eyebrow raiser. If you're really only interested in roleplay, in my mind it shouldn't matter what the person behind the screen is like. And in my experiences, after going through several years of pretending to be a girl online to appease people like this (not the proudest era of my life), I've found that probably 90% of the time these people were older (30-40 year old) men trying to groom me (I usually presented myself as 16-17). That's become a huge red flag now.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

"Do you wanna see my cock?" "Am I turning you on?" "What do you look like?" anytime they try too hard to make things personal... No, I don't want your nudes, and no, I'm definitely not sending you anything about myself.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

If you don't have dubious intentions, just don't even bother thinking about it, really. You're not going to come off as creepy approaching somebody for sexual roleplay on a website about sexual roleplay. Make your intentions clear upfront. "I really like the pictures you upload or stories you write and was wondering if you'd like to roleplay?" Even the irl, personal things might be fine, honestly, as long as you're upfront about that, too. But I strongly discourage trying to seek that level of personal contact on a website like this. If you're looking for that, you're much better off seeking people irl. It may be a bigger risk, but you get so much more out of it and learn a lot more about yourself in the process! Step out of your comfort zone!

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Attempts to justify villainous acts. If we're playing a scene where your character is raping my character, your character is the villain. Whenever I write a rapist and/or sex trafficker, I usually make them out to be either some pathetic virgin or cruel tyrant with too much power. Never, ever, ever is the action justified. It's either "I know it's wrong but I'm desperate to get off," or "I know it's wrong, but who's gonna stop me?" If you write the story in such a way that tries to paint a rapist as a victim of their victim, then it's not something I can get behind. 

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

It depends on the scenario. Like I said before, make your intentions clear from the start. And make sure to separate roleplay from irl. I know some people like to do self-insert roleplay, but even then at the end of the day, roleplay is roleplay and irl is irl. It's dangerous to cross those lines. I like playing rape victims in roleplay. That doesn't mean I'm turned on by the idea of you coming to my house and actually kidnapping me. Honestly, if you think being able to write a good sex scene makes you some sort of sex god, you're probably not as good at sex as you think you are.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

It would probably start with trying to make things too personal. It's one thing if you want to get to know me better, but don't go from 0 to 10 the moment I start being friendly with you. If you feel like you have to force a particular response from them, it's probably not going to come naturally. Often times, though, behavior only really starts to creep you out in hindsight. Case and point, my groomer RP partners from my past as a "girl." At the time, it wasn't weird to me because I was a minor, I just thought it was exciting. But as an adult, I can't believe how comfortable these men were speaking with a 16 year-old girl the way they were...

========================

There may be other points I forgot to cover here, but in general, I personally really hate when people try to cross roleplay with real life. Obviously, I'm fine if you want to have a roleplay set in real life, but don't expect my character to represent me in any way shape or form. Thankfully, since being open about being a guy, I've found people don't seem to do that as much with me anymore. Unfortunately, that seems to imply that it's something women will always have to deal with unless they pretend to be men. Please just remember to separate fact from fiction.

[Warning]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

The only thing that really bothers me whenever someone asks me for roleplay or requests roleplay with me is the way they might formulate their request toward my PFP character (Lolifox). I rarely roleplay with her to begin with and while I don't mind doing so, the requests that seem to personally asks for sex with her are maybe the worst of them. Even if we don't speak where I'm directly involved, if you have to ask someone to roleplay with you or you make a request for someone to do so, it's better to put characters and ideas with them in priority. Let's add the people who specifically demand a gender (of roleplayer, not character) when all that matters here should be the character you follow the story of, unless you put yourself in the story and this is just as weird... At least this part is to me.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

For this part? Any questions that may involve me personally. Look, age, you know what I mean. We are here to roleplay, not on a dating site so when things become personal then I feel like this may become a little too uncomfortable, especially when I, for myself, seek to build new stories with characters, not display myself to someone else. I am usually not uncomfortable about questions on the characters themselves unless they try to push something I dislike on me or they try to involve me directly into their fantasy but this never happened so far, thankfully. There are many ways to word things out to make things awkward.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

I suppose my first advice would be to search about your partner's tastes first of all, if that is an option. If it isn't then perhaps their profile may give a hint of what they like. Don't be a stalker about it but just try to find an idea of what you're getting into. If none of that is possible, turn things around and be the one to offer suggestion but do not be too upfront on the more juicy details. You do not want to scare them away. Greet them and ask them if they'd like to roleplay, starting gently and appropriately as much as possible. By example, if I was asking someone who I do not know anything about, I'd probably tell them that I like to use furry characters but I can use humans too. (As it is important to mention since characters are the core of the story). By presenting the kind of characters you like, you may find a common interest. Then perhaps try to dig for a theme you may both commonly like, too. Slowly and steady wins the race. At all costs, avoid looking like you're corrupted by lust and you just want characters to have sex, I guess...?

