Things not to say during or just after sex.

[Elena Ichinomiya]

Will you stop for single seconds please?

[IsabellaRose]

To you: Oh my God, I have got to call my mother and tell her all about you. You just keep doing what you're doing, yeah baby, like that.

picks up phone, dials, waits while it rings, nodding at you as if offering encouragement.

Into phone: Hi, Ma? Ma? MA!? It's me, Izzy. Oh my God, I've got to tell you about my date.

How'd it go? It's still going. He's a stallion, this one. Just fucks like a MACHINE.

Oh yeah, dinner was nice. 

A salad.

No I didn't pig out in front of him. I ATE A SALAD. Jesus, Mom. What do you think I am? Hang on, I think he wants to say something...

To you: You okay, baby? No, no, keep going, you're doing a bang up job. Top notch. 

Into phone: He's okay, Ma. Just needed some encouragement. (whispering) I think he's losing steam. 

No, he's got a fine penis.

It's FINE. 

Oh, hang on, I think he needs me again.

To you: Everything okay?

No, no, your penis is magnificent. I just don't want to oversell you to my mother.

Whispers into phone: Maybe some insecurity issues, worried about his penis.

No.

No, there is absolutely no way.

...

Fine.

To you: my mother wants to talk to you..

Edited March 2, 2020 by IsabellaRose

[LeonaFair Deactivated]

You're crushing me...

[WetNoodle]

Holy shit, you're awake!

[JennyDK]

"Wait...you are not my mother!"

[Peculiaritree Deactivated]

While fingering someone: "Aw fuck, I think my band-aid slipped off."

[Dozle The Crusader]

We will clam the holy land in the 10th crusade 

[JennyDK]

"I think I lost my wedding ring inside somewhere"

[WhiskeyTango]

That's never happened to me before, I swear. 

[Dozle The Crusader]

[Elena Ichinomiya]

During: "Why it tickle?"

After: "You did penetrate me right? I just moan because i thought you did!"

[WetNoodle]

When going down on a female: "Hellloooooo!? Helllloooooo..!? Echoooooooo!! Echoooooo~~~ Pinocchioooooo!?"

[JennyDK]

"So how does this AIDS thing work anyway?"

[maid lover]

4 minutes ago, JennyDK said:

"So how does this AIDS thing work anyway?"

Noooooooo (this could be also something you shouldn't say) 

Edited April 29, 2020 by maid lover

[Elena Ichinomiya]

"I'm gonna eat Moby dick of yours and make fairy tale about it!"

[JennyDK]

"Allright, with that out of the way, what do you say we get back to your birthday party, honey?"

[Buio Banned]

"No, no, it's good! Really. Super tight and just awesome. It's just... I dunno. Could you like, at least pretend to have a dick while I'm inside you?"

[JennyDK]

"What do you mean it's not supposed to exit when I pull out? You and your weird colon"

[WetNoodle]

"It's just hepatitis..."

[JennyDK]

"What have I told you about cleaning your room, young man? First you make a mess of it and now on me! I will have your father know."

[WetNoodle]

"Sorry, mother. I get excited watching you clean. Ah yes, please tell father. He said he wanted to teach me how to spit roast with you."

[JennyDK]

"Wow, honey! I guess you could say our dog...really had a bone to pick with you...ohh...where are you going?"

[WhiskeyTango]

https://youtu.be/s1FoHnGYeBw

[JennyDK]

"OH shit! I thought you were asleep...sorry.."

[SataiRolePlayingGuy]

You want ants?  Because that's how you get ants.