Things not to say during or just after sex.

[thedude]

"I didn't think there'd be so much blood..."

[Novaer]

"Mmm... According to the pH test your orifice seems to have scored... 1! OH No, no I ain't putting my dick anywhere near that!"

[thedude]

"Mmm... According to the pH test your orifice seems to have scored... 1! OH No, no I ain't putting my dick anywhere near that!"

Oh gawd... D:

[Syrma]

God that was short you're not even worth my time

[Novaer]

"Why does it smell like the sea... We're 200 miles away from the nearest beach."

[thedude]

Well, I'm out of ideas...

[Novaer]

"Did you wear a condom?"

 

"What the hell is a Condom?"

[thedude]

*noise*

I'm... not sure which hole that came out of.

[Novaer]

Well that was a war.

[Manni]

I want my refund!

[OnePieceGeek]

Worst thing to hear from a girl: "Coincidentally, I can really relate to the movie Teeth!"

 

Worst thing to hear from a guy: "It's funny, I just came here to see your mother for this exact same thing."

[Novaer]

"Contact me when our child turns 18. We'll have some fun."

[BladeRunner]

"Did you know while I was screwing you I drugged you, then I implanted a C4 explosive in you," And then I heard the beeping, "Yup, it'll blow."

[Novaer]

Person A: ~thrusts into the other person~

Person B: ~makes the sound in Windows when you plug in a USB device~ Da-Do!

Person A: ~pulls out~

Person B: ~makes the sound in Windows when you remove a USB device~ Do-Dun!

[thedude]

"Contact me when our child turns 18. We'll have some fun."

That sounds more enjoyable then it should... (< Also works for the game XD)

[Novaer]

"No... Sorry I can't do this. We have to dress up like hotdogs first. It's the only way I'll enjoy this."

[Manni]

My woodies (headphones) give me more of a woodie.

[Novaer]

"Er. No you can't just touch me at all. You have to consent to EVERY little thing you want to do. Kiss me? Ask. Touch me? Ask. Take my clothes off? Ask. Even if we're already fucking, if you want to kiss me YOU HAVE TO ASK!"

 

In that case; I don't fucking consent and you can fuck yourself. Providing that you consent to it. ¬_¬

[Neptune]

^^^ Major turn off for me, lol.

 

"Since you're here in my bedroom, would you like to see my condom collection that I've collected from all the guys I've fucked? Most even have cum still inside of them!"

[Novaer]

^^^ That is pretty fucking creepy.

 

"Bite down on the pillow; I'm going in dry."

[Neptune]

"I don't have any lube, but will bacon grease do?"

[Novaer]

>_>

<_<

HELL YES!

 

"I'm going to fuck your brains out." 

[thedude]

"I'm going to fuck every hole in your body! Then I'm going to shoot you and fuck that hole! And I'll just keep shooting and fucking until there's nothing left!"

[Arno]

"Gimme a sec to bust this ingrown hair."

[thedude]

Aww, dude... That hit me in such a weird way >.<