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Tough question. Actually, one thing that bothers me a lot that I had to deal with lately is when people who are supposed to work as a team to write a good story, do not actually work together but against each others. When people start doing things that are out of characters for no other purposes than to be random, effectively ruining the story for their partner. Well, I am sure it's a "common" thing to be bothered by but maybe some people don't mind out of character randomness as much as I do. I can't stress enough that communication is very important and that partners should work together for successful writing.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

I am not sure what you mean there. (I actually had to check on other answers to get an idea of what to answer), I am still confused. But I do not think anyone ever tried to flirt with me personally. I am not really here for that, understandably. Anything within the story should be happening within the realm of the story without any OoC happening there, especially targeting the roleplayer with flirting romance of some sort. If you mean that the partner tries to flirt outside of the story with you then I'd say... big depends. I don't like mixing real life stuff with online and I prefer to avoid it as much as possible unless it's innocent playing/joking.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I do not think "Creepying me out after a long while" ever happened to me so far but people can change, I guess. If you know them since a long time, perhaps the best is, again, communication. Try and talk with them about it. Usually, long time partners developed some form of bond and if they respect you, they will listen and possibly correct themselves. It is important that partners communicate and understand how far and the limit of what they can do and say. Maybe they don't realize it? (Depending on how subtle or not it is) so maybe talk about it with them and if they changed so much that it feels normal to them then maybe it is ultimately the time to divide if it makes you uncomfortable to be or roleplay with them. I only lived this once in real life, I suppose. All I could do was run and not look back. I am not saying this is sound advice but well, depending on how bad it is, try and make your partner understand why it makes you feel uneasy then judge from there if the situation can be improved.

[Aura]

8 hours ago, Seraphina said:

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

The only thing that really bothers me whenever someone asks me for roleplay or requests roleplay with me is the way they might formulate their request toward my PFP character (Lolifox). I rarely roleplay with her to begin with and while I don't mind doing so, the requests that seem to personally asks for sex with her are maybe the worst of them. Even if we don't speak where I'm directly involved, if you have to ask someone to roleplay with you or you make a request for someone to do so, it's better to put characters and ideas with them in priority. Let's add the people who specifically demand a gender (of roleplayer, not character) when all that matters here should be the character you follow the story of, unless you put yourself in the story and this is just as weird... At least this part is to me.

Reading through this response reminds me of a very important point I forgot to cover in my own response!

People who act self-serving immediately set off all sorts of red flags. All kinds of people jump immediately into roleplay or have absolutely no interest in discussing your own interests. They're just after one thing and one thing only: To get off. Quite frankly, I find it incredibly rude to just disregard my own interests. I don't roleplay as a public service, I roleplay for fun. I'm not a whore or a clown. My purpose is not to entertain you or stroke your ego. If you're not even going to make an effort to make it fun for me as well, I'm not even going to make an effort to respond.

So many people seem to think that I'm just gonna cater to their will at the mere promise of sex as if they aren't totally replaceable if that's all they're going to offer me.

[IsabellaRose]

52 minutes ago, Aura said:

People who act self-serving immediately set off all sorts of red flags. All kinds of people jump immediately into roleplay or have absolutely no interest in discussing your own interests. They're just after one thing and one thing only: To get off. Quite frankly, I find it incredibly rude to just disregard my own interests. I don't roleplay as a public service, I roleplay for fun. I'm not a whore or a clown. My purpose is not to entertain you or stroke your ego. If you're not even going to make an effort to make it fun for me as well, I'm not even going to make an effort to respond.

So many people seem to think that I'm just gonna cater to their will at the mere promise of sex as if they aren't totally replaceable if that's all they're going to offer me.

This! So much this. 

An interest check or rp idea where the persons says "you can be X or Y" with two very limited options as if that's the only character I can play. I enjoy limits placed on me during roleplay. They challenge me to be creative. But when it's obvious that this is a VERY specific scenario with VERY limited options for me because I'm just filling a role in a predetermined fantasy... yeah. THAT feels creepy. I'm not a placeholder for your weird fantasies. I'm not here to get you off. If that happens to be a side effect of a mutually enjoyable roleplay, good for you, but that's not my purpose in roleplay. I'm not here to fill in for that girl you can't talk and have weird sex fantasies about. 

I definitely get an icky creepy feeling when the whole scenario feels like it's about a specific person, someone they really know. I start to worry about some poor real life girl who has some creepy dude drooling over her from afar and fantasizing about her so much he wants to play it out with me in a roleplay. Yuck.

[Alexander Bodide]

Since I'm a guy who roleplays as male characters, I'm going to forego the question prompts because...I just don't think most of them apply to me. As a guy my experience on RP communities is different and I don't find myself being approached by creeps. Actually, I'm rarely approached by anyone at all -- 99% of the time it's me doing the approaching. I assume that's because women or at least people playing female characters generally have their hands full with being approached by guys? Which is kind of funny in how it seems to reflect "traditional" courtship practices.

But I think I've just touched on where most of the problems seem to stem. Some people, either consciously or not, seem to come into this with the mindset of courting a mate. Roleplay and cybersex are two different things, and I don't think everyone understands that. So my first advice for not coming off as a creep is realize that difference and approach people as potential writing collaborators instead of as potential mates. I feel like the root of this problem is just coming into the community with the wrong perception and intention to begin with.

That said, I don't think it's a problem if people mutually want to take a "cybersex" approach to things, but only if all parties have clearly agreed to it --  it's something that should be approached very carefully and respectfully, and certainly not forced.

If I can sort of vent for a moment, it's frustrating to me that people with poor sense of boundaries have spoiled first-person writing for a lot of you, understandable as it is. I prefer first-person as a stylistic choice and particularly I love that I can use it to have my narration double as the character's thoughts. I can adapt to third-person and I often do so, but it does affect the way I write. Similarly I do enjoy playing self-insert characters (not exclusively, but often enough), mostly as a crutch for me to have an easier time writing the character. I don't think character writing is my strong suit so it takes some of that burden off of me if I can largely base my character on myself. I do not view it as "us" having "sex" or anything.

What I do dislike is when people think my RP kinks reflect my real life kinks and treat me differently for it. "Ew, you like rape/incest/loli/etc?" Yeah, I do...in roleplay. I can tell the difference between fiction and reality, can you? Just because I enjoy writing fiction about these things and yes, even find them arousing in fiction, does not mean that I find it arousing to think of these things happening in real life. Fortunately I don't run into this often, but it's unimaginably dumb to me to refuse someone or otherwise make a judgment about them based on their kinks, especially if they understand what kinks you don't share and aren't trying to bring them into your roleplay.

TL;DR: It sucks that a few bad apples make it harder for genuine roleplayers.

[Teppo]

On 23/03/2021 at 11:24, Alexander Bodide said:

Since I'm a guy who roleplays as male characters, I'm going to forego the question prompts because...I just don't think most of them apply to me. As a guy my experience on RP communities is different and I don't find myself being approached by creeps. Actually, I'm rarely approached by anyone at all -- 99% of the time it's me doing the approaching. I assume that's because women or at least people playing female characters generally have their hands full with being approached by guys? Which is kind of funny in how it seems to reflect "traditional" courtship practices.

But I think I've just touched on where most of the problems seem to stem. Some people, either consciously or not, seem to come into this with the mindset of courting a mate. Roleplay and cybersex are two different things, and I don't think everyone understands that. So my first advice for not coming off as a creep is realize that difference and approach people as potential writing collaborators instead of as potential mates. I feel like the root of this problem is just coming into the community with the wrong perception and intention to begin with.

That said, I don't think it's a problem if people mutually want to take a "cybersex" approach to things, but only if all parties have clearly agreed to it --  it's something that should be approached very carefully and respectfully, and certainly not forced.

If I can sort of vent for a moment, it's frustrating to me that people with poor sense of boundaries have spoiled first-person writing for a lot of you, understandable as it is. I prefer first-person as a stylistic choice and particularly I love that I can use it to have my narration double as the character's thoughts. I can adapt to third-person and I often do so, but it does affect the way I write. Similarly I do enjoy playing self-insert characters (not exclusively, but often enough), mostly as a crutch for me to have an easier time writing the character. I don't think character writing is my strong suit so it takes some of that burden off of me if I can largely base my character on myself. I do not view it as "us" having "sex" or anything.

What I do dislike is when people think my RP kinks reflect my real life kinks and treat me differently for it. "Ew, you like rape/incest/loli/etc?" Yeah, I do...in roleplay. I can tell the difference between fiction and reality, can you? Just because I enjoy writing fiction about these things and yes, even find them arousing in fiction, does not mean that I find it arousing to think of these things happening in real life. Fortunately I don't run into this often, but it's unimaginably dumb to me to refuse someone or otherwise make a judgment about them based on their kinks, especially if they understand what kinks you don't share and aren't trying to bring them into your roleplay.

TL;DR: It sucks that a few bad apples make it harder for genuine roleplayers.

 

As a fellow Male that roleplays Female Characters, is there a name for us? xD 

And I just wanted to agree and reiterate that fact that what people like in Roleplays and IRL are completely different.  Half the kinks in my preference sheet are just pure fun to roleplay, but if I were to witness in Real Life would be infuriating or just plain sickening.  So I guess I'm saying don't judge people by their RP Preferences.


- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Like most others have pointed out, someone that wants to roleplay with someone of a specific gender.  It's a real bummer.  It really shouldn't matter what the roleplayer's gender is, only what their character's gender is.  Something that makes me give people a WIDE berth are those people who seem to have molded their RP around their character being the center of the universe.  Talking about how villains can't escape them because they're just so awesome.  I might not be playing the villain but that's just plain boring.  I like a world that exists on its own and our character's are existing in this world.


- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Haven't really come across this issue, but I guess if something were to bother me, it would be someone that has a tenuous grasp on reality and begins to confuse me for my character.


- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Honestly, I don't think should be too much of an issue.  An Ecchi RP isn't really that different from any regular RP.  If your goal is to develop a story that's fun for both of you and you think the other person would be fun to do it with, then just approach it how you'd approach a regular RP.  If you're not trying to be a creep, I don't think you'll come across as creepy.  But if you're really struggling, if for some reason you think you sound like a creep, asking is as simple as saying, "Hey, I see we share some kinks.  Would you be interested in making an RP with me?"  And then maybe go on to say what it is that you're looking for.


- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Yes.  But it depends on whether or not you can be respectful.  In a sense, flirting is a bit like paying a compliment to another person.  There's nothing wrong with that....as long as you understand that sometimes flirting can make someone uncomfortable.  If you can respect that and stop when politely asked, then there shouldn't be an issue.


- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I mean, as with anything, communication is super important.  Talk to your partner before you take any drastic action or assume anything.  Maybe they took something the wrong way, thinking that you were showing interest in them personally.  Maybe they were just a creep all along and thought if they developed rapport with you first that you'd be more willing to go along with things.  Either way, the best way to determine this is just to simply talk to them.  If it's a misunderstanding, it can be worked out before you lose a valuable partner.


One last thing I'd like to say: I don't think its inherently a bad thing that some Roleplayers come here to primarily Roleplay the smutty stuff.  I mean, on a personal level, there's a reason I chose to come to EcchiDreams over dozens of other RP sites:  I wanna roleplay the sexy stuff.  Sometimes I want a bit more story, other times I want more focus on sexy times.  Maybe I'm just a bit different, but I find the smut to be just as fun and exciting to play as combat, exploration or adventure.  In the end I think its the RPer that decides it.  You can have two Roleplayers focusing on the same thing and have completely different results.

Because quite honestly, when you're writing sex scenes, they are fundamentally all the same: Insert Tab A into Slot B, repeat until completion.  For me at least, what makes those scenes really good is the stuff building up to and around it.  Otherwise it gets boring pretty fast.

Alright.  I'm done.  I got to say my piece.  xP

[Alexander Bodide]

5 hours ago, Teppo said:

As a fellow Male that roleplays Female Characters, is there a name for us? xD

I think you misread me; I'm just a guy who roleplays as guy characters. :p When I said my experience was different, I meant compared to everyone else posting in this thread.

[Teppo]

1 hour ago, Alexander Bodide said:

I think you misread me; I'm just a guy who roleplays as guy characters. When I said my experience was different, I meant compared to everyone else posting in this thread.

Oooops, my bad xP

[Elena Ichinomiya]

On 20/03/2021 at 11:11, Lusterless Nova said:

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

1. If they speak and act like discount loincloth sniffing Casanova, that's where i land the flag.
2. Something along the line of "Girl, i would love to RP with you so we can fuck each other silly while get to know each other" or "What you wearing today?"
3. Just speak like well-mannered human. Without flaunting your dick/flying pussy here and there. Seriously people, we all had one, quit making it big deal.
4. When they being far too care about someone business. That's a start of every trouble yet people seems find it as their solace without consider who they engage with.
5. Well...i would rather to have it on PM but sometime people can't help themselves. I also one of those people so i can't say much. But please be respectful.
6. The thing that start the fire probably if you're playing their games too long. In order to avoid it, just swerve the conversation back to the RP. I mean, come on, you're on RP site not a sex chat or blind date rape site. 

To be fair, not just on ERP site, don't speak like alien. Ever.

[DreamsnThings]

     Hooooo boy... this is where things will be highly split... i want to throw out a disclaimer ahead of time that anything i say here could be highly situational, and something as small as phrasing/wording could change an otherwise creepy post into mildly hot... and vise versa... and speaking personally theres also the element of my mood changing what im into which can make me see the exact post by the exact same person in a different light... with that said theres exceptions to everything i say... so keep in mind that these are my guidelines, not my rules.

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Personally haven't used the request threads much. But have used similar systems on other sites... the most common red flag i tend to see actually is when someone seems to hyper focus on one thing... even if its pretty vanilla... from personal experience posts along those lines feel like they come from someone who will push things both in and out of rp... either for you to reply faster or react a certain way... or let them do a certain thing too you...

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

whenever someone asks about having me play a particular fetish, especially the more extreme ones, regardless of its on my preference or not... personally certain fetishes should... only be explored with someone you have had experience with, and are comfortable with...

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

this may only apply to me since im slightly an exhibitionist... but personally i find that when someone approaches me by letting me know they like the way i write my rp posts in clubs, or saying they like one of the characters i publicly use, I tend to start off with a soft spot for the other person... assuming they are not weird with their wording 

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

I personally hate it when my erp partner skips or grazes over foreplay or the actual moment of insertion... those are two of the absolute BEST moments to be graphic and visceral with your descriptions and get me really invested in the E part of an erp... sex is like a novel... if we get right to the climax with no buildup, it feels shallow and lackluster... but if the journey is filled with excitement, fun, and pleasure... itll be a better read for all involved 

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

there is no real right or wrong answer here... this is one of those things where the best answer is simple "not to start" if someone is coming onto me, as a person, from their first message to me... i may not even respond... but if someone i have roleplayed with for awhile sends a couple flirts my way out of character... im not likely to mind... 

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

the worst thing you can do to me is send multiple (~3~5) messages that seem like they are just trying to grab my attention such as "hi", "hey", "hows it going" within a short time frame of each other... this quickly starts to unnerve me and possibly makes me abit hesitant to talk to you... especially if it happens multiple times withina few days, or when we dont have an active rp going...

TL:DR

Start off careful with your partner, dont make any assumptions and try to avoid sexual topics out the gate... especially the more questionable fetishes. Try to avoid catching them off guard with what you post, and if you want to keep their intrest keep your writing consistently enjoyable for every post.

Your partner is here for fun. Not to pretend to be your onahole/dildo(unless thats the rp... in that case go nuts lol). Try and keep things enjoyable for everyone involved. And remember to have fun!

[Nafarman]

-What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?
 

"Oh, I only do this or that.", "I only like this skin tone or that skin tone on my rp partner", "I only like cocks/tits this big/small"; only those? Like I am not going to judge anyone, and in some cases I guess I can understand when they prefer a certain size. However, that does give a notion that they are doing the roleplay only for the lewding aspect and nothing else. Yeah... no, I would consider that a red flag.

 

-When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

I think I am a very laid back person. No questions/comments instantly tick me off other than when people keep asking which country I am from exactly, even after I tell them my timezone.

But hmmm, about canon roleplays when people want to bend a character's true character. Like seriously, Luffy is Luffy because he is oblivious and prefers meat over the literally most beautiful woman to ever exist in that universe, Tsunade is Tsunade because she is a hotheaded prude. Why Luffy should have a fetish for smelly feet or why Tsunade should be submissive? That would just make Luffy another anime simp and Tsunade just another big titty bimbo. Imo it just shows insincerity to build up a good story.

 

-What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Keep, it, simple. I think it's unnecessary to try to charm/impress someone with wordplay, or showcase how freaky/experienced you are. Have a friendly attitude and just get to the point. For example,

"Hello there!

I came across this post of yours and it got me really interested. Maybe we could have our characters meet this way, build around this story in this and that way and progress like that?

I prefer this style of writing and already have an OC in mind who is -very short summary of the OC- and could fit well in this story. I am also down to make a new OC if you think that character wouldn't be compatible. I would love to hear from you! Thanks!"

OR,

"Hello there!

I just came across your profile/ read your preference sheet. This character of yours seemed really interesting/I can see many interests in common. Here is a list of my characters/ I have an idea themed around this mutual interest. Lemme know if you are down to discuss, I will be looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks!"

If they respond and discuss, great! If they don't, don't message repeatedly to get their attention; respect their decision of wanting to be alone and leave them alone. Just like not everybody will want to date us, not everyone will want to roleplay with us; accept it and move on.

 

-What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

I think it's me neat picking about canon characters that I mentioned. I guess it's just a pet peeve of mine. Other than that when I start to get questions like ((Are you hard? c;)), (( Are you stroking your cock for me?)) Erm... I like dirty talks and teasing, but shit I am trying to focus here so the scene actually feels erotic and not just our characters humping each other.

 

-Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

It entirely depends on the context tbh. On places like IMVU or Secondlife, yeah sure. But on platforms like ED or other roleplay only sites, I wouldn't want go beyond surface level flirting, if that makes sense.

 

-Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

Hmmm, I would say when they would start to get attached beyond just the roleplay or roleplaybuddy relationship. In person, I am not like the characters I play, and neither I am going to think my partners are. When they start confusing it, and expect same treatment from me in OOC as my characters, things start falling apart for me.

[DragonneRPG Deactivated]

My number 1 advice to not sound like a creep is: NEVER, EVER contact someone in-character. There's nothing more unpleasant than having someone go "I take off my pants and show you my dick with a wink". That's jsut a big no for me XD.

[Pixel]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Someone talking about the role play as though it affects them personally lol. It's usually easy to tell when someone can't separate role play from reality.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

I'm a pretty open guy and it's hard to make me uncomfortable, but when I say I'm not into certain things and they press I'm gone.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

NEVER approach someone in character unless they specifically ask for it. Don't open with "You wanna drain daddy's balls" or some shit like that. It's not tantalizing, it's not sexy.

Be polite. Say "Hey, I was looking over your stuff and thought maybe we could role play well, if you want to give it a shot check me out and let me know, I would be glad to toss some ideas around.".

Never lose sight of the fact that they have a choice and they should be assured that it is entirely optional, so that they know you're not going to pressure them and that you respect the fact that if they're not feeling it's no big deal.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Oh my god I've got several but I'll keep it short.

Across the various websites I've role played on there's always the type of role player to go "I'm gonna make you work for it.". Work for what, exactly, and why do I have to work for anything? Is my ultimate goal to have a frustrating role play leading up to an ero scene with your character like it's some kind of reward? But, they find partners.

OOC dirty talk, too. I've had several partners refer to me as pet names, say "This is making my pussy so wet! Can I show you? Would you really fuck me like this?" And things like that. Like, okay, I'm glad you're having a good time but for real, calm down with that. I try not to acknowledge or encourage it. Maybe I'm in the minority with that sort of standard for myself, I dunno, it must work with some people who I'm sure jump at the chance.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

I think we've all, or at least some of us, had that one role play partner that we just click really well with and have had heated conversations with out of character and these interactions generally happen naturally and snowball. I really don't think there's much wrong with flirting on it's own, but there are boundaries that need to be respected, especially if it's stated early on. If someone warms up to you if you become good friends, they'll approach you about it and may make exception, but otherwise keep it light and fun, don't go off the horny tracks after a particularly juicy role play response and talk about how bad you wish you could really stick it in their ass or something. Self control.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

This is something that also applies in real life to acquaintances or friends that you're kind to.

We trust that people will be able to gauge and know the difference between kindness and flirtation. This can get really tricky. 

I've seen plenty of sweet guys and girls who aren't used to being treated with basic human dignity and respect be shot down by someone who was just treating them like people, joking with them, etc, and because they weren't used to that kind of interaction, they mistook it for interest.

There's no real way to make it clear that you're not interested in that kind of interaction other than to just straight up say you're not interested in that kind of interaction, which isn't exactly the sort of thing to come up in regular conversation, which is where that trust in the other person's judgement I mentioned comes into play.

Maybe some men/women genuinely think they're being sexy, I don't know, I've tried to out myself in that mindset to figure it out and I literally can't, but of you've had a long time role playing partner and they suddenly start behaving in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable (That's NOOOO good) and you have no idea what you did, then there probably isn't anything that could have been done to prevent it and shouldn't have that weight put on yourself.

 

[Kitsuyumia]

-What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

too many times I get random messages that just right off the bat start with things like "Your so god damn sexy," or "I really want to fuck you so badly" I find it creepy cause 

1: it does not even hint towards roleplay at all, just sounds like they want actual real life sex.

2: Instead of referencing a character or something it sounds like they are talking about me directly.

3: I know nothing of this person (who they are, how they came across my profile, what attracted them to message me, or even what type of roleplay they have in mind). When deciding to engage  in roleplay with someone I would like to see some of this kind of introduction like talk cause it helps me feel like you actually want to roleplay.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

personal questions about my irl self or questions asking if something that is labeled as a limit of mine is actually restricted from being done in roleplay with me.

No I don't want to tell you how big my breasts are or how deep and tight my pussy is. My irl body has nothing to do with fictional roleplaying.

and yes my limits are restricted. Thats why I put them as limits.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Here is an example of how I normally approach someone.

"Hello, my name is (Insert tag name here), and I was looking to do a roleplay about (list what you wanted to do a roleplay about or even a basic plot for it). Based off of your preferences, I think you would be a good partner for this roleplay. If you are interested please let me know and if you have any questions about the roleplay you can feel free to ask me. I hope I can hear from you soon."

 

This not only gives a friendly introduction but also tells them what the rp is going to be about. Gives them knowledge oh how you came across them. And it allows them to make the decision rather than trying to force them

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

People who use that mass distributed plot list that has mediocre plot ideas with no detail described in depth. People who use this in my opinion don't have the creativity or don't allow for creativity to make the rp interesting.
- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

No, this is a roleplay website not a dating site.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

if this happens it's usually because they are overly familiar with you and think that they can do things  and that you will be okay with whatever they do just because you knowm them for a while. Always refresh your memory on what their preferences are and always ask permission first before you make a change or do somthing you arr not sure if your partner will enjoy.

[SataiRolePlayingGuy]

My sparkling personality and glowing innocence?  To be more serious, it isn’t something I really think much about in my own writing.  I just write what I’m interested in and hope someone else is too, and I can’t recall any cases off the top of my head where someone else creeped me out.

[Breakbox_Muses]

What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Several! Any flirting with me, saying "you and me" instead of our characters (ew, please don't), or talking about your IRL life (like, unrelated to the RP.

When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Asking me about my sexual preferences or kinks OOC and other things like the above. Making vague accusatory statements (like "Why did you follow x but not y?" or "So you don't like my latest post? XD"). Also, complete disregard for the topic at hand; I'm happy to chat OOC, but I'm here to roleplay! ^^ Really poorly-written OOC comments also bother me a bit, though I'm not going to be a stickler for grammar nor get my pants in a twist about typos, I do expect some level of literacy.


What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

"Hello! I saw your preferences and thought we had some things in common! Do you want to plot something?"

What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Probably literacy... I have no problems as long as I can understand what is said to me, but I appreciate detail. I dislike it when my partners don't put effort into their replies, it makes me feel as if my efforts are being wasted. RP is for fun, but I hold myself to a certain standard and would really appreciate my partners try their best!

That's nothing against people with disabilities, people who are ESL, or similar though. Like I said as long as you're trying and I know what you're saying, I'm not going to be a jerk and I'm still going to have fun!

Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

No! If we get to know each other really well then maybe joking around is fine, but that's definitely not on the table for me. I won't be mean though, I'll let whomever I'm talking to know that I'm uncomfortable with that. I think it's more annoying that people will just stop talking to you after that instead of respecting boundaries.

Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

That's happened once on F-List, a dude started talking about how I'm "to good for him" and how beautiful I must have been (I'm not a woman btw, he didn't know lol), and that I was so great and... well I ended up just saying "You're right!" and dropping contact. I hate, HATE, getting talked to that way. I don't care about your weird self deprecation fetish, just take it somewhere else. I'm here to roleplay and maybe make friends, not baby a manchild.

[WetNoodle]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

Only two things throw up red flags for me, one is people who are intolerant of other people's likes and interests, and bronies.

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

"You know that's illegal, right?" and "Around where do you live again, sir?"

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Backwards with your pants down.

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

Absolutely NOBODY drives the speed limit, I swear...

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Depends, but flirting out of partner with your character with downright despicable!

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

Drugs? Finding Jesus? ...finding Jesus with drugs?

[DoggedFellow]

- What are some things you see in interest checks or request threads that throw up the creep red flag for you?

So the answer to this is pretty simple for me. When they try to force the issue on your limits or ask you to play a character they envisioned for you to play. Don't try to monopolize my creativity, let it run free. 

- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?

Anything relating to my personal body type or if I match the roleplaying character that I am roleplaying. They are characters for a reason, please separate who I am from who I play.

- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?

Approach them kindly and make sure you're not setting a power dynamic in the relationship. Give them a safe space to back out of a conversation they don't want to have, no matter the reason. (They're too busy or they're uncomfortable with the direction of the convo)

- What are some things that bother you, but you don't think bothers other people?

When they throw ideas at me before I confirmed whether I am or am not available to roleplay. It's less that I'm irritated and more that I feel very sorry to refuse someone who went through the effort of putting together a bunch of ideas they feel strongly about.

- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?

Yup, as long as you're both consenting to it.

- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

I actually had this happen. Was a roleplaying partner with a guy and we had fun roleplaying different characters, we had massive roleplays where we both controlled 50 characters at a time. There was a moment when he kept asking me to make female characters, which fine whatever I can work that in. However, he started to really insert himself into the roleplays, like his own self into it and ask me to ERP with him as these female characters.

I don't mind ERP with guys, as a disclaimer. However, the fact that he was doing it as a self insert of himself was really creepy.
I'm not sure how it could've been avoided honestly. It just sorta sucked and I had to cut him off because he didn't want to address my concerns. It was a pretty epic RP too with a lot of political plays, territories trading hands, and royalty being captured, etc.

[Aurora Banned]

I'm new to this website, but I have been roleplaying for a few years now. I won't go into as much detail and length as some people did on this thread, but hopefully I can help everyone reading!
- When you're chatting with a potential new partner, what are some comments or questions that start to make you uncomfortable?
Asking for pictures/nudes of myself makes me crazy uncomfortable. I'm here to roleplay and to use my imagination, not sext. For a potential new partner I feel like this is just really immature/inappropriate considering we just met. DON'T DO THIS!
- What is your advice for the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy?
In my opinion, the perfect way to approach a new partner without sounding creepy is introducing yourself, a little bit about yourself, how you found my profile, etc. Please don't just send and Ecchi Text asking for my information and kinks. You should get to know someone and get a feel for them before going straight into NSFW roleplay stuff. 

Good Example: "Hey, my name is XXX and I was wondering if you would be interested in roleplaying with me. I saw your preference sheet and saw that we have some things in common. I'm XX years old and from X country. Let me know if you're interested in being friends." 

Bad Example: "Hey, I really like you and want to roleplay a sex scenario. How does BDSM and fisting sound?" or "Want to trade nudes? *Dick Pic attached*"
- Do you think flirting out of character with your partner is appropriate?
Flirting out of character is fine if we've been speaking for a while, but understand that whoever you're flirting with might not want to. Know how to take a hint. 
- Say you have had a partner for a long time, but suddenly their behavior started to creep you out. What started it and how do you think it could've been avoided?

Not discussing and consenting to things before a roleplay. I had a long-term partner begin to get very aggressive during our roleplays and do things I wasn't comfortable with. I'm not really sure what started it, but a way to avoid this is discussing boundaries and limits. It's different for everyone so you need to ask all of your partners.